Though I'm a bit different, where I also call on the lighter shades akin to angelic kingdoms of the most humble Christs. For that is my interpretation of nonduality, it is all one. My current spiritual practice looks more like peace-loving hippie vibes, as compared to my prior Crowley-style magick where I was trying to discover the truth of such material. Nonetheless, now I see that both paths hold the same aim, to connect with the Higher Self aka Holy Guardian Angel. The is the practice of Self-Empowerment, not empowering an external entity.
I consider Jesus and Christ teachings to be one of the greatest blessings I've received in this life, but I also consider the road of bringing light/wisdom to be my path. Basically, I see Jesus differently then the modern typical Christian, whose logic I cannot fathom. To love the beauty recognized in our separation where God is something more expansive than our human-selves, or to love the brilliance recognized in our connection to "all that is" showing us that we are more expansive than what we have thought ourselves to be. That's really the difference between the right hand (Dualist/Exoteric/Separation) and left hand (Nondulaist/Esoteric/Unity) path. I do not subscribe to a "jealous" god, or one that demands that I call it a particular name, or face the infernal wrath of a hel(l). To me, that sounds like manipulative domination, as opposed to liberation. I subscribe to a path that uses guides to help me recognize the divinity within.
We see the humility and compassion that is Jesus, the one who asked for our karma to be forgiven. But, to feel the same with the opposer, sheitan, is another story where we've been raised to deny our darker shadow selves, our base-animal reptilian-brain complex, that was meant to really be synthesized with our higher self (Spirit+Matter). We don't love the opponents, those that make us heroes on our journeys, including the inner-opponent that we try to bottle up or deny.
The aspects of the Universe that we find to be dark, are only different shades of the one infinite light. For a candle flame enlightens a darkened space, but the dark space doesn't harm the light. Knowing the darkness found within (and without), and bringing love and light to such, is to integrate the shadow side, ... you know, that thing Jesus taught, forgiveness. For one cannot heal one's own darkness, without shedding some love and light on it. That's the judgment that we meet when we find ourselves in deep reflection, you know, that place of our Cross-roads. It is the clearing of that which is hidden within our subconscious, which manifests as blocks that inhibit our full expressions.
In my innerchild healing meditation, it was that 16-20 something early college self, where that innerchild wanted to be called "hellfire", a rebellion springing forth as a result of a fear based condemning Christian education. But this innerchild aspect wasn't some rebellious stage, it was my search for something more beyond the box of faith-based religion, something the masses could not understand and would possibly fear, as shown through historical persecution resulting in "secret" societies.
This meditation was a feeling of integration of two separate halves of myself. I saw and felt what it would be like for Jesus to hold and completely love Lucifer (the collective belief is that of an "evil" being, not the historical "light bearer", which can appear in our subconscious as it is tied to the collective conscious). I felt Lucifer in the form of Baphomet, protected by Anubis, where Lucifer actually felt loved by Jesus and shockingly returned the same. Spirituality is a paradox, hence the highest is not some form, but it is "truth" only found in "wisdom". We are Spirit, and these characters are merely archetypes that we seek to unite psychologically, hence, yoga. It is a practice to truly understand who we are and what we are capable of doing with our consciousness
My meditation concluded with visuals of Jesus and Lucifer in complete transparent embrace, as if they were actors playing a role, but recognizing who they were behind the character, one. For was not the being who tempted Jesus while Jesus practiced his meditation, none other than Jesus' own shadow emerging to be recognized and enlightened, just as we all face our own inner-"demons"? This is a teaching that will be difficult for many to embrace externally, as well as within themselves. This may be the reason why esoteric sciences have been kept hidden, for it is hard to love what is often feared, especially something lurking within ourselves. The goal is to integrate, transcend, and ascend to the next level, or what the masonic George Washington would say, apotheosis.
For the last half of this year, I spent quite a bit of time using the resources of energy healers, guided meditations, etc. I've noticed my ability to be induced into necessary hypnotic states to actually feel and see shifts has expanded over the last three years, including the ability to make my imagination feel more and more real as possible.
The first prepatory step prior to this meditaiton was to list five likes and five dislikes that I hold regarding money. From this list of ten, I would choose three to focus on and heal "karmic" cycles, with "karmic cycles" being energies that are still running and holding influence on our current ability to manifest. From each of the three chosen, I felt like I was looking into a prior experience, with thoughts and feelings from another life, another ego-identity that held different beliefs.
The first karmic cycle that I chose to glimpse was from the "like" category of money, where I had expressed that I like the fact that money allows me to "spend time the way I want", which is my definitition of wealth and abundance. In taking a look into this concept, I felt like I was an Italian prince at my castle surrounded by vineyards. Italians and Italy have played that role for me since my college obsession with Italian culture, the La Dolce Vita that plagued cinemas in defining the Italian way of life. Or, it could be the Roman Caligula, decadence that leads to gluttonous consumption, including that of power, often resulting in treachery. But most of all, this way of life was bought, and the healing occured in hearing the Beatles in the background piping out "can't buy me love", closing off this karmic cycle.
The second karmic cycle was taken from the "dislike" category where I described that money brings out the greed and thievery inside of us. From viewing the Italian prince, I was shown the need to create an army to protect the acquired standard of life. A little wealthy family, rising into the ranks of politics, to control and manage the kingdom's wealth, particularly the shadow side behind our governments. However, this slight glimpse vanished into another story, one where I was a vicious cut-throat pirate, chasing after all forms of booty. It was all for self-gratification, the only way I could feel love in this lifetime. Though we have all learned that material wealth is but a fleeting momentary increase of endorphins, which needs to be upkept and expanded by the next experience. It is not the sensation of completion, fullfillment, and resting in the utter perfection of the moment, the way love should feel. Here I concluded sitting in a chair adorned by my pirate facade, flinging a gold coin in the air with my thumb, with beggards bowing below my boot. The healing began when I looked into the pain of those I robbed and disempowered through the catalyst of money and realized the falsity of this form of self-gratification.
The last karmic cycle was from my "like" options, where I liked the ability to use money to express love. We can use this catalyst to support each other, nuture, and care for each other and our own selves in positive light. Here, I was led to some sort of Les Miserables setting, where I was shacked-up with one beautiful wife, but in dirt poor poverty. Because of my own financial inability, she would sell herself on occasion to keep us above starvation. She had placed herself in such circumstances to show me that love can exist without money, where she was more than eligible for a wealthier suitor. A suffering endured due to lack of money, to understand love. This type of love without material wealth felt almost like unconditional love, or at least it is a big break in a huge barrier, a major condition and belief we place in our consciousness that closes up our emotional heart-space.
One of the last meditative exercises dealt with holding a dollar in the palm of my hands held in prayer position. Outside of the meditative guidance, I felt significant issues, blockages in just holding the dollar. Firstly, it was like I was praying to money, I had major issues with that. Second, I remember that I typically don't hold onto money for long, as I was taught to wash my hands afterwards when I was growing up. Not necessarily because the concept of money is a dirty thing, but because it may have exchanged so many germ infested hands, that's enough to get an empath riled up. However, I realized deeply held blockages in just attempting to hold a dollar for a few moments. Old beliefs given by others and maybe my own past karmic influences arose for me to see and release and hopefully move on building a better relationship with money. A relationship where money is not used to manipulate and enslave, but to express love in every moment of time as in my definition of wealth and abundance.
Hopefully the wisdom gained from these three separate experiences will assist in helping me forge a more prosperous future.
Before my meditation, I felt it was time to visit a new Mahavidya. I went through some mantras dedicated to less familiar Mahavidyas, and found that Ma Bhuvanesvari's mantra felt the most dissonant like it was triggering me the most. I settled for her mantra, quickly glimpsed over her description expressing ruler of the universe, red skin, and her association with wealth. I've been seeking mostly the fiercer forms of the Mahavidyas, where wealth and abundance pales in comparison to spiritual awakening. Nonetheless, having visited Kali, Tara, Chinnamasta, and Ma Dhummavati, I felt myself ready to experience the material world again.
With Ma Buvanesvari, I felt myself feel loved like never before in my current memory. It was a love that was conditioned solely on my existence, for that same love spreads out throughout the whole creative universe. This was an expansive love effecting more than just my emotive sensations, where my physical body similarly responded with the ability to breathe higher into my lungs, with my spine stretching/cracking around the upper chest, back, and neck area.
Just as a righteous Queen will look at her kingdom with compassion, so does the ruler of the universe. As I was in the void of meditation, I received a phone call from an elder aunt. This aunt's home has been the spiritual fortress where crooked relatives would go to get straightened up. Her home is where we would hold our spiritual gatherings, where my Uncle is considered the spiritual elder. Hence, this aunt would be a perfect representation of Ma Buvanesvari. Given the age of my aunt and uncle, I feared something terrible had happened and immediately called back after missing their phone call. However, it turns out, my aunt simply wanted to give me an unexpected late birthday and early Christmas gift. She wanted to pay for my flight to and from Standing Rock, ND.
In my phone call with my aunt, I felt accepting that money wasn't right. My family has done much and continues to do so, I should be repaying them. However, the urge to fight over the gift quickly diminished in me, as I was still gloomy from meditating. It felt like in accepting this gift, I was also giving a gift, a gift to my relatives with the ability to feel the joy of giving. I know it means a lot for them to give me something special. This feeling of graciousness is probably better than any material gain, and is probably the true wisdom to be gained from acquiring wealth and abundance.
Immediately afterwards, I returned to my meditation and realized what had just occured. The timing couldn't be more syncronistic. Here I was invoking the ruler of the universe, the divine Mother, who is associated with "material wealth", and she couldn't even wait until after my meditation to let me know how much she loves me.
It may have been due to what the media will probably call snowy storms, where the roads were actually safe enough to traverse for this Southern California driver, or it could be because of the current atmosphere where the Natives of the land are called "Prairie Niggers". During the morning of our route, a facebook friend had sent a video of "Water Protectors" being run off the road into a ditch by local snow plowers. Let's just say the feelings of going into this camp, as well as the major cities for a motel, was one of having to constantly assess the judgmental enviroment. Needless to say, the purpose of our visit to help document the camp despite the numerous obstacles, was a failure. We could not bring in supplies, or just support, we were left attempting to reassess on how to make our visit the most worthwhile.
Though the trip progressed more into a vacation than an attempt to support, we had at least managed to spend some time and document Chief Arvol Looking Horse. Uncle Arvol, as we traditionally call him, had texted a relative and hinted at our coming to visit prior to our departure. His text only substantiated our desires raised by numerous family members and friends, that we need to be at Standing Rock despite the numerous obstacles.
Despite the feeling of failure of being unable to enter the camp, it was only after meditation, in asking the White Buffalo Calf Woman our purpose for this trip that I was able to gain some clarity. It's simple really. When an elder calls, you answer. Especially when that elder is the protector of the sacred chanupa, as part of the traditions meant to preserve for the coming generations. Whatever support may we render, I'm sure will be met with numerous blessings to further this cause. Though we could not access the camp, we entered Uncle Arvol's home and were able to document and perserve a bit of the Lakota traditions and what they mean to the People. That included the traditions of the Dakota 38 and the Bigfoot Ride, where horse riders honorably ride into the country their ancestors nourished in memoriam to their fallen martyrs ending at the location of Wounded Knee.
It was an honor to support a man I simply call Uncle, whose grandmother hails from Standing Rock, and whose distant-grandfather is one of the most well-known shamans buried in that vicinity, Sitting Bull. It was an honor to meet Natives who considerered us, an ethnically different group, as relatives. To be among ancestrol traditions that match mine, to choose to preseve life for the coming generations as opposed to a quick moment of detrimental material expansion, is enough to appease this wandering soul.
Our trip was a success.
Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions