I chose to brush off working with the angels for some time, as I didn't have a proper understanding of their lineage. Angels are mostly associated with the Judeo-Christian-Islamic traditions, and I didn't know enough about Judaism to really want to work with these beings.
From my research, Judaism is quite similar to the belief systems surrounding the ancient Hebrews during early times, particularly the Canaanites. In fact, according to professor Jodi Magness in her coursework Holy Land Revealed (The Greater Courses), the Hebrew language comes from the Canaanites aka Phoenicians. It is my current understanding (more than subject to change) that much of the Old Testament is simply ancient Jewish politics, where the ancient Hebrews had issues with the Samaritans (hence, the "good samaritan" concept) and of course, the Babylonians, among many neighbors. The deities of the neighboring traditions are either incorporated and syncretized in Judaism (included in the different names of god), or become the demons, the adversary (Satan) of Judaism. Hence, the reason why the oral tradition (mysticism) becomes extremely important in Jewish spirituality.
Though more evidence is needed to be gathered, I'm under the impression that the traditions of the Middle East that help influence Judaism are simply derivatives of ancient Sumer. In fact, some factions of the early Gnostic Christians, the Essenes, believed the creator gods of the Old Testament to be false mundane deities (Yadlabaoth), who tried passing themselves off as the "Absolute". Mix the Gnostic Christian view with the understanding that Judaism may be a derivative of ancient Sumer, you essentially have belief-systems crafted by the extra-terrestrial family of Anu, or Annunaki.
So the idea that "angels" may be minions for the Annunaki is definitely a logical concept I've been grappling with, in choosing whether I should be working with these energies. I'm unsure if these beings are derived from Sumer, or if they are the "daemons" that Solomon worked with in his temple. Nonetheless, the only way to really know, I assume, is to dive in and meet them.
As I was meditating on Archangel Michael, asking him to heal me and clear my space, help me let go of what no longer serves the highest and best, a couple of people popped into my imagination. I felt the urge to provide them a with a healing, particularly a technique learned from one of my mentors, Dr. Lauren Cielo (Golden Rose Psychic). I imagine a rose symbolic of the individual requiring a healing, grounded that rose to the Earth, and asked the Absolute to bring a healing cord down onto the rose before I ask one of my guides to take that rose to the intended individual. I prefer this method of healing, as the Absolute decides what is required, not the practitioner.
I've practiced Dr. Cielo's techniques, including the above-described roses technique since 2015, and was not expecting anything unusual from this morning's healing session meditation. However, as soon as I imagined the cord drop down from the Absolute on to the rose, in seeing the beauty of this cord that had an electric flare, Archangel Michael's essence vehemently bolstered "BE IN AWE, FOR YOU ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF THE DIVINE". Though it sounded like a command, as soon as the Archangel stated "...AWE..", my body naturally released the hormonal chemical cocktail that put me in significant AWE of that shiny electric cord that dropped from the sky onto my "imaginary" flower. It wasn't just like a command you would here in the military, but it was a direct statement to my intuition where my body immediately submitted. This was an experience that I can't deny. This Archangel is bold with a voice that commands to be heard.
This experience with Archangel Michael was a game changer for me. I have a new appreciation for Angels, as well as my practice of working with the Absolute. The Absolute being the energy behind the form of our masters, Krishna as Brahman consciousness, Jesus as Kether consciousness, and the realms above Brahman and Kether, it is essentially the Kingdom-Within Jesus spoke of in the Nag Hammadi texts. Archangel Michael is said to be the closest to God, and can bring one to the "face" of God. Hence, I think Michael would be the Archangel that brings one extremely close to Krishna-Buddha-Christ Consciousness, also known as Self-Realization.
HARK! O YE CHILDREN OF MEN! BOW THINE HEADS, YE SONS OF MEN; FOR THE GLORY OF THE LORD IS THINE, WILL YE BE FAITHFUL TO THE TRUST THAT IS PUT IN EACH OF YOU! KNOW IN WHOM YE HAVE BELIEVED! KNOW THAT HE IS LORD OF ALL, AND HIS WORD FAILETH NOT TO THEM THAT ARE FAITHFUL DAY BY DAY: FOR I, MICHAEL, WOULD PROTECT THOSE THAT SEEK TO KNOW HIS FACE!
In my prior post, I took shots at a meditation teacher who begin stating that it is impossible to stop the monkey-mind. In summation, if you believe that it is impossible to subdue the monkey-mind, then I say rather bluntly, "you should not be teaching meditation". That doesn't mean that one should not share what they have learned, especially if it is something that works in one's life. Rather, the problem arises when one tries to pass themselves as renowned, a master, etc. That becomes an issue in the Western world, where one's livelihood is based on teaching. Marketing comes into play, and as I've seen with many attorneys, one may need to "fake it until you make it" in order to attract the clients, etc. Hence, the need for westerners to add "certificates" or scholarship to their resume, as if "gurus" and "swamis" hand out awards and licenses. This is an issue when spiritual practices become commercialized. Though, on a positive note, some people are only ready to relieve stress as opposed to witnessing the greater possibilities of one's own spirit. Hence, such teachers can be a stepping stone, but also a distraction from the truth.
The same sentiment applies by those who dawn a spiritual robe, take the oaths, and may even live and breathe the spiritual environments. As I've seen, we're all to quick to bow to such individuals, especially in the East, though such individuals may hold valuable information for our own development. On some level, we're all each others teachers, as the Universe is reflected in each individual. However, many fall prey to the "expert phenomena", where our own diligence, rationality, and intuition are subdued to individuals considered "experts". In such circumstances, our power is given away to other individuals with think we can trust. In witnessing the current state of India's politics, where many "gurus" are putting on the political hat and pushing the Hindutva movement, I fail to see the greats like Sri Ramakrishna who found Brahman in every religion, even Islam. Though susceptible to traditional/cultural programming, I'm learning more and more that wearing an orange robe with a tilak doesn't render one enlightened or even holy, as compared to the standards of the greats that have walked this Earth.
You should not say, “This is my guru. What guru says I must follow.” That’s totally wrong! Buddha himself mentioned, “You must examine my teaching”. Similarly if one particular lama says something, you examine whether this goes well according to Buddhaʻs teaching or according to the circumstances in society. Then you must follow. If the lama says something; if you investigate and it’s not proper, then you should not follow the lama’s teaching. Even Dalai Lama’s teaching; if you find some contradiction you should not follow my teaching. -Dalai Lama
Spirituality breeds arrogance. Especially when paranormal experiences come into play, one tends to jump to conclusions and feel they have the truth. I've definitely fallen victim to those sentiments, which has become a continuous pitfall for my meditation. When an expansive thought arises in my mind, one that I feel should be shared to help others on their journey, I'm starting to realize that is only me ego that is attempting to pull me out of the absolute/Para-Brahman state back into my egoic-material-expression. The ego would rather be in the material world and thinking, even if it is expansive spiritual thoughts. However, that's what the monkey-mind does, it tricks you into thinking you're enlightened, when really, it pulls you out of the absolute state and back into the egoic. Too many people in the spiritual community have these experiences, are quick to jump to conclusions that are fanatically parroted out into the world, when really the goal is to become an empty vessel for higher expression. The empty vessel isn't destroying the ego, but liberating it from its bondages, moksha. This includes myself as I teach and similarly follow teachers/teachings.
In studying the esoteric writings of the Gnostic Christians as well as the works of Henry Spencer Lewis of the mystical organization AMORC, who claims to have texts on Jesus not readily available, it appears that Jesus was prepped for his position knowing the greatness of who he was from his birth based on his astrological sign (the reason why the Magi sought after him). Unlike others in the Essenes, including John the Baptist, Jesus was an open vessel who was fully filled through his initiation in an Egyptian pyramid. In other words, it appears that Jesus held very little egoic-programming where Higher Self was capable of being fully realized in the vessel that was Jesus. As part of his unfolding, Jesus needed to be further trained in order to be ready to teach at the highest level, where Jesus didn't begin his teachings until he was thirty (30), though he was being prepped since childhood.
Though we are all in this together, where we mirror information and are stepping stones to greater truth, the problem arises when people began to dawn titles and hold a superior conclusion that is propagated into the world, soley based on an "expert" title or clothing. Resonance is first and foremost important, where it seems extremely important that we do not get trapped into giving someone else our power, especially when it comes to broadening our perspectives that help us navigate our own spirituality.
When it comes to seeking and learning from a master, set your standards impossibly high. The highest is the absolute, where all else is simply an egoic illusion.
The Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine have taken different meanings based on the numerous spiritual teachers, all attempting to understand the human dynamic. Society, religion, and therefore our parents have all played a major role in shaping what it means to be "masculine" or "feminine", where certain colors, interests, emotions, are often given a gender dynamic. It seems that there was a masculine and feminine archetype, and humans based on their gender have sought to embody solely their own genders archetype. But such may have evolved into the shadow aspects of both the masculine and feminine, pushed forward by patriarchal leanings.
Religion is at the forefront of creating this programming, where individuals are to play the roles of their gender archetype. The whole "god made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" comes into play, with a deeper meaning stretching so much further than just simple sexual identity, yet these connotations pervade in every society-religion that takes issue of anything blending the male and female dynamic. In other words, this programming isn't just found in the Abrahmic traditions.
In the esoteric works, before there was Adam and Eve, there was Adam and Lilith. Lilith being the first female, created at the same time as Adam, and wishing to be seen as an equivalent. Adam wanting to be superior denies Lilith, forces others to do the same by crafting her as the mother of demons, and thus patriarchal superiority is born. The same is somewhat found in Hinduism, where the embodiment of shakti herself, Sati, is denied by her father, Daksha, as the creator of Hindu Culture. Daksha is a devotee of Visnu in opposition to Shiva, where Visnu's feminine counterpart is often depicted as passive and in support of Visnu. Whereas, Shiva's feminine, Sati-Shakti, will stand on Shiva when need be as Ma Kali. The smoke arising from Sati's sacrifice at Daksha's yajna creates the Grandmother form of Ma Kali known as Ma Dhumavati, the Mother of misery and bhutas, ghosts. Like Lilith, Dhumavati is somewhat in opposition of the patriarchal culture where those in these religions have often been told to stay away from such beings.
As a male, we're taught to deny these "feminine" emotions, pursue the Marlboro Man alpha male strength, where the only option in dealing with these "feels" is some form of intoxication. From my experience, this isn't just a programming that males hold, but one that is also similarly pushed by many females, all as part of the societal-religious programming. I know my ex-girlfriend called into question my masculinity when I couldn't always be the "rock", and similar dating profiles have held the metaphors of being an "ocean" looking for her "mountain". Many may say they appreciate a masculine willing to dive into their own depths, but let's just say actions speak louder than words, when really, the archetypal male/female programming describing what each gender should embody runs deep in humanity, as has been pushed for eons.
Given the significant amount of time that I've spent diving into meditation these last few years, where much of my external life has been at a standstill, I've come to understand that what is on the other side is more real than this physical delusion. Goddess mantras to fierce tantrik deities that dissolve my programming to crystallize Self, has brought an influx of feminine energy where such possessive energy has made me "feel" feminine when I meditate. In fact, under deep meditation, I would sometimes identify more-so with a feminine form, which has helped me come to understand that consciousness is unlimited in its capabilities where we ourselves subject our consciousness to the limitations we place upon it.
I've spent much of my life stooped in religion, mythology, esoterica, an obsession of mine to unravel the mystery's of the universe. Particularly in the last few years, I've somewhat studied ancient Indian Goddess Cults (Tantra), Pre-Creed of Nicea Christianity (Gnosticism), Hermetic Qabalah, as well as Ancient Alien materials including Sitchen's work and other materials about Sumer, etc. Though I was looking for the esoteric wisdom to push me further in my spiritual path, the historical context of such material unraveled a separation between mystical thought and religion.
All mystical schools, be it Tantrik, Qabalist, Hermetic, Taoist, Gnostic, Sufi, Troubador, etc., stress the importance of Self-Realization. Self-Realization is the unraveling of the ego-identity tangible universe, to recognize the essence, the atma, that resides within and permeates all that we perceive. It is to move beyond creation, to the absolute limitless light from which all that we perceive is a tangible transient dream. This is the practice of recognizing the truth within, where heaven resides as Jesus taught.
Religion on the other end, stresses the importance of the tangible transient dream, and the need to perpetuate such existence. As Brahma the creator is not worshiped, as he is the biggest Ego of creation who sought to be superior, similarly the Gnostic Christians did not worship Yadlbaoth, the creator God, who similarly sought to be superior. It is from these creator gods, these Prajapatis, that we have tradition, culture, the need to perpetuate a doctrinal way of life, where mystical schools have sought to dissolve such mental constructs and programming. Hence, the reason why Jesus conflicted with the Pharisees/Sadducees, who did things by the books written by the ancestors, and not by the essence found within.
In studying Tantra and the history of India, a different story unraveled than one which would be described by the fanatical religious. Akin to studying U.S. history from the eyes of the Indigenous, African-Americans, or Mexican communities, there is much to learn in studying Brahmanic India from the eyes of tribal/cult groups, many of which have become synthesized with or completely enveloped by Brahmanic standing.
In looking at the Indus-Valley and its lack of archaeological Hindu artifacts, sans what the religious describe, the Indus may be described as the first "secular" society (cited to the Brahmanic despised Wendy Doniger). The Indus-Valley has a water ditch which Brahmins have categorized as for ritualized bathing. Though such can easily be for water storage in an agricultural society. There are also numerous Shiva-Lingams allegedly found, or they could be mortar & pestals for, again, an agricultural society. Lastly, there is also a picture of a horned male, seated in what Brahmins deem a "yoga asana". However, one thing that I have noted from most religious depictions of this image, is that the undecipherable script is often not discussed or the size of the artifact, which is a mere 1"x1" stamp. Hence, the Brahmins could be correct, or there could be an alternative reason, but to decide now appears to be jumping the gun.
Further, despite what Brahmins have stated about their religious language Sanskrit influencing Indian languages, though Sanskrit has numerous similarities with European languages and maybe even Semetic, such is not so with Dravidian languages and the undecipherable Indus script. Such gives credence to the Aryan invasion theory, where the Brahmin tradition most likely invaded a country with a foreign people (Dashas?), with a foreign religion, and a foreign language. Though, the Hindu tradition today may really be a synthesis of numerous traditions, including Zoroastrian/Greek/Roman/Egyptian/Semetic/East African from the Hellenic period, a period significantly older than the earliest version of the Mahabharata/Ramayana (both conflicting Hindu and Jain versions), it appears most Hindus would not like to acknowledge such information and stories as having an outsider influence.
An interesting tidbit that the controversial translator Zecharia Setchin and the channeler Barbara Marciniak have discussed, is that the Sumerian Goddess Inanna was given the domain of the Harrapan Civilization. If such is true, ancient Indian religious traditions would be tied significantly to ancient Sumer. Further, archaeological artifacts thus far have shown Sumer to be contemporary with Indus, where Indus stamps have been found in Sumer as such societies traded with each other. Therefore, there could be much more influence on Hinduism from ancient Sumer than anyone has given credit, which has been thus far left unacknowledged.
The Indus Valley is the oldest civilization discovered in India, where Inanna would be one of the oldest traditions and influences in India. As she is associated with sex, mystery schools understand the correlation of sexual energy and knowing, or "gnosis", where kundalini is awakened. Hence, she would be the tantrik root of India. Also associated as a warrior Goddess, she would fit right into the Hindu pantheon, especially with comparable Durga. It is also interesting to note that historically, India has always been tied to the Goddess tradition, despite patriarchal Brahmanic traditions. The cult of yoginis which has been sought to be subdued is one such remnant, where such cults have been akin to salem witch hunts. Inanna is said to be the Queen of Heaven and Earth, who traversed into the underworld, who among her family, became an immortal, and hence, a Goddess. Just as the main yogini, Sati-Parvati, fell into the wheel of samsara and needed to find the Self-Luminous light, Prakasa, through yoga (union) to become the Goddess, Shakti. Though the stories may be different, the symbols/archetypes, seem to be common. Especially if Inanna is in competition with her patriarchal relative, Marduk.
In reference to the symbolism of the Indus Valley, it is noted that not just the male was given horns, but every animal in depiction including horses. All such animals were males. The only female depictions emphasized fertility as shapely figures, another aspect of Inanna. Hence, with horned males and pregnant females, these images may emphasize a fertility cult, a common ancient theme. Therefore, I'm finding Inanna's presence in ancient India more and more believable.
The Abrahamic Traditions trace their roots to ancient Judaism. But from studying Gnostic Christianity, as well as the history of the Middle East to get the proper historical context and foundations, Judaism may simply be a derivative of the Canaanite religion, where the ancient Jews adopted not only one of the many competing Canaanite deities (probably El later becoming YHVH, or IAO), but even the Hebrew alphabet may be adopted from the Canaanites as described by Professor Jodi Magness (The Holy Land Revealed). And where did the Canaanites get their religion from? Ancient Sumer.
Just as India may not give acknowledgment to Sumer, the Abrahamic traditions similarly follows suite. Though that could be simply due to the historical context only being recently disclosed with translations of the Sumerian tablets. Nonetheless, it is interesting enough to know that these traditions may hold some root to ancient Sumer, and quite possibly, the religious confliction we've seen on this planet.
In taking a look at the Sumerian religion, it seems to be a royal family (bloodline), attempting to fight over territory on Earth. As children of the father god, Anu, Enlil is more practical and wants to wipe the project of creation clean, where his brother Enki, is fond of creation and saves Gilgamesh from the great deluge. The family of Anu needs gold to support their planetary atmosphere, engineered mankind to be miners who worship their creators leading to blind servitude, but overall, is completely at loggerhead with each other fighting over dominion. As many know these beings to be the biblical Elohim, they brought much to humanity as evidenced by the superiority of the Sumerian civilization, which included an astronomy that surpasses modernity and has influenced every current tradition to this date, though probably not through a direct chain of command. These may well have been the pyramid builders, who share commonality all throughout the planet, over many different civilizations, including South America. Yet, as a dysfunctional family, they also brought their problems.
Given the strong influence ancient Sumer has imposed throughout our traditions, cultures, knowledge, and the potential link of all of our religions to this family, it makes one wonder if this is the reason for our territorial/resource wars and obsession with gold, should such family have a continuing influence. In studying all of these topics, I many not fully-believe such material yet, but I do feel like humanity has been deluded from our historical past. It seems we think we have it figured out, when really, we don't have a damn clue, as I continue going down this rabbit hole.
What's important to me is not the religious, political, cultural programming that we all have seemed to have bought into, where contradictory information is fought over, suppressed, etc., but the realization of the truth no matter how much it hurts and conflicts with our beliefs. But can we handle this truth? We can barely handle the truth of our politicians, but what of our religious figures, beliefs, and customs? Sadly, we may simply have to wait for the return of Nibiru for the great revelation of our history, of humanity, of our truth. Could this be why the Jesuits, our Pope, have been looking at the skies with observatories for so long? The truth is definitely out there, and it's not what we as the masses have been propagandically fed. Again, the question is, are we ready?
For me, the spiritual path was a confusion of what should be the end game. Like most, we tend to glorify individuals who have accomplished certain esoteric abilities, whether it be the ability to heal, to perceive beyond the norm, or conduct actions beyond our modern scientific understanding.
Those who have acquired certain abilities typically end up with followers, not a bad thing at first, but which may lead to guru worship. We all need gurus, be it our fellow humans, life itself, or that level of perception within beyond identification, we need to remove the obstacles of our ignorance in order to perceive on a wider scale. However, I don't think we need any more golden calves, especially in the age of information. As Nisargadatta Maharaj stated, "Do not look for a guru; do not even think of one. Make your goal your guru. After all, the guru is but a means to an end, not the end itself". In addition, Abhinavagupta in his Sri Tantraloka sets a rather high standard for a guru, where the guru in essence, should be none other than Shiva himself. Shiva does not create or manage creation/matter, he destroys and transcends it. Should one fail to find such a guru, turn to Adi Shakti herself, the feminine aspect of Shiva.
Abhinavagupta further discusses two modes that can be requested for an adept, though does not go into detail, nor is one considered superior to the other. The first category would be that of attaining boons, or Siddhas, many of which mimic the goals of other mystical practices relating to magick. The second is enlightenment, and given the correlation between Advaita and Saiva, enlightenment would be Self-Realization, where the individual ego (jiva), identifies with the cosmic ego (jagat), which then can collapse in itself into the formless bliss of Brahman or the Tao.
This is what separates Enlightenment from Siddhis/Magick, where such boons or abilities, are further illusions within the grand illusion, lila. Moreover, such abilities can not only attach one further into the illusion where it may just be too much fun in conducting such magick, but it would further attach other individuals who become attached to the adept. We've all seen it, we have a programmed tendency, often labelled as "natural", to worship and glorify something, be it our spiritual elders, our leaders, or our celebrities.
Unlike Enlightenment, Siddhis/Magick can similarly push you and others in the path to Self, but the potential for further delusion seems to be substantial. I'm assuming this is why Abhinavagutpa stated to use Adi Shakti who is Ma Kali, the destroyer of ego, the dissolution of all form, as a guide, where such abilities do not become a distraction. Further, occult initiates, including Aleister Crowley all stressed communion with Self labelled the Holy Guardian Angel.
Though the two paths can be different in a sense where the attainable goals are different, where the one Self Realized may not care so much for the realm of illusion other than helping other release their delusions, both paths are an expansion of consciousness. Expanse of consciousness is essentially seeing the illusion in new perspectives that offer a wider glimpse. Though siddhas/magick seem to be graduated steps into widening such perspectives of what is possible within the illusion, Self is as wide as the perspective can get where the illusion is finally dissolved.
The problem for the adept is that, you would have to want Self more than the glittery Siddhi/Magick of illusion. These perspectives often labelled as "blessings" or "gifts" can be extremely inhibiting from reaching to dissolve the "blessings" and "gifts" for Self.
Though many gurus are worshiped, or will give you something to worship, all of such are simply aspects of the Greek Psyche, or the Jungian archetypes of the mind. It seems that the true Enlightened guru will always have you looking within, to discover your own true Self.
When you are learning about the nature of the psyche, an even greater aura of the unknown exists. The unknown portions of the psyche and its greater horizons, therefore, have often been perceived as gods or as the greater psyches out of which the (little) self emerged."
I've spent much of my life studying esoterics. However, my intuitive process is infantile compared to my studies, where I have glimpses of my past where my intuition would be unknowingly providing me with long-ignored hunches. That may be the same for many of us who have been raised in a society ignorant of intuition, a society who has yet to begin to grasp the internal world of "know thy self". Nonetheless, we are all on our paths and all such occurrences and growth fall under divine timing, when we are ready to step up our mystic game, as plotted and planned by our expanded Selves. As I expand my own intuitive abilities, I'm left weary about the many intuitive that I once use to blindly believe. To sum it up, trust your own Self.
In following and communicating with others with intuitive abilities, ranging from astrologers, tarot readers, psychics, energy readers, among others, I noticed my constant inner shift has left me now ignoring many that I would have once followed and learned from. In fact, as I further my own growth, I'm constantly leaving teachers behind who I once thought were incredible. I feel that this is what many of us should strive for, or we will get lost in creating celebrities of these "gurus" which then leads to guru-worship, when really all these tools/permission slips should be forcing us to look at our own selves. Particularly when a teacher gets too cocky, stressing that they and their followers are the highest, that's usually my trigger to start seeking elsewhere. My Sagittarius roots has me constantly looking for deeper depths, my own true-essence, where I see many others attempting to emulate their guru or their gurus teachings as opposed to following their own inner resonance. Take what feels right, leave the rest in the dust, and explore as much as you can, particularly what feels to be the most blissful.
This is why Ma Kali has worked wonderfully for me, as my beloved she has me first and foremost looking towards myself as opposed to other gurus. She is the voice in my head that rings true by further asking me questions, and using my emotional body that truly navigates this ship. She is none other than the divine flame residing within our depths, dissolving the density of ignorance. Should I get too attached to a figure I find in separation/duality, something I find very often should a guru/yogi/magi display any special abilities (siddhis), Ma Kali will quickly cut those attachments for the brilliance of my own inner resonance. She is known as Adi Shakti for a reason, the first life force that permeates "All That Is". She is a wisdom Goddess first and foremost, that's in my head like Socrates asking questions as opposed to forcing me to accept something as truth. However, my interpretation of her may also be different since I sought her out beyond the typical Hindu belief structures, finding her in many differing traditions, and falling in line with my own expanded awareness through occult studies.
I see now why I was not born trusting my intuition for a reason, which was to develop my logic first. Though I was always scared of the dark despite being protected from horror movies, etc. (back then in the 80's, access to such was not as easy as today), my intuition would be chaotic knowing some-things are lingering behind the shadows as a child. Something I didn't realize and clear up until I conducted my first banishing ritual at the turn of the millennium in late high school. However, I do also realize that such fears may have been due to Christian fear programming from being raised in protestant elementary schools, who stressed the concepts of hell (most Christians adopt Dante's interpretation, since the Bible lacks description; even hel comes from the Vikings), or fear, guilt, shame of sin, enough limiting-beliefs to engage the law of attraction to manifest bullshit in one's life leading for one to beg for a messiah (a complete circle). Such has also permeated Hindu beliefs, and probably, historically strengthened by exoteric Islamic invading groups. Our Spirit has been ignorantly programmed by these exoteric groups, where in order to unleash more of our intuitive potential, a de-programming, a detachment to our limiting-shaming beliefs is required to truly grasp communication with Higher Self and proper guidance.
Hence, through my own seeking where I chose to move beyond what my educational systems, or major exoteric religious institutions were teaching, particularly dualist philosophies of separation, I managed to increase my logical abilities to sort through information that no longer resonates with where I am at in my spiritual development. Though, I understand such information may resonate with many others and are necessary for their growth, as they were once for me. Reading and studying as much esoterica as I possibly could in my short 32 years, yes, even as a child obsessed with the paranormal, I'm now noticing that I watch the plethora of youtube intuitives, teachers, gurus, all with their programming becoming more and more clear. For those who believe in separation, the concept of good vs. evil become clearly evident, where there is significant ego bashing as if it is the "new devil" to put one's blame. Similarly, they're plenty of light-workers in this category, who will tell you to be careful what you watch or listen with regards to the media, or will push the vegetarian/vegan agenda, without realizing that Spirit did not manifest into density to have limited experiences. We're not here to all fit within one box, but to hold numerous expressions for the expansion of Universal Consciousness. As Carl Sagan stated, "[w]e are a way for the cosmos to know itself". Hence, though such messages may come from attempting to better humanity, all should first and foremost ring true for the viewer before blindly accepting such information. What may be the correct way for one person's life may not be the correct way for mine, or others. Diversity is to be celebrated, even if it does not fit a particular agenda.
Hence, intuitives still grappling with these dualist notions tend to have their intuition limited by such programming, at least from what I feel. Particularly those that fall under exoteric limited religious organizations, where God simply cannot be a female for some limiting reason, or that which requires an opponent devil figure, such programming becomes easily exposed limiting the presenters ability to grasp a wider perspective ... and that's all "intuition" really is, the ability to see the bigger picture. Hence, with the intuition, the right hemisphere of the brain also known as the divine feminine (Christ the Sophia), is often limited by the divine masculine (Christ the Logos), the logical left hemisphere of the brain, because of beliefs including religious programming. Therefore, we have to be careful we don't fall into the "expert phenomena" where we render someone with a certificate to hold superior intelligence that turns off our own critical thinking and inner resonance. I am definitely guilty of such and it took me to become an attorney to see that, that a certificate doesn't render higher intelligence (especially in a world where "experts" can be bought), but I realize that it was a stepping stone for my own growth.
As an example, I use youtube "angel card" intuitive readers, particularly from those with a Christian dualist perspective. Even though such readers may be able to communicate with angels, I find the perspectives to be harshly limited by some individuals (not all) where the reader may not understand that the concept of angels and demons come from the greek "daemon", simply being a contracted entity. It is human notions that place these daemons, these gargoyles, into human dualist ethical standards. As a human is considered to be created in God's image and hold a position higher than these angels, it is because humans grasp the plethora of duality, both the light and dark, just as the unlimited One. Humans are a microcosm of the great macrocosm, as above so below. Even the devils of these religions are not necessarily all-evil beings, but are more likely the gods of the conquered cultures. Lucifer is the morning star, the lighted one, who later became the Christian opponent. Satan, or Sheitan, simply means "opposer", where again, this devil imagery is derived from Dante rather then biblical interpretations. In fact, from reading the Old Testament with beings (plural!) labelling themselves as YHVH who are constantly smiting groups and individuals to get their way, the "opposer" doesn't seem to be the figure to blame as expressed in the Lord's Prayer where you ask the "Father" to "lead us not into temptation", not the devil. Though one can explore the lower astral realms and find figures of "evil", my perspective for such travels is to understand why and what I was to learn from these experiences, as opposed to playing the blame game. Hence, from what I've found, logic must meet the intuition to see a wider perspective. It's a balance of the hemisphere's of the brain, wholeness, where your intuition will only take you as far as your logic can grasp.
That's just me, everyone's on their own path, and these readers are here for a particular group of individuals. Again, I take what resonates and leave the rest behind, where I guard myself from falling victim to the "expert phenomena" concept. Those intuitives that I trust the most are usually those whose majority words are aligned to my own inner resonance (logically built up from years of studying), leaving me at the edge of my seat with further anticipation. Piercing the veil is another game, another discernment, that we're forging, where it behooves us to not be quick to simply accept what is perceived, but remain in critical assessment to ever increase our understanding about these provided messages, as they are expressed through our filters, our programming.
Nonetheless, the intuitive to trust the most is your own Self, where the real Guru resides in the hidden energy center within the cranium, the Guru Chakra, the destroyer of ignorance. However, the energy flowing through from these external intuitives may be the real deal that you can also energetically tap into their frequency, but again, the wording expressed may be significantly filtered. Hence, always ask yourself, does it ring true for you. Follow your own inner guidance.
I've been spending more time meditating, seems appropriate given the current political climate with opposing sides clashing every which way. Given certain calms and imaginings that spring from within, it's like an exercise where I'm trying to strengthen my ability to be aware of intangible realms, and request some form of healing. I've recently had an interesting meet and greet with Chinnamasta that I had hoped to strengthen through continuous use of her mantra. However, as I proceeded to invoke her imaginings last night, in the middle of moving through my japa beads, my mind made the gradual shift to another Mahavidya in which I remember in very little detail. Ma Dhumavati's mantra is very simple and mainly consists of her name. Hence, if you can remember her name, you'll most likely remember her mantra after seeing it once.
Slightly over a month ago, I took a short trip to the legendary Mt. Shasta, which had all sorts of obvious oddities occur unlike my prior trips. On the second night, before getting some shut-eye, I had taken out my copper yantra dedicated to the 10 Mahavidyas and lit a candle to watch over me as I slept. Given that our rental was very close to a late 1800's cemetery, the fear of beings messing with my slumber arose, where the copper yantra was enough to subdue such worries. While still adjusting myself to call it a night, I had the image of a decrepit elderly white woman with frizzy white hair pop into my mind, almost like a character from a zombie flick, but not as macabre. At first I brushed the image away as my imagination, but the image arose immediately afterwards, which engaged my analytical mind. Was this someone that I had seen earlier or maybe this is a lost soul from the cemetery requesting my assistance? My mind quickly went through numerous ideas no matter how absurd, but I just as quickly brushed it off to rest for the night. In waking, I lingered in the comfort of my rest with my back towards the Mahavidya copper yantra that I had propped up. As my mind quickly adjusted itself to my surroundings, I felt as if someone was standing behind me. That "presence" then rushed itself closer to me to the point where I felt like it plugged itself into me from behind me. Immediately, my sympathetic nervous system chose to mentally fight. I cursed this thing, this sensation moving inside me to damnation reminiscent of my Christian education upbringing. In my short battle, I heard numerous masculine and feminine voices speaking in strange tongues, and felt light glowing at my crown as I was lulled into my old enemy, sleep paralysis.
I've experienced sleep paralysis quite a bit in my life, particularly in my pre-adult years. There is one I remember in particular around my high school years. After a nap, my eyes and consciousness were awake to my room, but I couldn't twitch a muscle. Realizing that I was under paralysis, you basically tell yourself to wake up and move until you are able. In that process, I immediately felt a breathe on my neck with a subtle growl that grew louder as I focused my awareness on it. Again, fight or flight, where you fight for the ability to move and wake up out of the paralysis. At this time, I developed the opinion that sleep paralysis was simply the in-between state of the astral plane and physical reality. Hence, I was still dreaming and dreams were just dreams for me then.
After my recent Mt. Shasta incident, I kept that experience in mind and related that experience to my high school sleep-paralysis experience relayed above. As odd as this experience was, it was not the most odd event to occur on this trip, but that maybe another story. In understanding sleep paralysis, I remember a course called "Visions of the Sacred" in my early college years, where certain traditions associate sleep paralysis with an "old hag" that would paralyze a sleeping individual by sitting on his/her chest. This "old hag" carried vampiric succubus qualities that would feast on the victims energy. The correlation between the "old hag" and my "decrepit elderly white woman" image was too outstanding.
For all my reasoning, I could not portray this "old hag" visit as negative, though it was a frightening experience. My logic took me through an analysis: first showing me that the Mahavidyas were watching over me as the copper yantra was nearby; second, that given my association with Ma Kali I'm assuming that lower entities would not mess with me; and third, I also would not expect harmful entities to approach me when I had a few high vibrational gemstones around me. But still couldn't conjure an answer. Could this be something trying to reach out to me for assistance? Or, could this be a teacher given that the internal experience after plugging inside me was surreal?
This bout of sleep paralysis wasn't even my most recent, where I similarly had an experience last week. While coming out of sleep and jumping into paralysis, I felt as though something was trying to grab me and pick me up. I shook myself to the fully awakened state, and simply grunted, "fuck, again!". Though no visuals, there was still something about this "old hag" that just stuck with me believing it to have returned, but I couldn't settle on a reason. I had asked myself if she was a Mahavidya, but when I looked through my books, there were no images of an elderly frail woman. I know I have seen a form of the Indian Devi as a fierce elderly figure, but brushed it off as either a village Goddess, or a destructive Matrika (Mother) entity.
Going back to my meditation, as I honed in on the reverberations of Dhumavati's mantra, I immediately noticed the difference between Chinnamasta and Dhumavati. Chinnamasta was solid though decapitated, where you feel grounded in your body with the ability to be aware outside of your body. Dhumavati was more tied to the soul realm, where I was awareness not attached to a body. In fact, I appeared to be above the physical realm in this gloomy area looking down into the physical realm. In order not to confuse with the Atman/Spirit, this felt more like ghosts, or what we call fucking Bhoot.
As a child, I was really frightened of the dark, because I always felt there was something lurking and watching. Despite my utter fascination with the paranormal, these fears were hard to conquer, which I am confident to admit knowing that many share the same phobia. However, such fears have been drastically minimized due to my practice and acquaintance with Ma Kali. Seeing the "old hag" in Mt. Shasta, even just in my head, was unsettling. However, I was equipped with the ability to not let my fears pull me down. In my meditation, I felt the rush of fear as if knowing something frightening was about to be revealed, but I wasn't about to turn back. There she was, an old decrepit fierce woman, where in forgetting the mantra my mouth was uttering, I calmly paid attention to my fear. It was like the sensation of "oh, shit!", as I thought to myself, am I going to finally face one of my greatest childhood fears. Fear is always the opposite end of the spectrum where one should linger. It is the real root of all evil. And here I was.
In facing this "old hag", luckily the mantra to Ma Dhumavati was still being uttered, as I quickly remembered who I was attempting to contact. As a Mahavidya, I simply looked at her and realized she was just another form of my beloved Ma Kali. With the sensation of a child realizing that it is his mother behind a Halloween mask, I ran up to her and said "I know you are Ma, you can't scare me". I looked at her with the love as in the way a child looks at his/her mother with my arms thrown in the air expecting her to pick me up. I was held in her arms, fully protected from everything she was to show me. She showed me outside of myself, outside of the colorful existence that we call reality, to a gloomy realm a few notches above the physical reality where ghosts seemed to have their play. Though I wasn't much interested in the ghosts, I focused on the numerous layered realms that were above the visual Ma Dhumavati was showing me. It was expansive to see that there are other layers to what we perceive and to look down from this gloomy realm into the colorful physical reality. As it was most likely to release some fears, I was only able to quickly grasp a few moments before the imaginings quickly dissolved.
After meditation, I returned to my books and online images to re-discover Ma Dhumavati. Though I was more familiar with the "smoky image" shown above, Ma Dhumavati is associated with the elderly form of Kali, the "old hag". No doubt from my expression above, I felt her as Ma Kali more so than Tara and Chinnamasta. Dr. David Frawley defines her as the "Grandmother Spirit", or the ancestral guide to the Goddesses in his Tantric Yoga and the Wisdom Goddesses. He further describes her as the "smoky one" where she obscures one thing to reveal another, like how she obscured physical reality for me to reveal something on the other side. She is the primordial energy before creation, Shakti before Shiva, where she exists as pure potential. Hence, she is considered to be the void. She is not revealed in the ordinary world, but exists in the background like a smoke screen.
With Ma Dhumavati, I feel blessed for the opportunity to be given a glimpse of what is behind the smoke screen. Moreover, I'm really realizing that there is more truth hidden within us, for those daring enough to seek for it.
Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions