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In Hinduisim we have a saying, "when the student is ready, the teacher will come". Since I was a child, so many alleged teachers have stepped into our family households. We've had brilliant Vedic practitioners, devotional monks, fundamentalists (from numerous religions), and sometimes a few esoteric oddballs that don't seem to fall into a category. Overall, even if the "teachers" had some legitimate teachings, I was really turned off by spiritual car salesman pitch. Because of my refusal to submit to any particular teaching, mixed with the desire to know that there is more out of life, out of spirit, I can feel that I've been divinely guided. In my search for higher truths, or beliefs that are more-in-line with spirit, I've since realized the Universe herself is my teacher. I've had a natural inclination to devote to a divine entity upon walking this earth. Hence, our ancient spiritual stories ring true in my heart. My search is for the highest, which I felt as a child was Shiva, our Transcendent Lord. It was not until I seen a woman standing on my guy, that I had to realize that there is always another level. Nonetheless, reaching for the great Divine Mother of Illusion, Mahamaya, the Goddess known as Kali, the space/time fabric of our Universe, to help me seek wisdom has been the only main submission for me. Though I still seek "gurus", and revel in numerous teachings crafted by humans, I cannot submit to one guru, one philosophical concept, one community. Though I also have a natural inclination to despise hierarchy and authority figures, as depicted in my astrology chart, my path is to follow my own resonance. I seek the blessing of my divine Goddess, and from there, I follow each of my intentional seeking moments with a synchronistic pull. Instead of following one teacher and going step by step, I simply follow my own inner feeling into what seems most spiritually elating. Hence, though with numerous teachers, I follow my own path in sorting through what's out there. In doing this work without a set guru, a set community, a set boundary spiritual system, I've realized that it's painfully lonely, emotionally debilitating, and psychologically chaotic, but I see results. I'm not recommending this route for others, where it's much safer to walk a path that already has some guiding footsteps. In fact, even my path has many much older footsteps, it's just that I'm choosing which direction without care to my sanity. I've since realized that I could have fallen off the deep end psychologically with the practice that I've done. After all, most people live their life never giving a second thought to having a "shadow side", and what could possibly be hidden in such depths. I've recognized that having devotion to a divine entity was my saving grace, who was able to cut through the dark vines to help me gain clarity when consciously lost in the dark. In following my own inner feels, in my lack of submission, I feel deeply accomplished differing from other spiritual individuals who cite to other individuals for guidance. I mean, I do that too, but only when it feels right with my own inner resonance which I make sure I churn with analysis. If a guru tells me to stay indoors during a lunar eclipse without rationale, I'm the type to say fuck that, and invoke the moon as I have done written in a prior post. Given that my practice is all about trial and error, the numerous synchronicities, the substantial changes both physical and within my psyche, as well as having the ability to tap into somethings that don't feel like my own identity but higher, all I can say is the Universe is the greatest teacher. When you allow her to be, when you're ready, she will be your greatest Teacher. Given the Universe is the illusion we see, she provides you with teaching in many ways, for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. Stay true to your inner resonance, be guided by what feels right for you. We need to love our diversity. We're not all meant to wear the same shoes, and walk the same path. Regardless of what differing path we walk, we're all in this Universe together. We're all just trying to discover the truth about ourselves, about our spirit.
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When I first came across the channeler Lazaris back in early 2015, I had no conception of what energetically clearing out my past would look like, or if that was even needed. Loving other channelers like Bashar, I decided to give Lazaris a shot and was left entering into a new realm of possibilities with my psyche. I began to understand how the past, our memories tied to their particular emotional sting, still lingers within our energetic field creating blockages that limit us from excelling in our circumstances. I crammed a lot of Lazaris to get my money's worth, and each video is about four (4) hours long with a one (1) hour meditation. Time just flew by then, and each video would bring up memories of my past, memories not given much thought for some-time. I didn't know or realize then that clearing or integrating one's past is a significant tool to improve the inner dynamics of our psyche. If Lazaris is a bit a new agey for you, then consider the science behind Neuro Linguistic Programming, or Hypnotherapy, both of which are widely used throughout our commercial media circus, though in a manipulative manner. Scientology, through Hubbards work Dianetics also discusses the need to clear the psyche, as well as Taoist practices. In addition, astrology also points to reflective periods, periods of self-analysis for clearing, during certain retrograde cycles. As we are currently coming out of and still going through a shit-storm of retrogrades, the reflective period was intense and lectures like Lazaris were unnecessary to bring up material for clearing. I notice it now with each trigger, which may then lead to what memories exist in my psyche that started and reinforced that trigger. It's like becoming a ninja of the mind, chopping away at each emotionally-triggered thought or external experience looking for the "why is such manifesting in my life". In addition, meditatively running my channels in the Qi Gong/New Age style, where I seek the assistance of Earth and Cosmic energies to help clear my chakras, is enough to bring about significant triggering memories ready to be cleared, embedded within our chakras. A few short months ago, I had significant release in my heart chakra. To further describe, in meditation, I've felt my heart burst allowing the area to fill with incredible relaxation, to the point where my back muscular tension was drastically pulled away, which significantly stretched my rib cage allowing more oxygen to fill into my chest area. I have since realized that from years of sitting and slouching, my spine has suffered to the point where my rib cage started caving inward. Even now standing straight, my left-side diaghram area tilts outward as it is slowly being adjusted to flow downward. With this release in my heart center, I then went through depressive psychotic episodes where I had to deal with my insecurities, weaknesses, etc. Though I would hit ecstatic sensations in meditation, with my spine looking more like the taoist thrusting vessel, I knew that whatever energy was being pushed into my physical vehicle was going to be met with the need to clear for the higher energy. Given that it was my heart area being most affected, focusing on all heart/breathe issues was the task at hand where I needed to dive into my heart-space and clear out the heart-ache. You can start with whatever is on the surface, but these chakra energies seem to be like an onion, where layer after layer needs to be peeled away for the proper light to shine through. So, the most obvious would be first to clear the ex-gf that I nearly spent a decade with, though there wasn't much there since I've worked on that substantially prior. Given that I'm committed to this practice, I kept diving in, and kept going through psychotic episodes as each memory, each weakness popped up. Finally, I began thinking about my high school years, listened to 90s hip hop and alternative, really put myself back into those years. Then I remembered her, my high school crush. She was two years older, close to having her driver's license when I first saw her the summer before 9th grade, so there was already an awkwardness for me to approach her. Though not knowing much about her, she was just beautiful and it brightened up my day seeing her. I was intimidated to do anything about it, and by far I wasn't the only one that thought she was attractive. What's worse is, well, she was into me too. In fact, I remember the look she gave me one morning before her graduation. It was just the two of us, staring at each other as if we were recognizing each other's pain for never having acted on what we knew to be there. Just thinking about this and being reminded of small events throughout those two years was enough for me to engage my emotional body looking for pain. For over a decade, I have never once given her a thought. It was only in diving into my own psyche, willing to face all my heart-ache, and willing to go completely insane in unraveling myself, that I not only remembered this female who captivated my psyche for over two-years, but realized that she was my biggest crush ever. That memory of her watching me in her last couple days at our school was buried deep within my heart, as it was heart-breaking to realize the emotion on her face, that she may have felt the same for me. As with all of us, we walk around with emotionally triggering memories, one's that cripple our spiritual, mental, and physical growth. These are our attachments, our karma, which tends to repeat until it's time we're ready to move on. I so much want to cling to that special memory with this one person and the associated emotion, these are the moments that make life worth living. But, I owe it to myself. I can't get lost in my delusions. I'm here to transcend. Given that she was in my pysche, I had to do the dangerous thing knowing how feeble my psyche currently was, I had to look her up via google. She's still smokin hot, and in a brilliant career. Her picture instilled the rush of emotions I had not witnessed since high school. I took that opportunity to send her a long meditative energetic hug, one that has been long overdue. I hugged her until I was ready to let her go, and I mean really let her go, where I felt like we both were healed from the situation and recognized that our Higher Selves are one. When I felt good and ready, I stepped back and asked Kali in her Mahavidya form as Tara with her scissors, to cut all remaining unnecessary attachments with this person from each of my chakras. I requested Tara to return to her what energy belongs to her, along with my blessings. This technique has helped me let go energetically, unwanted and wanted attachments from those closest around me. Letting go is difficult, for the things we don't want to let go, our ego-identity cherishes. To transcend is gain wisdom from these circumstances, and thereafter manifest higher vibrations thereof. To let go is to stop looking back and expecting our present circumstances to continue in the manner as it has always done in the past. It's to help step forward. I seek clarity to realize what this vessel was really made for, at least as much as possible. For those on the similar path, relax, and just let her go. Two monks were traveling together, an older monk and a younger monk. They noticed a young woman at the edge of a stream, afraid to cross. The older monk picked her up, carried her across the stream and put her down safely on the other side. The younger monk was astonished, but he didn't say anything until their journey was over. "Why did you carry that woman across the stream? Monks aren't supposed to touch any member of the opposite sex." said the younger monk. The older monk replied "I left her at the edge of the river, are you still carrying her?"adamlein.com/zen_stories.asp Throughout my life, from loved ones to educators to simple acquaintances, I've constantly been in conversations where the other individual is assessing God's will. Such seems to be the most prevalent when it comes to judging someone else. As an example, just recently someone expressed that God has to teach another a Karmic lesson due to certain intimate circumstances. Going through a strict protestant education, I've always felt the mental anguish of "who are you to decide God's will". It seems this sect believes they have a stronger connection to God as compared to every other creed, giving them the ability to consistently judge and look down upon those not of their creed. I didn't buy into that as a child, and I'm mean really, how is our puny human ego brain capable of understanding the infinite and beyond to the point where we can judge another's story. It's Wayne Dyers, "how people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours". (summation). These conversations seem to stem from the whole "karma" or "judgment day" ideologies, one where there appears to be a guiding hand that's not afraid to put the smack-down. Currently, I'm attempting to assess the truth of such philosophies, now believing that they are "malleable" concepts that need to be shifted for the modern world. For me, for God to be unconditional love, then God cannot condemn as described in our ideologies. As better expressed in prior posts, Karma is basically "limiting thought forms/beliefs". Judgment Day is better defined as assessing a situation. When assessing the merits, the polarity of a circumstances, we seek the truth, a "revelation" if you will, akin to our adversarial judiciary system. However, karma and judgment day are not punishment as expressed in our penal system, but modes of acquiring truth, the great "revelation". Sure, you can wait till your metaphorical "end of days" to finally assess your life, or you can do it in the present by invigorating your own logic to seek wisdom regarding one's present circumstances. Though such task is rather difficult, particularly in a world obsessed with remedy, penalty, and overall pointing the finger outward as opposed to inner exploration, to point the finger at oneself can spiral one into depressions. We judge others harshly to the point where we fear that finger of shame pointed at self. Just take a look at modern politics, with the top two opponents pointing the finger at each other whenever their own record is brought up for display. As an example, Trump's employment record regarding discrimination against veterans was recently pushed forward, where Trump's response was to blame Hillary for not supporting the troops more. Hillary has similarly done vice-versa. A distraction and "poison the well" type of argument, it nonetheless seems to work on the masses. Though we can blame our leaders, we as "just little individuals" continually do the same. Hence, our inner world is reflected in the external circumstances, in the bigger picture. It seems the ancients believed the universe to be a "relative" reflection of the individual. Hence, Tibetan Buddhists have to learn to love every aspect of the Universe, as the Universe is a mirror, a reflection, of the self. Therefore, to unconditionally love the Universe, is to unconditionally love the self. Getting there is the "purgatory" where we constantly either ignore our karmic/judgment thought system until it blows up, or we be our own "judge" and seek Truth/Wisdom from assessment of our circumstances. That seems to be the case in doing this type of "judgment" practice, where I've constantly dug within my subconscious to find more dirt that seems to be holding me back from my heaven. Often times, what I find is emotionally addictive leaving me in a depressive complex until higher consciousness/thinking pulls me from my shadow. Well, simply put, it's just much easier to point the figure then to walk through hell. To sum it up, I think our masters taught to assess "oneself" instead of pointing the finger that is more so prevalent in our society. It's the whole "let ye who is without sin cast the first stone" teaching, which is most likely the most ignored teaching. Sure, I can banter and play the role of judge, that's the way we've been raised to think. But, I'm finding that self-exploration, particularly when a trigger arises, is the real spiritual work in helping shine light into my shadow. On a larger scale, I'm finding that this practice may be better suited for the world, where we have sought to destroy in the name of divinity as opposed to strengthen one's own search. Again, we tend to point the figure outward more, as opposed to walking through one's own "valley of the shadow of death". We would much rather prove our adversary wrong, as opposed to discover our own truth.
A couple months back, my family held an intimate prayer gathering, a practice that use to be a monthly routine with very close relatives. As the family is tied up in the practices more akin to the Vaisnava dualist perspective, I still enjoy the love of certain entities to help invigorate my heart space. Nonetheless, my head is tied up in Advaita nondualist ideologies and practices, where foregoing external prayer to go into a state of awareness/nonawareness seems to be my main goal. However, I will concede that I still have a lot to work on with regards to my heart, and I absolutely love our pantheons. One of my realizations was the fact that the majority Eastern practitioners have never, and may never find the nondualist perspective, which I believe would enhance the dualist worship practice. It would be using the loved ones of our pantheons to create a better direct connection with the highest expression possible. Invoke the deity, allow him/her to direct you where to go, which should always be higher. Such theories plagued my mind as I was attempting to get into the Krishna worship, where my world has been mainly Shiva-Awareness and Shakti-Witness. The main purpose of the intimate prayer was mainly something to pass onto the children, to carry on the lineage tradition, to instill a particular idea of Dharma. Far from being an astrologer, I've read a damn few books on astrology, both Vedic and Western. I've even crafted very basic (really summaries of certain websites) natal charts. One of the interesting things that I've found from doing quick charts for newborn family members, as well as, as expressed from astrologers, is that kids today are born with a unique aspect, something to do with Uranus. Basically, these kids are esoteric, even if they have very little "spirituality" in their charts. You have to give them the deeper information, instead of dogmatic tradition. That makes sense given that all sorts of genres are given to the following generations, such as indigio, crystal, rainbow, etc. The very next day, a few of the same relatives got together to film another teacher, one more influenced by the American Indigenous traditions. His story was a stark contrast from the prior intimate gathering, where he spoke of children being more "spiritual" than we think, having come more directly from the other realm void of earthly propaganda. I'm not sure if I'm the only one that picked up on it, but that was in direct conflict with the prior event meant to instill children with a sort of "spirituality". No doubt, such ideas place all sorts of conflict within my head, for example, "if these kids are star-beings, then is it really necessary for them to worship a celestial-being?". I don't have the answers for that, and really, I think it's up to us as individuals to decide such interpretation. Nonetheless, every traditions honors the greatness of children. Even in practicing the law of attraction, where it's really your vibration, your thoughts-emotions and the way you feel that activate nature, I'm discovering the greatness of children. If you have conversations with adults, they tend to be based on "catching up", in other words, discussing the past, or talking about business or politics, in other words, discussing the future. However, one will quickly notice the energetics of the law of attraction in playing with children. These little humans tend to not just live in the Eckhart Tolle "Now", but attempt to invoke their highest expression, or basically, the highest excitement and joy. Literally, playing with kids is a constant shift of, "ok, what should we play now, what's even more fun that we can do?". We as adults don't really do that. We focus on, "ok, I need to bring in some money, so I'm stuck here for a few hours". I mean think about it, there's a reason why most kids don't have to turn to alcohol/drugs. To step it up a notch spiritually, there's a reason why the great masters recognized the greatness of children. To be in that energy field of the child version of you, one that is particularly the happiest, is one of the greatest energetic sensations that you can linger within. I can still remember and feel my four (4) year old self, where so long as my favorite stuffed animal was by my side, the world was my playground. As an adult, I'm getting my butt kicked here and there, and end up being exhausted as opposed to being an energetic child. Hence, to linger in the idea of the happiest child version of yourself, is to active the law of attraction, which will help you love with an innocence again. That form of love is necessary to open the heart chakra, especially in a world where people may be focused more on the third-eye. Moreover, from my experience in approaching all of my friends within our pantheons, my guides and ascended masters, I attempt to bring up that four (4) year old version of myself, which makes the experience so much more wholesome. To say the mantra of your divinity, your prayer, your oblations,from the perspective of a child who would rather rest with the Divine's arms as opposed to raising an entity on a pedestal or get lost in philosophy, has been a practice that has brought me so much psychologically and emotionally closer to my chosen entity. In other words, it seemed that when I removed the pedestal of oblations, but simply recognized that we're all related regardless of hierarchy and looked up to these beings as helpful relatives ready and willing with open arms as if I'm their child, I was finally accepted. and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 18:3 (NASB) Therefore, to "be like kids" may seem like a "hippie" statement that one of the greatest "love and peace"masters taught. I mean, using my imagination I can only conjure a heaven of childlike energy where Barney would rule in attempting to visualize such concepts. Nonetheless, when approaching the divinity with the adventurously loving heart of a child and exploring the universe in utter virginal awe, we have some techniques that seem to step-us-up a notion, well so it seems for me. So with that said, be like kids!
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AuthorOverly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil. "It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions Archives
August 2019
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