The Notre Dame Cathedral has quite a bit of reflection brewing among the collective. From my indigenous friends complaining how funds can easily be employed for a European monument but funds to protect nature and indigenous sacred land remain a debate, to essentially people getting annoyed stating "bigger" issues in the world, everyone appears to be vomiting some sort of issue these days. Nonetheless, it's the purge, a return to look at the way we have viewed each other, ourselves, and a constant return to look at old ways. In the U.S., wikileaks has taught me, most would rather eat-up the roughly six (6) corporate owned propaganda machine and keep their conditioned-ways of perceiving the world, then assess the actual truth. Go vote, while those you vote for slaughter the courageously honest. Give up your guns, with the police armed more than the military (look at Ferguson under Obama) and a Trump CEO-President where conservatives do not understand that running a government like a business is a dictatorship. Couch-potato liberty, so long as there is a boogey man to blame, and a neurologically conditioned sensory hungry human vessel, which has no idea how to harness the sexual-creative force, mass-media images are under the guidance of exactly how to satiate the human vessel, as well as invoke emotions to manipulate the human psyche. The early Romans knew how to use sports, creating the stadium as a way to distract the public from the failings of an empire. Your business men, your marketers, your religious spiritualists, understand Neuro-Linguistic Programming ("NLP") and the Law of Attraction at the occult level. Sheep are easily programmed, that's why some of us prefer the Goat! 

Yes, I'm in the camp that holds Notre Dame Cathedral special to me, as a student of the esoteric studies and overall, some of the most stunning art. My family visited London/Paris back around 2002, where the only main destination that I had chosen on that trip was Notre Dame Cathedral. I made my family walk to see this thing, including some of our more elderly. As like most Gothic Cathedrals specifically designed under esoteric studies, you enter the womb of the Goddess with it's many folds and gorgeous flower above the entrance. But not everyone can enter the domain of the Goddess, so you have Gargoyles protecting the premises, just as Goddess Chamunda has her bhutas. I still have a gargoyle candle holder purchased in Paris protecting my personal altar, so yes, Notre Dame is a bit more for me than a simple visit. It was a stepping stone on my development, and the memory of lighting a candle for the Divine Mother to bless the organization and all of her devotees, parishioners, and children (all that is), feels like a twist in my heart. Yes, it is a dark history, but a mystery that I loved unraveling during the age of Pisces, when one can step outside the egoic-story and see the world as a pretty cool "Game of Thrones" (The Mother of Dragons is a Dragon Herself!). Though I'll proudly admit that I'm more on the "Da Vinci Code" end, I will also suggest that the fire-burn may have been to remove certain esoteric hints. This is an organization that houses one of the largest libraries on the planet, but expects the rest of the planet to bow before one heavily edited book. ​

Given that Catholicism still holds derivative roots in the Roman traditions (Greek-Egypt, etc), where the Jesus story has been catered to follow the dying Solar God (Osiris), a natural phenomena of the Sun dying on Winter Solstice (Saturnalia) and rising again to bloom around Spring. Not all early Christians believed Jesus was crucified, not all early Christians believed Jesus actually existed (was a metaphor), and definitely not all early Christians agreed with the creator gods where the Serpent actually brought the Truth. The Roman empire understood the occult grounds of tapping into the astral realms (Yesod) to effect the material realms (Malkuth). Hence, the use of angels, "ascended" saints, and of course, Mother Mary remained in Catholicism. 

​The derivatives of Catholicism have further removed the feminine aspects, maybe due to occult reasons. As evidenced by John Dee and Queen Elizabeth, the early Anglican Church was not a stranger to occult sciences as well. In actuality, just as it is stupid not to study your business competitors, it is stupid not to study your alleged enemy. Astrology, Alchemy, and other such original sciences were practiced in both the Catholic and Angelican churches, but banned because such tools were used against each other in the push for religious dominance. Hence, demonize such tools for the masses instead of outright forbidding such practices, which would actually creates an attraction emotion, is a tactic to keep such tools in the hands of only the elite. Remember, the Catholic Church did try to control global time and astrological effects by and through the production of the unnatural and unharmonious Gregorian calendar. Some organizations exist to simply create disorder (chaos), such as the Jesuits, in order to move individuals into occult-egregore institutions and/or to push for a global ascension by and through a global "dark night of the soul". Heavens cause stagnation and indigency, Hells push evolution and growth. Creator gods teach form, to further trap you into a form (heaven), while the Destroyer gods teach you to look behind the form to the formless (Apokalpsis; Form depends on the illusion of time and space).  

Nonetheless, the feminine is a necessity for proper occult practices and spiritual development. Above the entry to the astral realms (Yesod) is the ability to harness the will (Hod; Masculine) usually conducted through ceremonial rituals which alter consciousness. Nonetheless, it is the emotional and fluid, the intuitive feeling (Netzach; feminine) which ensouls the the ceremonial rituals (Hod) for such astral workings to manifest on the material plane (Malkuth). Hence, to remove the "feminine" is to remove one's spiritual abilities, paving the way for a hierarchical control systems by and through a religious middle man system. The feminine (Binah), is an aspect of the One consciousness (Kether) as it flows into manifestation (Malkuth), subjugation of such only hinders one's abilities, and ensues patriarchal psychological conditionings embedded in both genders. Each individual holds both nadis as the ida (feminine) and pingala, (masculine), androgynous as Adam-Lilith Kadmon or Ardhanarishvara, where it appears based on the tantras, that one gender archetype tends to take the role of teaching the other gender archetype during differing yugas, as both are balanced until inner completion. In occult-spiritualists practices, such includes sexual-alchemy of using sexual hormones to shift already altered consciousness for actual gnosis-communion with the divine, which can often be mistaken as physical sexual union. Sadly, the closest state to higher gnosis the average individual may experience is that of the sexual orgasm, or the "la petit la mort" where the egoic-story and egoic-persona are "dead" for a momentary glimpse beyond the world of forms. Hence, sex has always been sacred and a means to commune with the divine. Such is found through the early Protestant group, the Moravians, where Jesus' wound from the "spear of destiny" was viewed as a vagina, while the sexually straight male and female adept could all be in courtship with Jesus, rendering many mystical experiences. Mystics such as William Blake were heavily influenced from such traditions. (Schuchard, Marsha Keith, William Blake's Sexual Path to Spiritual Vision.). The Catholic Nun is considered a bride of Christ, is she not?

Constantine's intent, three-hundred (300+) years after the life of Jesus (Essene as called by the Jews, as they were Gentiles) during the times of the Creed of Nicea, is still unclear on whether he was a convert, or strategists who found a way to save the failing Roman empire. Nonetheless, the differentiation between Catholicism and Gnostic teachings/texts is quite clear, where much of Christian colorings have little to do with Jesus, but have been usurped from many other traditions. Such includes the definitions of an afterlife, where Jesus described very little. The Kingdom of Heaven (Kether; Father/Self-Realization) being within you (Tiphareth; Communion with the Holy Gaurdian Angel), where Heaven is described as having "many mansions" feels more like a multi-dimensional consciousness (Astral Realms). In addition, Constantine's vision was of the symbol "Chi Rho" which paved the way for his conversion, which actually looks more like an "x" not the "t"-sign. In fact, it would be much easier to crucify on an "x" as opposed to a "t", where the "t"-cross was another adopted symbol. Why would the Romans inconvenience themselves for a punishment, and how does a body not slide of a cross? Christian education terribly tried answering these questions. Growing up surrounded by religions, I've truly felt like the self-hating Jew in the film The Believer, where fanatical belief systems that lead to oppression will create the Aleister Crowleys and Anton LaVeys in the world. The Roman Church may have been an early attempt to usurp the traditions of two groups they did not care for, the Jewish tradition and Gnostic Christianity, in order to continue the Roman empire. Not something new, as the Romans essentially ripped/merged their tradition from the Greco-Egyptian, and further made themselves blameless as Pontius Pilate washed his bloody hands.   

In truth, the incredible history of Italy is the reason why the early Catholic Church would need to be cut-throat, as Italy was invaded from all directions and still holds an interesting history that should beg any proper historian to look into secret societies. The corporate structure of the Church influenced global economics, but yet certain positions of power breed arrogance, especially when doctrinal rule is done by religious divine right not just as a messenger, but where the leader was to be considered an incarnation of the divine. Hence, the history of the Knights of the Templars (possibly early Freemasons) who broke bread with Muslim mystical hash dealers who taught them about the idea (not the image) of Baphomet. Hash being a conduit to the astral realms (Hod; symbolized by peyote), warriors from cults including the Order of Hashashin (Assassins), Knights Templars, to the secret Roman Mithraic (derived from Persian Avesta; also found in Indian Vedas), all held secret practices where removal of such in the hands of outsiders would be necessary to continue the existence of the Church. In other words, continue to get rid of the heretics as well as any traces of their history and existence, to keep the masses eating up the religious propaganda machine. ​

On the flip-side, the Roman Catholic Church is so much more than simply a political organization seeking tithing, future generations of parishioners (anti-homosexuality), and mass-control as providing religious laws to individuals eating up punitive "blind-faith" belief systems as opposed to understanding the dynamics of karma. Though certain individuals, such as Mother Theresa, held severe racially-ethnocentric and religious superiority programming as evidenced by non-Christian witnesses, where religious threats of hell dictated her conduct, St. Francis of Assisi is well-loved globally as the truth pervaded his being and even influenced the animal kingdom. That same truth, I felt through the Sisters and Padres of my high school. I still remember President Bush (W) bringing us to war, and our celibate Sister Jan holding a picture of an Israeli-Palestine couple deep in a kiss surrounded by war, stating with pride in her face, "isn't this the most beautiful picture you have ever seen". This elderly, exquisitely gentle Sister also stated, "if we are to fight over the Holy Land, then no one should have it, God should take it away from us!". I also remember Sister Pat, though a bit on the "aggressive" end, looking at a picture of Buddhist monks deep in meditation stating, "isn't that beautiful, look at that dedication, same God, different technique".  I have found such to be true in studying St. John of the Cross, who coined the term "dark (k)night of the soul". Again, "same God, different technique". So yes, I do love the Catholic tradition and her many mysteries, as well as my Catholic family. Like Ramakrishna, I find the same gnosis in every religion that I study, including the Left Hand Path. But, there is a difference between politics and spirituality, where much of the world has yet to consciously separate the two to properly discern spiritual truths over elite control mechanisms. 

Hence, such Qabalist understandings define not just major religions, but show that religions are rooted in Indigenous Shamanism. Moreover, the size of a religion which stresses "hell" and "demons" may be adding more issues into the astral realms, which the adept may need to navigate around for proper manifestation in moving down the tree (Malkuth) and for ascension moving up the tree at least to Tiphareth. ​

Jesus himself was one such adept as shown through his time in the Judea desert, being tempted by his own issues further evoked by astral parasitic egregores. By looking for the Kingdom of Heaven within (not with Pharisees and Sadducees), one first achieves communion with one's own holy Self at Tiphareth. Such an adept who has attained communion is considered the Son of God, as such an adept can show you the way and the truth to bring you back home to realizing our true Self at Kether. Finding consciousness outside of material realms of forms, and into the formless, to identity with the space between the atoms as opposed to the atoms themselves, to realize that which perceives through me is the same One that perceives through you, a multifaceted diamond with each individual face brilliantly shining to support the One (Yin/Yang not Light vs. Dark) is what the Qabalists (Pillar of Severity/Mercy), Hermeticists, Tantrics, Vedantics, Gnostics, Sufis, and Taoists taught. 

People that have disclosed such information have been historically persecuted as it goes against religious doctrine aka control mechanisms. I face the same worry, as I still remember the looks, smirks, and comments I got from the patrons of the same Catholic high school post 9-11, something odd given my background, but not odd understanding the psychology of conditioned minds where many in the U.S think India is in Africa. Or, how about when I used to secretly wear (shamefully, intentionally hide) my Shiva pendant at my Protestant elementary, understandable since Shiva is basically a guy holding a trident with a snake around his neck. Well, my beloved Kali-Mahavidya-Sophia has taught me that the word (tongue; Goddess Vak) is mightier than the sword. Should I be seen as Frankenstein's monster, all I can remember is the pain I felt when offering tobacco at the cemetery-smashan in front of the Church of sacred Wounded Knee, remembering Black Elk Speaks, the Ghost Dance, and the words, "Hokahey, Today is a Good Day to Die!". Yes, it is the masculine Osiris that dies. But don't forget that it was through Goddess Isis that we are reborn and we bloom. Just as Shiva suffered the pain of his chopped-up Sati, so I to understand Devi Isis' pain, where Osiris' Phallus is a reminder of the Divine Masculine and of the Crucified Rose. Though, I do not believe it was Set, as the lawyer is typically blamed with the client. 

In relieving my personhood, I do wish everyone a Blessed Ishtar (Ashera for the Semitic traditions; Bhuvan-Aswari for the Tantrik; Inanna, the original dying/resurrecting Goddess) and thank you Soul-Family for helping me speak up, as I am inspirited as you speak and live your truth. We are in this together, externally and internally, for there has never been separation other than what our monkey-mind has told us. I am pushing to love more and more outside of me beyond the internal cocktail dribble of serotonin and dopamine, as I learn to accept, love, and empower what is inside of me, including my shadow self. This memorial piece was an emotional roller-coaster for me as I dig deeper into my own truth. Thank you for reading. ​

I've spent much of my life stooped in religion, mythology, esoterica, an obsession of mine to unravel the mystery's of the universe. Particularly in the last few years, I've somewhat studied ancient Indian Goddess Cults (Tantra), Pre-Creed of Nicea Christianity (Gnosticism), Hermetic Qabalah, as well as Ancient Alien materials including Sitchen's work and other materials about Sumer, etc. Though I was looking for the esoteric wisdom to push me further in my spiritual path, the historical context of such material unraveled a separation between mystical thought and religion. 

All mystical schools, be it Tantrik, Qabalist, Hermetic, Taoist, Gnostic, Sufi, Troubador, etc., stress the importance of Self-Realization. Self-Realization is the unraveling of the ego-identity tangible universe, to recognize the essence, the atma, that resides within and permeates all that we perceive. It is to move beyond creation, to the absolute limitless light from which all that we perceive is a tangible transient dream. This is the practice of recognizing the truth within, where heaven resides as Jesus taught. 

Religion on the other end, stresses the importance of the tangible transient dream, and the need to perpetuate such existence. As Brahma the creator is not worshiped, as he is the biggest Ego of creation who sought to be superior, similarly the Gnostic Christians did not worship Yadlbaoth, the creator God, who similarly sought to be superior. It is from these creator gods, these Prajapatis, that we have tradition, culture, the need to perpetuate a doctrinal way of life, where mystical schools have sought to dissolve such mental constructs and programming. Hence, the reason why Jesus conflicted with the Pharisees/Sadducees, who did things by the books written by the ancestors, and not by the essence found within.  

     1. Religion and Much of Spirituality is NOT Transcendence 

Much of what we tout as "spirituality" or "religious", does not fall under the realm of transcendence. Again, most religions worship a creator, or manager of creation who leads us from the dualistic concept of unrighteousness to righteousness. Let's take religion for an example, where much of our scriptures both Biblical and Puranic or more political/historical based as opposed to understanding the realm of spirit.

The Biblical Old Testament, from my research, is merely expounding the Jewish politics of the "Holy Land", where much of the testament of these ancient Hebrews seem to be an attempt to show the political landscape of the Canaanites. In addition, much more is disclosed by the Akkadian, Sumerian, etc., script, that leave one questioning who this jealous Old Testament deity may have actually been. The same applies for the majority of Indo-Aryan Vedic-Puranic script, where these Aryan deities  look a lot like Greco-Egyptian beings, much like the infusion that was brought under the Hellenic period. To tie into the "Holy Land", the controversial work of Zecharia Setchin holds that it was Sumerian Goddess Inanna held domain over the Indus Valley.

The Goddess Inanna holds numerous symbolism that may have some connection to other stories. Just as Inanna went into the underworld and had to raise herself up into the heavens again, so did Sati/Parvati in Hinduism have to use yoga to remember herself while she was lost in samsara (Spirit wandering in Matter). Moreover, just as Mary Magdalene was healed of her "seven demons" by Jesus, Inanna had to go through "seven" gates of hell. Lastly, the whole going into the underworld, and being raised from such "death" is akin to our seasons of winter and springtime where another name for Inanna is Ishtar, which some have claimed is the root of "Easter". Constantine was a well known devout pagan, and my research is showing more and more, that just as how the ancient Hebrews synthesized all other Canaanite deities into the Canaanite deity Yahweh, Constantine may have well synthesized the numerous Roman-Greco-Egyptian (Dionysus, Mithraic, etc.) cults into  one deity, Jesus. Modern Christians say that such pagan influence was done mainly to convert the pagans, where it is well known that Jesus was not born anytime near Christmas (Mithraic Concept). An odd understanding, especially since the Roman Church is controlling what would otherwise be a natural cycle under the seasons and astrological patterns via the unnatural Gregorian Calendar. The Roman Church was capable of more than just blending with pagan myths, where one has to consider the Church's intent, especially since much of the Roman Church teachings drastically contradict the much earlier Gnostic Christian teachings.