One of the things that I've noticed in my spiritual development, is that those that I follow regarding spirituality typically shift or adjust based on my private practice in synchronicity, or it's time for me to move on. In other words, "as within, so without". As an example, as I began working with the Draconian Current and Umma Tiamat, I spent time looking for information on general dragon invocation only to find mostly bindings, with very little substantive information outside of the Luciferian traditions. Nonetheless, I took note that the large meditation groups I follow began working with dragons, particularly the "mother" dragon. However, because these groups are "light-workers", instead of the Mother Dragon being black and the mother of demons, she is golden and vomits healing rainbows as guided by the Arcturians, Andromedans, etc., all the beings of the "light" in opposition to Draco of course. The instructor in this meditation group, despite stating that she has anchored in her "I Am" presence, is quite fond of the images in her head, such as Archangel Michael and Mother Mary being "twin flames". Significant monkey-mind psychological conditioning abounds in these "light-worker" communities expressing significant polarity, all the while these teachers are attempting to teach nonduality. Hence, the Saiva saint Abhinavagupta was correct in his Sri Tantraloka in describing the left hand path (vama) as being hire than the right hand path (daksina), in order for the adept to achieve Siddhant. I'm not saying "don't follow these teachers", especially if there is healing to be had and if we are all lending our unique signature energies into the mix. I just wish the depth of understanding was deeper and I'm left wondering if I'm being healed, or reprogrammed by many astral beings who seek to control the adept, including beings who take on the role of Jesus and Mother Mary as described by Aleister Crowley in his astral projection writings. (Magick Book 4).  

These light-workers lost in their siddhi delusions may not cater to such information as I have presented, which is a slight summation of Patanjali's assessment in his Yoga Sutras. The adept is to ignore siddhis as they will become a distraction to your reach for enlightenment. I think the same assessment applies to "twin-flame" communities attempting to understand Ardhanareeshwara, communities which are essentially a cesspool of romantic projections and delusions of divinity with messianic life-purpose complexities. Patanjali was a NAGA (reptilian), who taught the nobility (Aryan) of turning the beast that is a human into a God through integration with Self, not this light versus dark polarity, or Disney-type romantic projections  of continually looking for something outside of yourself. If an adept calls themselves the "divine feminine" as in the receivership nadi, then I would expect the "divine masculine" counterpart as the doership nadi to reflect back the divine feminine's own psychological mess and understanding. Before transcending the need and want to have a divine counterpart, I would think the twin-flame process of ascension to be quite hellish. To get the divine counterpart, I would argue to try to transcend the divine counterpart, and also, as part of ego-death and shedding identities, stop identifying with your genitals. Be in this world, but not of it. Here, I would recommend Elizabeth Lund as she appears to be the only one I can find on youtube who helps me understand the nadi's through her own extensive personal experiences and the twin-flame concept, in addition to aiming for sovereignty and understanding one's own power.   

Since last December, anchoring in the "I Am" has been key. Once the adept has the experience of "samadhi" (no mind), or better yet, the experience of ego death (Ain Soph Aur and above the light; In the beginning was the light, but what was there before the beginning, before time-space/kala-kali) typically described as the "void", then the adept is given the task of clearing their own egoic issues stemming from numerous lifetimes as the monkey-mind (ego) fights back. This is accomplished by simply dropping the monkey-mind COMPLETELY for the darkness of the void beyond the light, which has a transmutation feel  helping the adept let go all that needs to be released. In practicing the qliphoth, I think the "void" space is akin to the central BLACK sun, where adepts who are unable to cross the abyss of Daath fall further into the egoic-psychological mess creating arrogance with a megalomaniac-messianic feel such as Hitler, or Pauline Jesus who proclaimed "No one comes to the father, except through me" (John 14:6).  As a side-note for the adept, there is a huge difference in emotional upheaval between calmly letting yourself psychology go into the void, typically by and through proctors who have "been there and done that" such as Mooji and Bentinho Massaro who transmit  deeper levels of samadhi where the adept is not tied to samsara (present to the moment versus present to the increasing psychological emptiness), and doing a central BLACK sun invocation that unleashes heavy issues within the inner beast or a deeper push into the subconscious.

​The inner beast, our own inner animal lower self can either be buried deep within our subconscious (Draconian Current, the primal Self), or it can be harnessed and mastered in working with higher self by and through ego-death practices. In other words, your own inner beast can work with you, or can arise in probably the most inopportune moments to ensure the adept learns their lessons, not necessarily just to create heaven which is an egoic-desire based on monkey-mind conditioning, but to push forth in soul evolution. For adepts who choose this path, a Nightside (subconsious) guide is required, typically an Angel who has already mastered this path of both light (Dayside) and dark (Nightside). The adept must learn to tame their beast and master holding the trident: 1. (g)enerator, (o)perator, and (d)estroyer; 2. awake, sleep, deep sleep; 3. Mother God (feminine principle; Shakti-Energy, brain hemisphere), Father God (masculine principle; Shiva-Divine Will/Consciousness, brain hemisphere), and the synthesis of such producing the Divine Child; and 4. Heaven, Earth, and UNDERWORLD.

In reaching for inner completion, instead of harnessing the trident, many light-workers, and divine feminine's and divine masculines are stuck playing archetypal roles rather than realizing their own fullness. In doing such, duality continues further into denser layers creating further separation, as men are still believed to be from Mars and women from Venus. The near-future may be "female" as many women are beginning groups that look like an attempt at something found within the "Rosary Gates of Ishtar". But the original Goddess, the holder of the original Holy Graal, brings someone with her to usher in the astrological era of freedom, and sorry light-workers, it ain't Pauline Jesus. Look at our mythologies, is enlightenment found in Heaven and Earth, or somewhere else. This should be understood by light-workers who have to conjure their "I Am" presence in their meditations, and have the audience plug in with "positive" e.t.'s, and unplug from "negative" e.t.'s., of course, more western monkey-mind conditioning. I would ask light-workers to look at the anthropological roots as to why Light/White is perceived as good and Dark/Black is bad in western countries, and vice-versa with certain African traditions. Can you imagine someone of color outside of the "Bible Belt" degrading dark or black? Who got to decide that Light/White was positive and Dark/Black is negative, we should ask brother Louis Farrakhan! Don't read too much into my comment, after-all, "All E.T. Lives Matter". 

Advaita, and wrathful Shakti mantras (Kundalini colorings) are my bread and butter. Shakti mantras have been on my tongue since the inception of this blog, as it is a practice that keeps me sane and properly breathing as the Goddess adjusts me energetically and physically. In addition, since last December I pushed forward with Advaita, neti neti (not this, not this) to clear everything out of my head and emotional body, where the observer and the observed had become significantly psychologically experienced. Bentinho pushes my buttons and gets me to dig deeper all the while throwing me in the flames of purgatory, while Mooji gently calms the adept into samadhi and helps them walk through their dilemmas from the perspective of "I Am", not a religious or societal monkey-brained conditioned perspective. 

 A few months back while sitting with a Mooji satsang, an adept asked a question regarding himself as the "seer" and the "seen", where the adept was advanced enough to separate the two, but wanted to know more of the "seer". Before the excited Mooji responded, the questioner, or rather the question in itself (Self-Inquiry), dropped me back into the ego-death experience that I had back in 2015. I was psychologically emptied-out to the point where I was separated from my body and all material forms and simply lingered in an increasing spaciousness. This feeling of "I Am" has the affect of shifting all psychological emotions (happiness, joy, love serotonin-dopamine cocktail, etc.), for the blissful (the proper definition of Ananda) state of just dropping everything. There is NOTHING to cling onto, let it all go. Even titles, such as God, or Divinity, are fruitless in this field as they become egoic traps the monkey-mind can feed on. Literally, this is an equal playing God-field of which everything is a part, including ego. In other words, it's quite stupid to call myself God, or Divine Masculine, etc., as these are all concepts within the video game, where few people actually desire to wake up from the video game.

​Now, it has become moving myself into lingering within the void as much as and as blissfully as possible, where I feel my psychology, emotional body, and tension-stress within the physical body drastically decrease at a speed where I'm forced to pace myself.  My physical body has been shifting, but more so drastically since last December, where my spine has stretched and moved to be properly placed in my body with my shoulders and hips being naturally moved back, with the rest of my body painfully adjusting requiring frequent salt baths. I'm glad I've had warnings by twin-flame teachers, though such teacher stated that men aren't doing the work and therefore, men aren't going to feel it. Such teachers fail to see the universe as a mirror, despite what they preach. Such teachers also only do "women only" healing groups, and then complain about men. Even though the healing groups I ended up in, I was the only male there showing that these teachers may be correct that men aren't doing the work, but it's another reminder for me that spirituality is a solo path if you're aiming for sovereignty. In my path, I've healed and significantly felt both my regular male ego self and an inner female where the concept of gender is more and more being blurred within me, including sexuality. However, I'm not asking to open up the "women only" groups, as I've had to recently block numerous, if not all, of my close male relatives due to an energy of what has been labelled as "toxic" masculinity. These men also consider themselves "spiritual", though without ego-death practices, spirituality is just "spiritual materialism" (See Chogyam Trungpa). I'm just glad I've found Mooji and Bentinho to help me reach Self and linger in Ananda as my monkey-mind self has perceived numerous suicide timelines since last December, both of which are lessons in letting go. I guess I know what happens to me on the denser Earth, if there is a harvest occurring as described in The Law of One (Ra Materials).  The lone wolf has to purge the emotions of loneliness, as the human is mostly a programmed pack animal. Such isn't that difficult, when one enjoys his/her own company, something I'm finding most other people are incapable of doing. Again, Sovereignty! 

As I've pushed on in anchoring this emptiness, this blissful-void (there is also a neutral void which can become depressing), I'm constantly trying to assess my experience with others who alleged to be similarly situated for better understanding. Nonetheless, I'm finding many are preaching as opposed to describing their experiences and helping adepts dig deeper without significant dualist ramblings. The direction many of the light-workers I follow has become messianic and preachy due to polarized belief systems plaguing the western mind. The eastern world has the yin and yang and it is typically philosophically understood that we are to integrate both. But the western mind is plagued by the Abrahamic traditions, much of which is simply Jewish/Semitic politics, especially when viewed without the Qabalah. Unlike most of the world who had deities that have both negative and positive aspects, it seems like it was the Temple of Solomon and the separation of demons and angels from the original daimons or 72 names of God that created this extremely polarized ideology, which has become quite fanatical by and through its Christian and Islamic offspring. Let's just say that I've worked with the counterpart of Archangel Michael (Temple of Ascending Flame/Asenath Mason) in walking through Daath, in addition to having done the Enochian calls (Jason Louv) which shreds the ego. My understanding and take on angels and demons is very different than your typical "angel reader" or "demonologist", and Archangel Michael seems to hold different coloring now that I can perceive his shadow (like a Black Knight with some orange under my monkey-mind imagery, orange most likely because of the Ninja Turtles). Nonetheless, having grown up in both Protestant and Catholic education, there has been significant programming of monkey-mind dualist concepts as "purity" and "impurity" where I'm finding the work-product of the Temple of Ascending Flame optimal in deconstruction of Christian ideologies,  groups and individuals with ideologies on par with with actual Tantra (Sorcery Texts, not Sex Manuals). Therefore, the left hand path was necessary in purging these judgmental based belief systems, showing it to be a stepping stone above the right hand path. In terms of "purity" and "impurity", well, beauty is in the "eye of the beholder", and, is there not always a "silver lining"? The saint and the sinner, the virgin and the slut, are ONE and the same, holding different expressions of the same One-Consciousness. But, monkey-mind belief system projections of "impurity" and "purity" are excruciatingly apparent with many light-worker preachers, particularly the ones who market their work-product under the banner of "Team Jesus". For those still stuck on the "light", I suggest reading our global mythologies to see who actually wins in the end, not the original Corporation herding human capital that is the Catholic Church and its derivatives. Church and Religion have never been separate. If you actually believe the U.S. is secular, then explain why Obama potentially being Muslim is an issue and the unintelligible support of Israel, a name and land that ancestrally does not belong to the Semitic groups, but was conquered by them. This is what happens when psychologically-conditioned sheep vote. Lastly, Heaven is also a shadow of the original consciousness flowing down the tree of life, another delusion for the monkey-mind to attach onto, where Heaven and Hell have always been political tools. 

In terms of Self-Realization, the light-worker communities are moving too slow for my taste, where I'm finding incessant projections as empathic-ally draining, from people who have allegedly done the shadow work. There are those that are working up there own pace, dealing with their own issues and projections by and through global situations. For such, I would recommend my mentor Dr. Lauren Cielo who conducts free weekly meditations, and whose techniques help work with spirit guides and help the adept LET GO. The beauty of Dr. Cielo's meditations, if there is an issue being projected out into the world that creates triggers, he brings it home with healing something within ourselves and the collective energy field, very little external blaming. Nonetheless, despite how many people are talking about Brahman, Kether, Zero-Point Consciousness, very few people are actually ready for Self-Realization, to remove all of their delusions (attachments to samsara), including religious-heavenly delusions. Historically, Self-Realized masters have not set out to save the world as they've come to the realization of the perfection AS IS as it is God's divine play (lila​), or the fact that the adept is simply jumping parallel timelines when they amp-up their vibrations. Though Samsara may be beautiful, she will always remind you that the world of forms and your attachments thereof are doomed to fail, as it is "untruth". 

One last recommendation, an adept on par with Mooji and Bentinho Massaro (I have found other nontraditional Advaita youtube teachers to be lacking in significant depth, understanding, and mostly darsan; such teachers may be present to the moment, not the emptiness of the void; in addition, such teachers fail to understand/experience that Advaita-Oneness is not the highest as Shiva taught in the tantras), is an adept who I feel would be the step above the left hand path, or Saiva Siddhant. Like most of my favorite teachers, she doesn't need to talk, her mere presence and also her transmissions are more than enough to drive my clairsentience wild. She would be a recent find of mine, the incredible Jivanmukti of Siddhanta Yoga.  Jivanmukti has no need for archetypes, religious structures, belief systems, etc. As the adept reaches the void, images of deities, angels, ascended masters are no different than images of festering fecal matter, as they are both images dancing on the smokescreen of consciousness where the monkey-brain places definitions and meanings as such. 

First and foremost, I wasn't looking for ascension, life purpose, healings, akashic readings, etc., in my seeking of the Divine. I was born interested in all things "supernatural" and wanted to learn the truth for myself. Much of that was proven to me via intuitive training with my big sister Lys Campbell, who would evoke Archangel Michael (and others) to open me to Vianna Stibal's modality of Theta-Healing. But more than that, the real reason why I pushed in spirituality, is the same reason why a child in a Krishna-home chooses Kali. Not that there is a difference, it's just that only one of them, over historical time, has remained Black. More than abilities-siddhas, wisdom, love, etc. ... I wanted out. 

Shakti  is associated with the inner, lunar dimensions, and is often portrayed with Naga-Serpents. The Naga energy really became noticeable a few months back, where I have mostly stuck with ​Shakti mantras. Nagas worship Shakti, so while the A/Brahmaic religions may oppose the serpent, the adversarial traditions understand their connection. The Goddess of the Nagas is none other than Tripura Sundari, a Wisdom Goddess. In invoking the naga energy, I kept picturing a black serpent around my waist. Like Ganesha's belt, all the while he has a rat at his feet. India philosophically understood the harmonization of the naga, not violent suppression as portrayed by the creator gods' Angels. I'm sorry to tell you, but your Angels and beings of "Love and Light" don't compare to the primal Ones, murdered by the following generations of creator gods in order to create your illusory existences. 

To really anchor in the naga energy, I found a black python belt designed by a small leather-shop on etsy. I'm no longer really interested in dualistic fantasies of meat versus nonmeat debates, where the very act of breathing forcing the death of many microbes should make the vegan bite their lip. Don't get me wrong, I see the Jains and their practices, but I'm not so sure starving yourself to death like the notorious Chandragupta Maurya is way to Self discovery. On my first wear of the belt, it was just a belt. After placing the belt on my altar with aghori blessed amulets, that belt makes me feel like a kid again holding my stuffed animals. My naga belt doesn't go in the closet, it stays on my bed, or on my altar. Nonetheless, my relatives like to point out that I'm wearing "meat" at spiritual gatherings, and kids tell me my belt is not cool because the snake is dead. Can't argue with that. In addition, I've taken note that as soon as I started wearing this belt, it seemed like the few youtubers that I have settled on, all seemed to shit on black serpents, only letting me know it may be time to let the world know what's up. 

After working with the nagas, it was time to invoke Uma Tiamat, the Grandmother Dragon of the nagas and all of existences. To the untrained mind, the forces of chaos can be psychologically devastating. Most prefer creator (atoms coming together), where the destroyer (atoms separating) is perceived as "evil". Hence, anchoring in the feeling of "I Am ... period!" where the monkey-mind drops for the present moment, is a must in practicing the left hand practices. If energies get too intense, returning to "I Am" is key (breathwork assists), not Archangel Michael or whatever other spiritual crutch an adept may reach for in moments of intensity. Let's just say that belt took on further colorings, where I sometimes find it difficult to even hold this belt as if a heavy weight comes over me. These black nagas have outright possessed me, giving me internal imagery of such, further letting me know that what I practice creates some sort of phenomena.  

In doing these personal practices, the external world still goes on. Particularly "family", the traditional-cultural-socio prison system that I just can't seem to kick. With an overbearing manipulative mother, who always has her illogical-thoughtless way, as most humans are controlled by unresolved emotion, I can't say "no" to her without worrying about her health. As my extended family has found, if her children do not do what she wants, she will mentally drive herself mad with a 200+ blood pressure, driving herself into the hospital with the whole family surrounding her and defending her because of her health. My mom is young and doesn't eat the typical American diet. There is no excuse other than her own mental state. I ditched my whole family for last Christmas as was my one and only request, but only to have my mom show up at my door. She did the same while I was sitting for the bar exam, because she wanted to throw a 4th of July party for the relatives, all the while I had begged her to leave me to my studies. I had to kick my whole family out of the house for staying well into the night, when I had a practice exam the next morning. She also left me harassing messages the morning of my bar exam, where today, my parents like to brag to other people how they put me through law school. I'm not sure what she's talking about given that I'm not paying my student loans (low income), let alone my health care. 

My earthly mom calls me every week asking for something. To her, it's just a conversation. To me, I have to emotionally deal with this family prison system. I even overheard my older sister telling her newborn, "whenever you get the chance, take it, be free". Her husband did the typical, "no dating until 30, wear only sweaters until 40, etc.", to his newborn daughter. Quite odd knowing his shadowy past, and his love of all things Trump. As I have been trying to establish boundaries with the woman who can't take "no" for an answer, as I get pissed, so does something else. Let's just say, a voice woke my father up in the middle of the night to protect him, as my mom unconsciously stood above him with knife yelping for "blood" in her native Hindi. I know what's happening. The bhuta talk to me. In my life, patriarchy has been expressed through females, including my ex who only mirrored the same issues that I have with my mom. Haven't been on a date since, and that's well before beginning my blog. My father is extremely passive and anti-social. Growing up, my mom would be in a ranging tantrum, yelling, throwing cooking utensils at her children, even if her children did nothing, all the while my father would be sitting in front of the T.V. eating his food. He never protected his kids, he's barely spoken to them. The bhuta see him, the same way his older brother (now deceased) see him. Yes, I significantly hold back and try to purge my issues so that they are not projected out in the world. But what am I to do when surrounded by conditioned-minds, that can't think outside of themselves. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Of course, my mom is back to her old ways, planning exactly how to use me for the remainder of the year. 

In love with Uma Tiamat's energies, which feels more passive requiring male Demon-Gods for dynamic movement, and realizing more and more that I really don't relate to much of conditioned humanity, I finally decided to dive into the western Left Hand Path. As I have already studied the qabalist supernal triad, which syncronstically brought me to the Siva Sutras, then Bentinho Massaro, then Mooji, which helped me quite accurately discern the difference between monkey-mind (malkuth) and presence (kether), I decided to study the remaining sephirot by gnostically climbing up the Sitra Ahra of the Tree of Life. As I only work part-time, I am able to separate myself from most of society, a psychological necessity for this introvert. In pushing forward between the oscillation of the monkey-mind and presence,  I've noticed a significant increase in my sensitivities, where I now only need to look at a sigil and mindfully observe an invocation, where my imagination will provide the required blood to open the collective-subconscious, a feeling on the top-back of my head, in order to be more than half-way possessed by another entity. In other words, gnostically invoking the beings of the Sitra Ahra  was a piece of cake, handling it is another story. 

In walking the LHP, the adept is typically psychologically destroyed. You need to be, in order to perceive beyond mental conditionings. In studying numerous shamanic traditions, I've taken note the similarities on how a dis-incarnate entity, such as Kali, would "court" the shaman. Kali has been my romantic interest and has introduced me to numerous Goddesses around the global pantheon. Goddess Freya provides me with desperately needed affection, whereas Goddess Oshun's honey soaked beauty still intimidates this nerd despite how much love I feel with her. More importantly, the adept here must not be afraid of self-destruction. I had my head chopped off before Kali, but my problem was that I enjoyed it. I offered it to her the second time she came to me, where she said "that's been done, what do you want?". Since she didn't let me exit, I asked her to "be with me". With Tiamat, expect to be devoured by black nagas, and so much worse in climbing the Sitra Ahra. If you've anchored in "presence" and have made things right with the Divine Mother (in her many differing archetypes), and are also not squeamish of the macabre, this path may be ripe for you. Again, please take into consideration my own psychology, as I perceive the world differently than most people. I have no problem imagining myself soaking in a tub with slit wrists, but I've noticed other people get offended when I tell them this is a great way to begin your meditation. Ego-death, you drop the body, you drop the mind, then suddenly you're not tied to the egoic character play that is being played out in samsara. The technique I just described is quite emotionally liberating for me, again, this path is not for everyone. 

​While many were in Church for the Easter festivities, I was in my bedroom invoking the Anti-Christ, antinomianism, disunity over unity. This Goetic demon essentially did something to my third eye, requiring me to lie down. It appeared as though archetypes were being upgraded, where Kali simply took a black silhouetted-latex form with red serpents protruding from her head in a Medusa fashion. More interestingly, Freya modernized herself for me with a classic-punk meets modern day steam-punk appeal. The clarity of my clairsentience in that moment pushed my boundaries as I truly understood Goetia to be a real phenomena. Such was preparation to walk through the hells of the next sephirot, Golachab. ​

Where the qlipha really pushed my buttons, was when invoking the non-sephirot Daath. The Right Hand Path (RHP) barely acknowledges Daath, where the adepts might accidentally fall into the sitra ahra and lose their sanity. On the LHP, we invoke certain Goetic Demons that I will keep nameless, but is representative of the "worthless one". Daath would be Jesus facing his egoic issues in the Judea desert, also known as the "dweller in the abyss", the last great obstacle, the ego destroyer. Although not bluntly stated, those walking this path know that here, you need to be like Jesus. However, as I had tried, don't bother invoking Jesus or Angels, where it was Padmasambhava and the "I Am" that came to my rescue. The ego becomes the beast, and it doesn't want you reaching higher above the abyss. Even more interesting, Goetic demons not part of the ritual were making "guest" appearances. The adept can either reach higher into the womb of the Goddess at Binah/Satariel, or fall back down the tree and essentially be more enmeshed in ego/samsara. 

Entering Satariel, is essentially Goddess Inanna stripped bare and standing before Ereshkigal. On my altar, at the foot of my Kali statue lie two carrion crow skulls. One feels feminine who I like to pick up and pet, the other feels masculine and doesn't prefer the cuddly affection. Although feared in India, crows are symbolic of Goddess Dhumavati, or Lakshmi's sister Alakshmi who is ignored by most Hindus, as she is misery. Dhumavati, as the smoke of Sati burned because of Brahmanic arrogance, she represents the void, the womb of esoterica, and makes a perfect fit for Satariel as she is the Guru of the Mahavidyas. Crows are also the messengers of Father Odin, who similarly like Shiva, was trained by the feminine Freya to become the "All Seeing Father". Yes Odin, I know to whom you gave your eye. Here, my crows decided to name themselves to me, Persephone and Hades. 

The ruler of Ghagiel/Chokmah is the Father God known as Beelzebub. Originally meaning "lord of lords", quite similar to Shiva's "devadevam", the political Semites demonized him in pronouncing his name to mean "lord of the flies". Nonetheless, such may bear truth as invoking Beelzebub, Belial, etc., is essentially going through your own whipping post. The Abyss of Daath is comparable to Jesus' last temptation, whereas, Ghagiel and Beelzebub would be the equivalent of the "Passion of the Christ". After my ritual, I walked into my kitchen in the middle of the night, only to find one of the biggest cockroaches I had ever seen (my car might be old, but my place is nice; somewhat new buildings are not infested). As Smashana-Kali has helped remove much fear, there was no issue with the size of the cockroach, until it spread out and I realized, "oh shit, this mo/fo got wings". After my failed hunt, I realized who I was invoking in my earlier ritual. As within, so without, astral beings test the initiate, as has been my life scenario in working with Kali. 

The goal is to move into Kether or Thaumiel, where Kether is sometimes defined as blinding light and "presence", and Thaumiel simply being "presence". Hence, both LHP and RHP are moving into "presence" or the "I Am", where the LHP takes it one step further into the void to be properly "born again". It appears you step into unity consciousness, and then the void, to only then be spit back out as a master of duality. While many philosophically understand the "drop" as returning to the ocean, few understand that the ocean is within the drop, or choose to maintain individuality by being a drop of oil in the ocean. In the tantrik categorization as presented by Abhinavagupta, this would be why the LHP is higher than the RHP. Nonetheless, the master must not just know thyself, but master thyself, especially when Beelzebub's flies are constantly testing you. 

After completion of my 11 day ritual, I was required to attend my sister's house-warming puja to bless her million dollar home. The Hindu priest kept saying, if you worship God, then you will be blessed with all of these things. Beelzebub's flies reminded me that I've spent my whole life in front of the altar, with nothing material  to show for it. I barely ate last year and this year, where I will opt to buy incense, books, and ritual tools, over food. I no longer have health insurance, and I'm still driving my high school car. Though, Beelzebub actually needed to try better, as I'm not that much materialistic, and will take my current freedom over being stuck in the socio-economic rat race for the next two decades while children become of age. Nonetheless, the triggers would keep coming, such as my car stereo breaking down on the freeway for the first time, while I'm stuck in Los Angeles traffic. Moreover, I was just given a new job offer, to be paid more to teach kids to read and write as opposed to practicing law. In other words, all my past efforts flushed away, like being in the abyss with the "worthless one", a common sentiment that I discovered has been in the background of my psyche probably my whole life. Lastly, Monday morning comes around where excitedly I look to one of my favorite youtube mentors to help me get through. Nonetheless, she literally throws a punch below the belt, reminding me that pestilence is contagious. The flies of course, further remind me that a few weeks back, she had made a comment around something like "breast size doesn't matter, none of that matters". Not that big of an issue, as there should be no shame in her game. Not really an issue for me either, since I gave up on relationships and have been practicing seminal retention techniques. I'm not sure if my plumbing will work appropriately. I followed "twin flame" teachers to make sense of the images and voices in my head, and to cater to my Disney-romance psychological programming plaguing the pack-animal that is human. The lone-wolf archetype is how I managed to keep myself alive and somewhat sane. Nonetheless, the youtuber's comment (she did not portray herself as an advocate) resonated deep, "once you go BLACK, you don't go back".

Did I succeed in climbing the sitra ahra, I'm assuming the states of my monkey-mind will tell as I proceed cautiously into the future. There is a slight coloring of arrogance, where I have walked into my room feeling the presence of being surrounded by gargoyle looking/feeling demons, who upon giving them my attention, all bow before me. I can either inflate my ego, or I can recognize it as simply symbols for the monkey-mind to interpret, as I have found that taking literal interpretations of visions and messages and blindly following through may lead to devastation, as these are often initiations to see how the adept responds. The goal of the LHP is not swearing oaths and bowing before another entity and following blindly, it is about owning your sovereignty by and through raising that inner Dragon to unite the masculine and feminine aspects within the adept. This is what Jesus meant in the gnostic texts where devotees enter the kingdom of heaven, but the perfected man enters the kingless realms.

This is probably the harshest piece I've written, but I'm finding it drastically necessary in order to properly educate on topics now fully thrown about on T.V. shows such as "Supernatural" (terrible portrayal of archetypes) or Netflix's "Chilling Adventures of Sabrina". I personally wish I grew up in "The Worst Witch", with a teacher named Hekate. This piece wasn't intended to offend, or even purge my own issues, but to educate the public who really do not understand the many faces of Kali Ma and what it's like to actually work with her and the LHP. I write pieces that I wish I found on my journey to help others similarly situated or to help me find people to make further sense of things. Other than that, this blog would be closed, as I've already had traditional people, including Saivas, pretty much defecate on me. I significantly hold back here, as evidenced from what I disclosed above. I don't go around preaching about Kali, as much as I want to, given her mantras keep me psychologically sane. This path isn't for everyone and I rarely tell people about my blog, especially after my Saiva incident occurring around 2015. Whether I can walk this path successfully, well, we just have to see what I become as I continue to play this game of duality. 

The Notre Dame Cathedral has quite a bit of reflection brewing among the collective. From my indigenous friends complaining how funds can easily be employed for a European monument but funds to protect nature and indigenous sacred land remain a debate, to essentially people getting annoyed stating "bigger" issues in the world, everyone appears to be vomiting some sort of issue these days. Nonetheless, it's the purge, a return to look at the way we have viewed each other, ourselves, and a constant return to look at old ways. In the U.S., wikileaks has taught me, most would rather eat-up the roughly six (6) corporate owned propaganda machine and keep their conditioned-ways of perceiving the world, then assess the actual truth. Go vote, while those you vote for slaughter the courageously honest. Give up your guns, with the police armed more than the military (look at Ferguson under Obama) and a Trump CEO-President where conservatives do not understand that running a government like a business is a dictatorship. Couch-potato liberty, so long as there is a boogey man to blame, and a neurologically conditioned sensory hungry human vessel, which has no idea how to harness the sexual-creative force, mass-media images are under the guidance of exactly how to satiate the human vessel, as well as invoke emotions to manipulate the human psyche. The early Romans knew how to use sports, creating the stadium as a way to distract the public from the failings of an empire. Your business men, your marketers, your religious spiritualists, understand Neuro-Linguistic Programming ("NLP") and the Law of Attraction at the occult level. Sheep are easily programmed, that's why some of us prefer the Goat! 

Yes, I'm in the camp that holds Notre Dame Cathedral special to me, as a student of the esoteric studies and overall, some of the most stunning art. My family visited London/Paris back around 2002, where the only main destination that I had chosen on that trip was Notre Dame Cathedral. I made my family walk to see this thing, including some of our more elderly. As like most Gothic Cathedrals specifically designed under esoteric studies, you enter the womb of the Goddess with it's many folds and gorgeous flower above the entrance. But not everyone can enter the domain of the Goddess, so you have Gargoyles protecting the premises, just as Goddess Chamunda has her bhutas. I still have a gargoyle candle holder purchased in Paris protecting my personal altar, so yes, Notre Dame is a bit more for me than a simple visit. It was a stepping stone on my development, and the memory of lighting a candle for the Divine Mother to bless the organization and all of her devotees, parishioners, and children (all that is), feels like a twist in my heart. Yes, it is a dark history, but a mystery that I loved unraveling during the age of Pisces, when one can step outside the egoic-story and see the world as a pretty cool "Game of Thrones" (The Mother of Dragons is a Dragon Herself!). Though I'll proudly admit that I'm more on the "Da Vinci Code" end, I will also suggest that the fire-burn may have been to remove certain esoteric hints. This is an organization that houses one of the largest libraries on the planet, but expects the rest of the planet to bow before one heavily edited book. ​

Given that Catholicism still holds derivative roots in the Roman traditions (Greek-Egypt, etc), where the Jesus story has been catered to follow the dying Solar God (Osiris), a natural phenomena of the Sun dying on Winter Solstice (Saturnalia) and rising again to bloom around Spring. Not all early Christians believed Jesus was crucified, not all early Christians believed Jesus actually existed (was a metaphor), and definitely not all early Christians agreed with the creator gods where the Serpent actually brought the Truth. The Roman empire understood the occult grounds of tapping into the astral realms (Yesod) to effect the material realms (Malkuth). Hence, the use of angels, "ascended" saints, and of course, Mother Mary remained in Catholicism. 

​The derivatives of Catholicism have further removed the feminine aspects, maybe due to occult reasons. As evidenced by John Dee and Queen Elizabeth, the early Anglican Church was not a stranger to occult sciences as well. In actuality, just as it is stupid not to study your business competitors, it is stupid not to study your alleged enemy. Astrology, Alchemy, and other such original sciences were practiced in both the Catholic and Angelican churches, but banned because such tools were used against each other in the push for religious dominance. Hence, demonize such tools for the masses instead of outright forbidding such practices, which would actually creates an attraction emotion, is a tactic to keep such tools in the hands of only the elite. Remember, the Catholic Church did try to control global time and astrological effects by and through the production of the unnatural and unharmonious Gregorian calendar. Some organizations exist to simply create disorder (chaos), such as the Jesuits, in order to move individuals into occult-egregore institutions and/or to push for a global ascension by and through a global "dark night of the soul". Heavens cause stagnation and indigency, Hells push evolution and growth. Creator gods teach form, to further trap you into a form (heaven), while the Destroyer gods teach you to look behind the form to the formless (Apokalpsis; Form depends on the illusion of time and space).  

Nonetheless, the feminine is a necessity for proper occult practices and spiritual development. Above the entry to the astral realms (Yesod) is the ability to harness the will (Hod; Masculine) usually conducted through ceremonial rituals which alter consciousness. Nonetheless, it is the emotional and fluid, the intuitive feeling (Netzach; feminine) which ensouls the the ceremonial rituals (Hod) for such astral workings to manifest on the material plane (Malkuth). Hence, to remove the "feminine" is to remove one's spiritual abilities, paving the way for a hierarchical control systems by and through a religious middle man system. The feminine (Binah), is an aspect of the One consciousness (Kether) as it flows into manifestation (Malkuth), subjugation of such only hinders one's abilities, and ensues patriarchal psychological conditionings embedded in both genders. Each individual holds both nadis as the ida (feminine) and pingala, (masculine), androgynous as Adam-Lilith Kadmon or Ardhanarishvara, where it appears based on the tantras, that one gender archetype tends to take the role of teaching the other gender archetype during differing yugas, as both are balanced until inner completion. In occult-spiritualists practices, such includes sexual-alchemy of using sexual hormones to shift already altered consciousness for actual gnosis-communion with the divine, which can often be mistaken as physical sexual union. Sadly, the closest state to higher gnosis the average individual may experience is that of the sexual orgasm, or the "la petit la mort" where the egoic-story and egoic-persona are "dead" for a momentary glimpse beyond the world of forms. Hence, sex has always been sacred and a means to commune with the divine. Such is found through the early Protestant group, the Moravians, where Jesus' wound from the "spear of destiny" was viewed as a vagina, while the sexually straight male and female adept could all be in courtship with Jesus, rendering many mystical experiences. Mystics such as William Blake were heavily influenced from such traditions. (Schuchard, Marsha Keith, William Blake's Sexual Path to Spiritual Vision.). The Catholic Nun is considered a bride of Christ, is she not?

Constantine's intent, three-hundred (300+) years after the life of Jesus (Essene as called by the Jews, as they were Gentiles) during the times of the Creed of Nicea, is still unclear on whether he was a convert, or strategists who found a way to save the failing Roman empire. Nonetheless, the differentiation between Catholicism and Gnostic teachings/texts is quite clear, where much of Christian colorings have little to do with Jesus, but have been usurped from many other traditions. Such includes the definitions of an afterlife, where Jesus described very little. The Kingdom of Heaven (Kether; Father/Self-Realization) being within you (Tiphareth; Communion with the Holy Gaurdian Angel), where Heaven is described as having "many mansions" feels more like a multi-dimensional consciousness (Astral Realms). In addition, Constantine's vision was of the symbol "Chi Rho" which paved the way for his conversion, which actually looks more like an "x" not the "t"-sign. In fact, it would be much easier to crucify on an "x" as opposed to a "t", where the "t"-cross was another adopted symbol. Why would the Romans inconvenience themselves for a punishment, and how does a body not slide of a cross? Christian education terribly tried answering these questions. Growing up surrounded by religions, I've truly felt like the self-hating Jew in the film The Believer, where fanatical belief systems that lead to oppression will create the Aleister Crowleys and Anton LaVeys in the world. The Roman Church may have been an early attempt to usurp the traditions of two groups they did not care for, the Jewish tradition and Gnostic Christianity, in order to continue the Roman empire. Not something new, as the Romans essentially ripped/merged their tradition from the Greco-Egyptian, and further made themselves blameless as Pontius Pilate washed his bloody hands.   

In truth, the incredible history of Italy is the reason why the early Catholic Church would need to be cut-throat, as Italy was invaded from all directions and still holds an interesting history that should beg any proper historian to look into secret societies. The corporate structure of the Church influenced global economics, but yet certain positions of power breed arrogance, especially when doctrinal rule is done by religious divine right not just as a messenger, but where the leader was to be considered an incarnation of the divine. Hence, the history of the Knights of the Templars (possibly early Freemasons) who broke bread with Muslim mystical hash dealers who taught them about the idea (not the image) of Baphomet. Hash being a conduit to the astral realms (Hod; symbolized by peyote), warriors from cults including the Order of Hashashin (Assassins), Knights Templars, to the secret Roman Mithraic (derived from Persian Avesta; also found in Indian Vedas), all held secret practices where removal of such in the hands of outsiders would be necessary to continue the existence of the Church. In other words, continue to get rid of the heretics as well as any traces of their history and existence, to keep the masses eating up the religious propaganda machine. ​

On the flip-side, the Roman Catholic Church is so much more than simply a political organization seeking tithing, future generations of parishioners (anti-homosexuality), and mass-control as providing religious laws to individuals eating up punitive "blind-faith" belief systems as opposed to understanding the dynamics of karma. Though certain individuals, such as Mother Theresa, held severe racially-ethnocentric and religious superiority programming as evidenced by non-Christian witnesses, where religious threats of hell dictated her conduct, St. Francis of Assisi is well-loved globally as the truth pervaded his being and even influenced the animal kingdom. That same truth, I felt through the Sisters and Padres of my high school. I still remember President Bush (W) bringing us to war, and our celibate Sister Jan holding a picture of an Israeli-Palestine couple deep in a kiss surrounded by war, stating with pride in her face, "isn't this the most beautiful picture you have ever seen". This elderly, exquisitely gentle Sister also stated, "if we are to fight over the Holy Land, then no one should have it, God should take it away from us!". I also remember Sister Pat, though a bit on the "aggressive" end, looking at a picture of Buddhist monks deep in meditation stating, "isn't that beautiful, look at that dedication, same God, different technique".  I have found such to be true in studying St. John of the Cross, who coined the term "dark (k)night of the soul". Again, "same God, different technique". So yes, I do love the Catholic tradition and her many mysteries, as well as my Catholic family. Like Ramakrishna, I find the same gnosis in every religion that I study, including the Left Hand Path. But, there is a difference between politics and spirituality, where much of the world has yet to consciously separate the two to properly discern spiritual truths over elite control mechanisms. 

Hence, such Qabalist understandings define not just major religions, but show that religions are rooted in Indigenous Shamanism. Moreover, the size of a religion which stresses "hell" and "demons" may be adding more issues into the astral realms, which the adept may need to navigate around for proper manifestation in moving down the tree (Malkuth) and for ascension moving up the tree at least to Tiphareth. ​

Jesus himself was one such adept as shown through his time in the Judea desert, being tempted by his own issues further evoked by astral parasitic egregores. By looking for the Kingdom of Heaven within (not with Pharisees and Sadducees), one first achieves communion with one's own holy Self at Tiphareth. Such an adept who has attained communion is considered the Son of God, as such an adept can show you the way and the truth to bring you back home to realizing our true Self at Kether. Finding consciousness outside of material realms of forms, and into the formless, to identity with the space between the atoms as opposed to the atoms themselves, to realize that which perceives through me is the same One that perceives through you, a multifaceted diamond with each individual face brilliantly shining to support the One (Yin/Yang not Light vs. Dark) is what the Qabalists (Pillar of Severity/Mercy), Hermeticists, Tantrics, Vedantics, Gnostics, Sufis, and Taoists taught. 

People that have disclosed such information have been historically persecuted as it goes against religious doctrine aka control mechanisms. I face the same worry, as I still remember the looks, smirks, and comments I got from the patrons of the same Catholic high school post 9-11, something odd given my background, but not odd understanding the psychology of conditioned minds where many in the U.S think India is in Africa. Or, how about when I used to secretly wear (shamefully, intentionally hide) my Shiva pendant at my Protestant elementary, understandable since Shiva is basically a guy holding a trident with a snake around his neck. Well, my beloved Kali-Mahavidya-Sophia has taught me that the word (tongue; Goddess Vak) is mightier than the sword. Should I be seen as Frankenstein's monster, all I can remember is the pain I felt when offering tobacco at the cemetery-smashan in front of the Church of sacred Wounded Knee, remembering Black Elk Speaks, the Ghost Dance, and the words, "Hokahey, Today is a Good Day to Die!". Yes, it is the masculine Osiris that dies. But don't forget that it was through Goddess Isis that we are reborn and we bloom. Just as Shiva suffered the pain of his chopped-up Sati, so I to understand Devi Isis' pain, where Osiris' Phallus is a reminder of the Divine Masculine and of the Crucified Rose. Though, I do not believe it was Set, as the lawyer is typically blamed with the client. 

In relieving my personhood, I do wish everyone a Blessed Ishtar (Ashera for the Semitic traditions; Bhuvan-Aswari for the Tantrik; Inanna, the original dying/resurrecting Goddess) and thank you Soul-Family for helping me speak up, as I am inspirited as you speak and live your truth. We are in this together, externally and internally, for there has never been separation other than what our monkey-mind has told us. I am pushing to love more and more outside of me beyond the internal cocktail dribble of serotonin and dopamine, as I learn to accept, love, and empower what is inside of me, including my shadow self. This memorial piece was an emotional roller-coaster for me as I dig deeper into my own truth. Thank you for reading. ​

I was debating whether to share certain personal information, but judging from my family on facebook, Nipsey got neighborhoods mourning. I remember my elementary-high school days, where my older cousin would take the male cousins cruisin in his convertible 1964 Cadillac, up and down Crenshaw.  Individuals like Nipsey kept that memory alive, kept that legacy alive, and kept those neighborhoods alive. Neighborhoods that every hip-hop head knew in the 90s, now threatened today by colonial-capitalist gentrification. Now family members are rockin "Crenshaw" shirts, and those that live on the block are poetically pouring out their compassion for the future of the district.  

Many who find my blog, as well as many that I follow, carry the banner of "light-worker". It's quite annoying when these folks tell you not to engage "lower frequency" media, and then purport to not throw judgment on it. Try growing up in these neighborhoods, and then you may understand the wisdom that is to be gained from "lower frequency". How is an adept to fully "be" and "connect" with "All That Is", when one doesn't realize the boogey man is still part of the infinite complexities. As a born empath, I truly understand the emotional absorption of being able to feel deeply the same emotions as another, and probably much more. But running away is not what these neighborhoods ​taught me. 

Although I grew up a book-worm nerdy kid, I mimicked my older cousins of not shopping at the regular mall, but buying Dickies at the local swap meet. Simple work pants, where I took pride in my ability to iron creases that impressed my high school friends. I was born and raised somewhere between where Rodney King got beat, and where the culprits who beat were mostly from. I will give you a hint, it's where Ronald Reagan is buried. My relatives are all too familiar with the colorful issues that would present themselves, as some have lived near the Rodney King incident. Another personal incident, when I was around 12 with my cousin 14, we were robbed while eating outside a fast-food joint. One got out the car and talked with my cousin, while I watched the homie in the car looking like he was reaching for something in between throwing me gang signs. Honestly, we just got out the ISKCON ​temple across the street. 

A light worker may complain about guns and death, but I've learned more about respect, trust, loyalty, and actually compassion from the neighborhood, then I have in the business world or even both a Protestant/Catholic education. My employers have robbed me so much more than the boys in the hood have, literally, where my first legal employer still owes me money. As for the neighborhood, let's just say some of us grew up with a rabbit hanging around the relatives, for the love of music of course, as relatives are in the industry. Rabbit's entourage was quite a bundle, where some were so nuts, the older cousins would tell all the younger and female relatives to leave, for everyone's preventative care. 

Rabbit, on the other hand, would spend the day around my cousins rocking a Hawaiian t-shit and cargo shorts. He was family. I remember my eldest cousin looking Rabbit in the eye, and continually telling him, "I think you were an Asian warrior-prince in your past lifetime", with me catching hardcore Rabbit trying to hide his face, while he slightly smiled showing no arrogance. In the evening, Rabbit's crew and my cousins would party, but by day, there would be Indian Saints and Elders (both dot and feather), Indigenous Shamans, and other healers all mingling with the neighborhood. I'm reminded of Rasputin, who allegedly spent his evening with women and opium, but was in Church in front of the Divine Mother deep in prayer by Sunrise. There's also Dr. Oldoinyo Laetoil LeBaaba (Kali Baaba), who had a house in the middle of the hood, where as a child my older cousins put a paint brush in my hand and stated, "paint it black". He, sometimes, would be in the mix with these hoodlums. 

Another personal note, I remember my High School years, being at one of the evening party's. One of my older cousins' friend's, that I had not seen since my elementary years, walked in the room and sat next to me. Man was huge, 6ft+, and looked like he played football. As we sat next to each other, looking each other up and down as I had my feet crossed up on the couch, he says to me "damn, I think your socks smell". Overhearing, Rabbit's cousin perks up and barks, "leave the little brother alone". I'm sitting there thinking to myself, "oh shit ... I'm stuck between these two big ass fools". Again, one is huge and the other, well, Rabbit's entourage. Whereas, my cousins' friend barked louder, "I've known this kid since he was in diapers, he's my little brother, it's my job to tell him". That was a moment for me, looking at these big ass fools who had my back, some of which society would consider scum. Some of my cousins' friends had even told me they would die for me, and I was just a nerdy kid nerding up their lives trying to be cool. Some may even ride, maybe not for me personally, but for my family. Again, the neighborhood taught me respect, trust, loyalty, and compassion. 

So light worker, if you choose to run away from your triggers, know that you're running away from the truth of your own self. My triggers let me know that the shadow work must go on, especially in the blessed City of Angels. Am I triggered by the homie whose got a "pistol grip pump on his lap at all times"? Nope, I get it! The police officer who pulled me and my relatives over for a speeding ticket, who constantly reached for his gun in addressing us, while in a luxury car dressed to visit relatives in Northern California, that I also get. Do understand these neighborhoods, the one's the C.I.A. dropped drugs upon and probably still are given that they got caught by the border patrol (2016), are significantly minority. Do understand that Richard Nixon classified marijuana as a schedule 1 drug to keep Blacks and hippies in prison, despite the Shafer Commission. You may see these neighborhoods as "issues", you may "disengage" from the information they present to you, but I see them as warriors fighting external and internal systematic oppression. As Ice-T expressed, "there can never be justice, on stolen land".  Sure better times may come, but not if we choose to ignore what lurks in the shadows. I can't be a "light" worker out here, which thinks the "dark" is to be opposed.  I need to be a damn "alchemist" as my gratitude pours over the lessons the neighborhoods​ have taught me. 

For those on the spiritual path who are complaining of the "state of the world", I'm reminded of the story of Swami Vivekananda reproaching the Goddess during his last days, for not protecting devotees from Muslim invaders near the altar of Goddess Khir Bhavani (Kali who is fed rice-pudding prasadam). She rebuked him, reminding him that it's just a Divine Play. As energy dances before light to produce mass, so Shakti has her way with Shiva. Who else to bring wisdom to the light, then the Dark Mother. 

I'm still new to Tiamat and "dragon" energy, and am mostly trusting my own impulses in moving forward until I can find proper teachings. As a bhakta of Kali, opening myself to the stretch of Tiamat was like resting in the arms of Mataji herself. Like a deep cleansing breath, but one that reaches into nervous crevices bringing out what lurks beneath.  Incredibly beatific, but not without its psychological issues. 

When it comes to "darker" materials, I can easily throw myself into Eastern traditions as it all ends with Shiva-Shakti. To be clear, my invocations are to invoke Shaktis for Chakra-Aura cleansing/balancing, kundalini, and to assist in reaching the samadhi state. I'm not attempting to entangle myself further in samsara, with practices I feel I do not understand. I think it may be my curiosity of the odd that pushes me. Compared to Eastern, I'm much more intimidated by the "darker" Western traditions (Abrahamic), as I further explore areas only I feel in common with the beloved Mother (which I'm finding, still is all of it). Lilith works similarly to Kali, though Smashan Kali may go towards root chakra dealing with fear and death issues, I feel Lilith rocks the sacral. Growing up in a protestant educational system, where I never questioned the existence of Jesus, but would make philosophical comparisons, I realize I adopted many of the puritanical colorings relating to sexual, creative areas, as well as self-sacrifice martyrdom. Not to complain, I see the purpose of these experiences in my search of wisdom. Just a warning for those with similar conditioning who choose these practices, particularly with Lilith whose "collective consciousness" conditioning will release the depths of the subconscious having us face what darkness, including fantasies, buried deep within our own selves.

It is important that the adept not take such energies and psychological images raised, as "personal" during and post such invocations, where the goal is to release and flush the central nervous system to return to the clarity of one's "presence". To be within the body, fully mindful of one's awareness of the moment, where the psychological baggage of tomorrows/yesteryears is flushed, brings a blissful stillness, allowing the adept to further move with the flow of life despite the monkey-mind. Personally, I always have a "form" of Kali with me when working with any ritual, who, like Bhairavi, will assist with my breath work to make sure my form and cranium are properly oxygenated. Further, should one have a bad "trip", breath work appears to be the perfect fix. Lilith seems to be protective and loving, like my Kali. But Lilith seems to also unleash a bit more, most likely because of the collective conditioning created by current understandings of Lilith. As an empath, I've also realized that what is raised, is not always mine not having much emotional coloring with a feeling of "that doesn't look like something I have an issue with". 

Tiamat has held my interest for some time, with certain syncronistic moments making it quite clear that she would hold some value for my work (which I'm still discovering). With the same personal ethical standards in approaching any practices, I do not make oaths (or contracts), unless it is harmonious (better humanity, bleh bleh).  I find, if an entity does not want to assist in the path of Self-Realization on their own, best not to work with them. At least for now. Tiamat also comes with her Demon-Gods (demons as they were the primal ones overthrown by the newer generation). Tiamat is simply energy, the Demon-Gods raise issues and blessings ranging from sexual to power. In these practices, one must realize that these are simply colorings for us to use within moments of our lives, where such colorings mixed with shades of compassion can bring about a certain eloquence, allowing the adept to freely express their own truth.  Given that my tangible life appears to be going through a "tower" moment, I decided to dive into Tiamat and her lore where I really do not mind drastic shifts and changes. 

Blood is normally required. As shown in modern "ghost" shows, where an entity may need to drain energy from a battery source to provide some sort of tangible manifestation, Tiamat's crew require sustenance. I did not offer blood, however, I was drained of something I can only label "vital energy", as I felt slight but noticeable weakening, which continued until I required rest afterwards. Filled with their essence, I felt the hunger and thirst for crude sexual gratification. Power was not as intimidating, as I'm not really competitive in nature, where the energy of power was extremely helpful in helping me establish personal boundaries. Nonetheless, the time that I chose to invoke Tiamat and her companions, was also when I was deeply engrossed in practicing Advaita, following Bentinho Massaro's techniques and Mooji's 2019 Rishikesh Satsang. So when these energies arose, I really was just "present" to them, where I would have Mooji's silent meditation bring me out of personhood leaving a harmonizing effect of such energies on my psyche. 

Mooji's 2019 Rishikesh Satsang was phenomenal, or should I say "noumenal", returning his audience to Samadhi almost on a daily basis. While my "personhood" would feel the throws of the Tiamat energies, Mooji would bring us to "presence", with simply Advaita based self-inquiry. From this experience, I felt the obvious discernment between the "I Am-Presence" and "Ego-Personhood", where my own ego was even called out by Mooji, when I felt an arrogance of "knowing" more about Advaita than Mooji. Such triggers pull one out of the moment, and leave the monkey-mind to throw its fits. Hence, I also now realize why Guru is necessary, to make sure one finishes the job of coming from "presence" as opposed to "personhood". Though Guru's may no longer be necessary in the Age of Aquarius (freedom) as compared to the Age of Pisces (mystery), it's because of people like Mooji, who hold the capability of pushing the adept to look deeper into the clarity of the moment instead of the mind tricks. As a result, Advaita masters typically have many holding animosity as egoic issues are triggered, where adepts tend to project their wants and mental understandings of spirituality as opposed to self-inquiry. Advaita by far is the purest form of spiritual practice, teachings of self-inquiry cannot be refuted as they are not really teachings but reflections that unveil "presence", so the actions of an individual flowing with their harmony becomes the subject of criticism of conditioned minds. Ego will throw a tantrum before a Master as personhood is unveiled for the blissful moment. 

These practices have resulted in significant mental clearing. The monkey-mind seems much clearer in the morning, where upon waking, my head would normally be in the throws of chatter. With the monkey-mind subdued, it is much easier to linger in "presence" and what simply "is", as opposed to bringing one's personal identity and story into the mix. The moment appears with a heavenly calm, as an observer entering a video game for the first time, excited and curious about the senses surroundings. In addition, physical muscular tension around the spinal column are released, which is common for me in doing chakra based  practices. Hence, I feel emotionally, psychologically, and physically lighter, where Tiamat's energies feel quite loving though still intense.

Nonetheless, I'm still in the process of navigating between "personhood" and "presence" as I navigate my phenomenal existence, where I'm learning to trust the moment as well as my own guidance, as I oscillate between  the observer and the one playing within what is observed. "To be in this world, but not of it". Currently, my "personhood" may be really worrying about the future, but "presence" is bringing me back to faith and the resulting bliss is much better than being in "personhood". This isn't easy all the time, though the seeds of "presence" have been sowed, or I should confidently say watered. My "personhood" is quite curious as to its continued fruition, whereas, "presence" just "is", it really is the state of not metaphorically giving fecal matter. 

Why would someone invoke Tiamat? She is the Sky and Earth, with her slain consort, the blood of humanity, according to the Mesopotamians. This was our primal unified selves, before the "fall of man".  She would be the potency of our true self beneath the monkey-mind conditioning. She would be kundalini unleashing all-conditioning to allow for our true-self.