Chinnamasta on the other hand, because I'm fairly new to her essence, I didn't know what to expect or how I would be internally triggered. Allowing her mantra to reverberate throughout my 12 chakra system, beginning from bottom upwards, I dissolved into her being one fateful night. Not knowing what was to come, along with the inability to actually imagine her as a real being given that she is decapitated, I thought I wasn't going to be able to experience her. She seemed unreal, like who goes around walking without a head. Hell, if it wasn't for Ma Kali, I'm not sure I would even invoke such a being out of fear. Not sure if it was due to my work with Ma Kali, but unlike Ma Kali and Ma Tara, Chinnamasta did not hold that terrifyingly terrific passionate flare. Actually, she may have, I could be just simply accustomed to it and look forward to the fiery spinal thrusts of dissolving my atomic structure.
Going up my chakras and allowing the seeds of mantra to expand my inner feeling, I wasn't expecting to see much but rather just linger in the intensity. However, once at the throat chakra, where judgment resides in search for the truth, I noticed that my head wasn't quite attached. In fact, my head was resting tilted upwards on my hands with my outstretched arm as if decapitated, with my mouth gaping wide open filling with Sushumna nectar. Moreover, I didn't just have one head, I had three, with my two other heads similarly placed in what I assumed to be my many arms. Similarly, the two heads drank of the Ida and Pingala Nadi's, the feminine and masculine psyche. At this point, I'm focusing on my head, which is quite not attached to my body, where I'm aware of the Kundalini flows into my three mouths. Not wanting my body to be left behind with the spiritual experience, I noticed that I held the ability to reverse the flow, where the channels would flow out of my mouth with a rush downwards into my body.
Moving into my crown, and into what could be higher with four remaining chakras above, I allowed my body to internally adjust itself, particularly in the cranial cavity where the right hemisphere (left side of the body) needed to relax and match the right hemisphere (left side of the body). Once balanced, I felt whole and complete within myself. No where left to run to with all my spiritual practices, no more mantras or other permission slips, just fully relaxed in either the sensation of holding infinity or within my own ego-self, it didn't matter what I chose as it was all perfect. It was my self-sacrifice that allowed my ego-self to surrender, but it was a surrender filled with the sensation of strength. Further, by seeing myself from the decapitated heads peering at my animal body, such only added credence to the idea that consciousness is not tied to the body, that what we deem to be our spirit is only awareness.
Again, I knew not what to expect and sure wasn't thinking I'd morph into this sensational experience. I guess I assumed there would be messages, but then what would a decapitated Goddess say? That won't stop me from trying, but at least I now feel she's willing to assist me. I may be pursuing her out of sheer curiosity, feeling safe guarded with Ma Kali's blessings. But I can't quite feel the emotional heart chakra expansion with her in comparison with Ma Kali. However, I can't feel that love with Ma Tara yet either. Nonetheless, I'll accept her wonderful blessing of a balanced healing knowing that it's all leading towards a bigger picture, one that I cannot currently fathom.
Diwali night, October, 30, 2016, I left my night time meditation to sleep telling myself, "holy shit, you've just got a massive upgrade". I was left in awe and the knowing that nothing will be the same. I know my meditation has been more expansive, but to bridge the two worlds, of the seen with the unseen, it appears to be a pioneering experience for me.
It's Diwali, we have the abundant materialist Lakshmi who is honored and praised in this tradition, to attract the fortunes available in the new year. As a devotee of Kali, I would like to transcend such attachments, but realizing her manifestations as Sodashi, or Kamala, the wisdom of the universe is beautifully abundantly there for our enjoyment. Nonetheless, after leaving the parental households of numerous relatives all paying homage to Lakshmi, I returned home to meditate holding a copper blessed yantra dedicated to the Mahavidyas, including the Lakshmi twin Kamala.
Immediately drawn within with the help of my guides, my channels are flowing, and my mind is tied to the mantra vibrating from my third-eye as the vibrations echo through my body. As I pause to move into a state of being of no-thought to feel the connection between my crown and to a place beyond creation, I'm immediately slammed into a wave that forces my body to convulse. Lingering here, I'm immediately noticing the subtle sounds of my surroundings with no mental interpretations. My inner body is clear which can only be described as oxygen entering into new areas of my body, from my lower pubic area to my forehead. My skull is struggling to hold the energy within my head, as my body is stretching, spine cracking, muscles releasing, the only thing I can do is to relax into myself. As anxiety and stress is flushed down my grounding cord from my root chakra to the center of the Earth, I finally feel like myself, unbound by the external worlds wants and demands.
In my own psyche, I needed to forgive the worst of the worst, but first I needed to realize who that may be for myself. If Showtimes "Dexter" taught me anything, it was to enter the mind of a feeling-less sociopath and see life through a serial killer's perspective. "Dexter" is a show that leaves you supporting the serial killer, who becomes somewhat relate-able as a good-guy character as he targets hard-criminals as a way to manage his "dark passenger". So typical murders may not be so bad for me, I wanted to realize who really I think is unforgivable. I realized, that it would be anyone who does something to criminally harm children. In embodying the Christ energy, I needed to ask myself the more difficult question, "what if I did something this heinous in a past life?". As the panic attack developed at this sheer idea, I realized I needed to heal those aspects of me.
In remembering the love of Christ, I felt his pain and humiliation on the Cross as I looked out at the shouting audience wishing his ultimate demise. As a God, I assumed Jesus could easily detach from his pain, the way yogis and taoists detach from their senses. Jesus could have been completely detached, the way we go into no-mind under meditation or hypnosis, but he remained present to experience the pain for the benefit of his accusatory viewers.
I asked myself, how would Christ's suffering benefit his viewers? Immediately I was in the position of shouting profanities and the worst hells upon a fragile tearful figure spread out on the Cross. In that fury, I heard the Christ mumble, "Father forgive them". In that glow, I realized despite what I did to what appeared to me to be another flawed human being, that figure still loved me enough to have asked to have me forgiven.
All the while moving through this, the mantra to Goddess Kali was being vibrated and echoed through my inner caverns. The worst of the worst all have one thing in common, fear. They work from a place of fear, instill fear, and find power through fear. The Goddess Kali has always been portrayed in a very fearful aspect, one that is suited to Halloween, which was the following day of October 31, 2016. In attempting to unite with Her, in her fearful form, I realized my own fears in doing so. In other words, She was my Goddess of Fear. In helping me with my fears and bridging love into parts of me I deem unforgivable, I needed to fall in love with the Goddess of Fear. The one thing more fearful than being a victim of heinous criminal acts would be to commit the heinous criminal act. But we need to recognize the wisdom of those circumstances, such as the wisdom gained from the act of the Christ Crucifixion, which is to completely love and forgive others and our own selves.
Thereafter, the meditation concluded by seeing myself seated in lotus position in the center of an ancient court surrounded by the 10 Mahavidyas, all showering their blessings on me. However, it's not that we were separate, but we were all one. I could feel them outside me as I get to admire them, but I also felt them inside me, as me. As Tara I would feel fierce, as Sodashi I would be a teenage girl ready to rebel and forge my way into adulthood, as Chinnamasta I would feel balanced within, and so forth.
Law of Attraction:
Law of Attraction teachings disclose that in order to attract an object or circumstance into one's life, one has to match that frequency. That frequency is found through our own vibrations indicated by our emotional body. In other words, FEEL like you have already accomplished obtaining the object or circumstances, and FEEL into as much as possible. In other words, imagine the life you desire, and FEEL into it to trigger your emotional body. Emotions tends to follow thought patterns, where if one feels angry, angry thoughts will follow, if feeling happy, happy thoughts will follow. Hence, when you FEEL into what you are trying to attract, your emotional body will also trigger your Psyche, including any blockages that inhibit manifestation.
Shivoham is also a mantra, where mantra is derived from the word manas or mind. Hence, the use of mantras triggers a re-calibration of thoughts, and directs focus. To place the Law of Attraction technique above with the chosen mantra is a powerful tool to becoming closer to Shivoham, or another deity of choice. To vibrationally match the deity of choice by understanding and embodying His/Her mythology and maintaining focus through the use of mantra, well, you're bound to at least feel something shifting.
To embody a deity through the use of imagination can raise all sorts of blockages. One such blockage as found throughout our societies is a manipulative and domineering understanding of humility. Raised in a Hindu household, we've bowed to everything, honored numerous external things as sacred, and certain things can create offense such as trimming a tulsi (holy basil) plant to some. Raised in Christian education, we were constantly told to repent because we are sinners, told that we're unworthy, etc. Under the Law of Attraction, if you're holding a sense of sinful unworthiness or the likes, you may be just further distancing yourself from your divinity, where such ideas and emotions arise when attempting to embody the feeling of the divinity. When such blockages arise, it screws up the meditation where thoughts of unworthiness from a false understanding of humility arise.
Nonetheless, there are techniques to bypass the blockages. For example, in my meditations to Kali, the divine Mother, I would initially approach her as a child. She's called the Mother for a reason where under this symbol, she's been very easy to approach. It's much easier to imagine oneself as a child then it is to imagine oneself as Shiva. From what I've found, approaching Kali with an ego-identity is the quickest way to trigger her fiercer aspects, though it has its benefits where she assists in clearing. Though to approach her as an equivalent, as Shiva, and vice-versa, to approach Shiva as Kali, well, I'll just say that's a climactic vibration, one that can be felt in the spine. After writing this, I probably should say to approach her as a child, then your ego-self and let her do her work, then Shiva.
Hence, in approaching the divine, if it's difficult to place worth on the ego-identity, then choose the divine within, the self-luminous light of consciousness that remains unblemished, to shine forth and match that vibration that you're trying to bridge. Be forewarned, this technique is powerful, so I should provide a warning. To reach for the divine is to unravel the ego-identity, which is everything that you thought you were. iShiva!
My last day in Sedona was exhaustively eventful. My body was sore, but I've taken care of myself enough where the pain was minimal. Although a bit dirty and ready to crawl back into a bed, I drove back down the gorgeous scenery to International I AM where I was enthusiastically greeted by name by one of International I AM's owners, Christina. With complete elation, she was in gratitude that I came to support their students. Again, I was a bit perturbed at first given my motives were completely selfish in that, I'm looking for some answers. Given the power of Wednesday's session, I didn't doubt the caliber of the students, who were also at the Wednesday session.
Each student took her turn requesting to enter the energy of a particular audience member for a short message from Spirit. Although there were gaps of time between obtaining messages, each moment was well spent as I was completely impressed by each students ability. Although my messages appear to be a bit cryptic, others audience members who had no correlation to the organization had messages on point. Nonetheless, I was given messages such as holding a duality where I have the conservative appeal on one side and a flip to that with a "freak" side. Provided that my spirituality is my "freak" side, where I am intimidated to disclose much of my knowledge/experiences as they are not the norm, I have found myself becoming more and more open since my first visit to Sedona. Apparently, Spirit was really applauding me for that aspect of myself. In addition to obtaining some well-needed career information, the presence of two Spirit dogs following me (the 1 hour sessions was mainly silent outside, but dogs began barking when this tidbit was disclosed), I was also provided information about a joyful event (Wedding; not necessarily mine) to help boost my emotional body, an unknown but distant travel to Africa for the end of next year, and quick visit and hello from my maternal Grandmother who was kneading bread (roti) in the after-world.
The session ended with a quick goodbye where I thanked the owners, Whitney and Christina, for both Wednesday and Friday. The sessions were a big part of my Sedona experience that I will always remember and I felt saying goodbye was the perfect way to end my Sedona trip. Although I didn't think of it at the time, Whitney had expressed to me that when she saw me walk into the building, she had the sense that I was also going to stand up in the front and give a reading as if I was a student. Maybe that's a prediction for the future, as both Whitney and Christina would be excellent teachers given the positivity that effortlessly flows through them, but I'll leave that up to Spirit to decide. For now, I'm complacent with the knowing that Spirit is guiding me and believe will continue to have a greater presence in my life.
My last day in Sedona was a bit exhausting. However, instead of driving back to Southern California later that day, I was going half way to the gambling spot of Laughlin, NV. for the night. A brilliant plan provided that the following day was Halloween, and I didn't want to exhaust myself driving to visit my nieces and nephews.
Again, I woke up early to get to Cathedral Rock before other tourists ventured to the area. Probably a 1 hour steep hike, the views on Cathedral Rock are incredible. On the top of the trail, you're at the bottom of the large boulder rocks surrounding you like the sensation of being in an open top cave looking out into the horizon. I managed to get to the top where I was alone for a good 40 minutes. With no one to answer to, no one to describe the sensation of the experience, I was able to simply be. The first time I did this hike in 2014, I was left thinking how do I describe this experience to my numerous family members still sleeping in the hotel. However, there was nothing worth reflecting on and I was able to simply adjust myself mentally to soak up the moment.
One of the things I would notice from each of the vortexes that I had visited in Sedona was a knowing at the end of my visit, that I had got what I came for, whatever that may be. In carrying that thought, I was immediately greeted by a tourist who made it to the top and shrieked "damn" rather loudly at the view. Slowly coming out of my Sedona induced bliss, I tried to keep my attention on the view but was distracted by the tourists. Apparently coming in separate groups, instead of taking in the view, many of the tourists immediately proceeded to take posing pictures, talk with each other about where they came from, and then immediately walked back down the path. No one else noticed the moon's brilliance, which left me thrilled as I selfishly felt that she was only shining for me (Can you find her in the pictures above). Again, to each their own.
Given that I wasn't able to trail Boynton Canyon the prior day due to the rains, I was again under time constraints on Friday to get done everything I wanted to accomplish. Moreover, I was feeling the burn of the hikes after the steep Cathedral Rock. Nonetheless, I pushed on to the neighboring vortex of Bell Rock, didn't climb as much as this vortex is usually littered with tourists, then proceeded to lunch and Boynton Canyon afterwards. I was dismissed from handling Boynton Canyon the prior day because of the rain, however, I think I was meant to traverse this trail at a particular moment to feel her magick.
Everything has a purpose and I began feeling the magick of the songs as the drums drew in a hawk that flew above us. The hawk can be seen as the Egyptian Neter Horus, symbolic of the third-eye. As Ted Andrews further elaborates in Animal Speak, the red-tail hawk shows the seat of primal energy with the grounding color red, but yet soars high in the sky. Moreover as further discussed, the Ojibwa consider this bird as a messenger of the Gods, providing you with signals. Again, I was reminded of the Chariot that I drew from the tarot deck, the timing was perfect for me to have this experience and I knew that something was looking out for me.
As other tourists started making their way into our prayers having conversations on which direction to walk next, I again had the knowing that I got what I came for. It was time for me to go, to leave the natural bliss of Sedona as Boynton Canyon was the last natural stop for me before revisiting International I Am. As I was walking down the trail with the full knowing that I was done, I couldn't help but feel a bit of loneliness as I felt that this trip would have been so much more if shared with a special someone who would be open to the same experiences. No doubt I had come across and greeted many attractive tourists/locals. However, as my emotional body began spiraling downward while walking to my car, a fellow elderly gentleman walking up the pathway quickly greeted me and stated "I have something for you, it's in the shape of heart as it holds all of the loving energies that Sedona has to offer". I was handed a Sedona red rock carved into a heart shape. The gentleman quickly scrambled on while I was still in a state of shock telling him, "I really appreciate the gift". I was completely dumbfounded. Well, what do you think, is something looking out for me?
The owners of International I AM, Whitney and Christina, are full of love and light. They were not pushing a sales gimmick, but legitimately have a service to offer to help clients throughout numerous facets of their lives. Hence, although intimidated of what may arise, the energy in the room was relaxing and nothing like a horror movie portraying spiritualists as something unholy. In the dark room, after requesting my spirit guides to assist me, I found that I had the inability to open my eyes. Not thinking it was anything beyond the norm, I didn't address this issue with the group. Like my typical meditations experiences, I felt some pressure inside my head. Moreover, anytime I tried to open my eyes, my eyes would feel a burning sensation making me teary eyed. It wasn't until another individual in the room disclosed similar sensations that I immediately considered that this was Spirit. As one of the owners had described, Spirit was merely working with our chemistry to increase sensitivity.
After disclosing my sensations, I relaxed into the pressure of my head, didn't fight to keep my eyes open, and just let the cool relaxing tears flow. As one individual in the room noted, there was a Spirit above my head working on clearing some things as well as cat walking around my right foot. Moreover, another individual noted a labyrinth in front of me, where she described that I needed to walk a labyrinth to find the answers that I have been looking for. The stress of the long day of driving was melting away, the room had actually gotten impossibly darker somehow, I saw a shooting star flare on the ceiling, and I knew I was where I was suppose to be. The clearing above my head was completely believable given what I was feeling and was something I have been trying to do with my meditations. The labyrinth made perfect sense and had noted that labyrinths have also been showing up for me in the last year. But, the cat, the cat is what really got me and I didn't really think about it until after I got back to my hotel. As described in my prior posts, a large black jungle cat has made her presence known in my prior meditations that ended up becoming a segue to feeling the sensations of Kali. Could this cat be the same as in my meditations?
Feeling the exhaustion of the day and ready to sleep, I left back to my hotel immediately after the session. As I laid in bed, I could not help but think that I might be able to see something if I relaxed into the darkness of the room enough. But as fear struck in and knowing that I wanted to get up early to hit the trails, I called in quits and rolled over to sleep.
The following day was the only day it rained on my trip. Luckily, there were only slight drizzles in the morning where I was able to handle the airport vortex (and trail). The airport vortex offers you a complete 360 degree view of Sedona and is only a brief 10 minute climb. Although the twisting juniper trees were not as abundant as expected signifying vortex areas, the view was enough to experience a higher view or tap into a higher perspective. For the life of me, I do not know how tourists quickly scramble to these areas, take pictures, then leave without really soaking up the scenery. It's like looking at the Mona Lisa for a few minutes without spending the time to enjoy the details of each brushstroke. But oh well, to each their own. From here, I traveled to the "Tuzigoot" ruins. Like the sphinx, much of Tuzigoot was originally covered in soil and needed to be excavated. What was found was a large brick-and-mortar structure that apparently housed many different indigenous groups, like a meeting point.
I wanted to trail boynton canyon thereafter, but the winds and rains made me settle for exploring the shopping areas instead. I probably went through most of Sedona's new age shops that were clustered in the main shopping areas, looking for deals on gemstones that I would resonate with. There are definitely price differentiations between the shops where I was able to find some great deals. Nonetheless, the rainy day was still highly fruitful where I ended up back at the hotel around 8:30 pm ready to prepare for the next day of even more hikes and a revisit to International I AM. Read Part III here.
Sedona holds a special place for me. I visited these red rock mountains for the first time last year, where I purchased my lemurian quartz that really opened up the world of gemstones for me. I believe Sedona was a catalyst in increasing my sensitivity to beyond tangible reality. So with my boss leaving for a week to visit family out of country, I decided to take an impromptu trip back to Sedona to re-experience what has become my favorite place traveled so far.
The day before my trip, Tuesday, Oct. 27, was the full moon in Taurus. The energetics are more grounded compared to what the astrological shifts have been addressing these last few months. Numerous websites have addressed this as "dreams come true" or simply "settling feelings" where the road we walk is a bit more stable. Awesome energetics to take this short sabbatical to hopefully gain some grounding again. Provided that my condominium faces west, I normally don't get to see the moon until much later in the night or early morning. However, waking up for work on Oct. 27, she appeared from a small open fold within my bedroom window curtain, shining in all of her glory. I took that as a good sign with the idea that hopefully my trip will look somewhat like James Redfield's The Celestine Prophecy.
Prior to my travels, with last minute planning, I researched events occurring during my stay. Among the concerts, or Halloween festivities, there was one "new agey" event that sparked my interest. This was the only event scheduled during my stay, a Psychic and Mediumship Workshop at the Sedona "International Institute of Advanced Metaphysics (International I AM)". As an introvert that mainly wanted to get to the vortexes with as much mental clarity as possible, I hesitated to do any social event. However, I told myself, "if it's close to my hotel, then I should really consider it". Well, it ended up being 0.2 miles, or a 5 minute walk away from my room. So I registered.
Provided that my 2014 trip lacked visiting the indigenous ruins, I chose to visit "Montezuma's Castle/Well" (nothing to do with Montezuma) which is right before Sedona. It was a nice detour from immediately going to my hotel, where there was only so much I could squeeze in between 12:30 pm and the scheduled 6:50 pm workshop. But, everything worked out perfectly. The "Castle/Well" reminded me of alternative history tunnels into inner earth, something straight out of a David Hatcher Childress book. It was my first stop on my trip, and although I felt the solitude of being on my first solo personal travel, there was no loneliness with the knowing that I have a higher purpose for this trip. I then proceeded to the Amitabha Stupa for further blessings for my travels before I check-in with my hotel.
The next stop I had planned was my hotel, rest for a bit and clean-up, then move on to the workshop. However, I missed making a right into my hotel parking lot and made the next right to turn back around. However, in huge print was displayed on a poster "book sale today", where I took the bait and ended up spending the next hour at the Sedona Public Library. On seeing the metaphysical books this place had for sale, and at the near-steal prices, let's just say I was having flashbacks to the Chariot card. After spending about $45 for books ranging from Tibetan high meditation to the Rosicrucian's, I was under the pressure to rush to make sure I made it to the workshop.
I quickly entered the hotel check-in rushing knowing that I needed to iron my clothes, shower, and hopefully take a short breather before the workshop. I was greeted with the scent of delicious Indian food and a fellow Indian who greeted me with a huge smile. A bit exhausted, I took in the room decor with a large "Aum" symbol, numerous tourist flyers, many large and gorgeous gemstones, and a picture that made my jaw drop. On the wall, the Hindu owners had hung a picture of the beautiful Hathor. If you've read my prior posts, you know my affinity for Hathor and her connection with Kali. After the owner told me a few things about Sedona and knowing I was under time constraints, I just had to ask about the Hathor portrait.
I only had enough time to unload my car, iron my clothes, and quickly dash to the workshop. I was exhausted and a part of me didn't want to be in a social atmosphere. Just wasn't in the mood, and food and sleep sounded pretty good. However, I knew I would hate myself if I missed this experience. Hence, I proceeded to "International I AM" and was greeted by numerous females who just had a radiant glow. Everything and everyone was of love and light. As a workshop to increase sensitivity, I was expecting an arsenal of techniques to add to my meditations or confirm my current practices. However, the workshop ended up being so much more powerful, do I dare label it more of a seance.
More to come in part II.
Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions