In Search of my TRUE SELF, I found NOTHING

Like a strange fruit, out of season ....
-Built on Ashes, ​Zeal & Ardor

One of the things that I've noticed in my spiritual development, is that those that I follow regarding spirituality typically shift or adjust based on my private practice in synchronicity, or it's time for me to move on. In other words, "as within, so without". As an example, as I began working with the Draconian Current and Umma Tiamat, I spent time looking for information on general dragon invocation only to find mostly bindings, with very little substantive information outside of the Luciferian traditions. Nonetheless, I took note that the large meditation groups I follow began working with dragons, particularly the "mother" dragon. However, because these groups are "light-workers", instead of the Mother Dragon being black and the mother of demons, she is golden and vomits healing rainbows as guided by the Arcturians, Andromedans, etc., all the beings of the "light" in opposition to Draco of course. The instructor in this meditation group, despite stating that she has anchored in her "I Am" presence, is quite fond of the images in her head, such as Archangel Michael and Mother Mary being "twin flames". Significant monkey-mind psychological conditioning abounds in these "light-worker" communities expressing significant polarity, all the while these teachers are attempting to teach nonduality. Hence, the Saiva saint Abhinavagupta was correct in his Sri Tantraloka in describing the left hand path (vama) as being hire than the right hand path (daksina), in order for the adept to achieve Siddhant. I'm not saying "don't follow these teachers", especially if there is healing to be had and if we are all lending our unique signature energies into the mix. I just wish the depth of understanding was deeper and I'm left wondering if I'm being healed, or reprogrammed by many astral beings who seek to control the adept, including beings who take on the role of Jesus and Mother Mary as described by Aleister Crowley in his astral projection writings. (Magick Book 4).  

These light-workers lost in their siddhi delusions may not cater to such information as I have presented, which is a slight summation of Patanjali's assessment in his Yoga Sutras. The adept is to ignore siddhis as they will become a distraction to your reach for enlightenment. I think the same assessment applies to "twin-flame" communities attempting to understand Ardhanareeshwara, communities which are essentially a cesspool of romantic projections and delusions of divinity with messianic life-purpose complexities. Patanjali was a NAGA (reptilian), who taught the nobility (Aryan) of turning the beast that is a human into a God through integration with Self, not this light versus dark polarity, or Disney-type romantic projections  of continually looking for something outside of yourself. If an adept calls themselves the "divine feminine" as in the receivership nadi, then I would expect the "divine masculine" counterpart as the doership nadi to reflect back the divine feminine's own psychological mess and understanding. Before transcending the need and want to have a divine counterpart, I would think the twin-flame process of ascension to be quite hellish. To get the divine counterpart, I would argue to try to transcend the divine counterpart, and also, as part of ego-death and shedding identities, stop identifying with your genitals. Be in this world, but not of it. Here, I would recommend Elizabeth Lund as she appears to be the only one I can find on youtube who helps me understand the nadi's through her own extensive personal experiences and the twin-flame concept, in addition to aiming for sovereignty and understanding one's own power.   

Since last December, anchoring in the "I Am" has been key. Once the adept has the experience of "samadhi" (no mind), or better yet, the experience of ego death (Ain Soph Aur and above the light; In the beginning was the light, but what was there before the beginning, before time-space/kala-kali) typically described as the "void", then the adept is given the task of clearing their own egoic issues stemming from numerous lifetimes as the monkey-mind (ego) fights back. This is accomplished by simply dropping the monkey-mind COMPLETELY for the darkness of the void beyond the light, which has a transmutation feel  helping the adept let go all that needs to be released. In practicing the qliphoth, I think the "void" space is akin to the central BLACK sun, where adepts who are unable to cross the abyss of Daath fall further into the egoic-psychological mess creating arrogance with a megalomaniac-messianic feel such as Hitler, or Pauline Jesus who proclaimed "No one comes to the father, except through me" (John 14:6).  As a side-note for the adept, there is a huge difference in emotional upheaval between calmly letting yourself psychology go into the void, typically by and through proctors who have "been there and done that" such as Mooji and Bentinho Massaro who transmit  deeper levels of samadhi where the adept is not tied to samsara (present to the moment versus present to the increasing psychological emptiness), and doing a central BLACK sun invocation that unleashes heavy issues within the inner beast or a deeper push into the subconscious.

​The inner beast, our own inner animal lower self can either be buried deep within our subconscious (Draconian Current, the primal Self), or it can be harnessed and mastered in working with higher self by and through ego-death practices. In other words, your own inner beast can work with you, or can arise in probably the most inopportune moments to ensure the adept learns their lessons, not necessarily just to create heaven which is an egoic-desire based on monkey-mind conditioning, but to push forth in soul evolution. For adepts who choose this path, a Nightside (subconsious) guide is required, typically an Angel who has already mastered this path of both light (Dayside) and dark (Nightside). The adept must learn to tame their beast and master holding the trident: 1. (g)enerator, (o)perator, and (d)estroyer; 2. awake, sleep, deep sleep; 3. Mother God (feminine principle; Shakti-Energy, brain hemisphere), Father God (masculine principle; Shiva-Divine Will/Consciousness, brain hemisphere), and the synthesis of such producing the Divine Child; and 4. Heaven, Earth, and UNDERWORLD.

In reaching for inner completion, instead of harnessing the trident, many light-workers, and divine feminine's and divine masculines are stuck playing archetypal roles rather than realizing their own fullness. In doing such, duality continues further into denser layers creating further separation, as men are still believed to be from Mars and women from Venus. The near-future may be "female" as many women are beginning groups that look like an attempt at something found within the "Rosary Gates of Ishtar". But the original Goddess, the holder of the original Holy Graal, brings someone with her to usher in the astrological era of freedom, and sorry light-workers, it ain't Pauline Jesus. Look at our mythologies, is enlightenment found in Heaven and Earth, or somewhere else. This should be understood by light-workers who have to conjure their "I Am" presence in their meditations, and have the audience plug in with "positive" e.t.'s, and unplug from "negative" e.t.'s., of course, more western monkey-mind conditioning. I would ask light-workers to look at the anthropological roots as to why Light/White is perceived as good and Dark/Black is bad in western countries, and vice-versa with certain African traditions. Can you imagine someone of color outside of the "Bible Belt" degrading dark or black? Who got to decide that Light/White was positive and Dark/Black is negative, we should ask brother Louis Farrakhan! Don't read too much into my comment, after-all, "All E.T. Lives Matter". 

Advaita, and wrathful Shakti mantras (Kundalini colorings) are my bread and butter. Shakti mantras have been on my tongue since the inception of this blog, as it is a practice that keeps me sane and properly breathing as the Goddess adjusts me energetically and physically. In addition, since last December I pushed forward with Advaita, neti neti (not this, not this) to clear everything out of my head and emotional body, where the observer and the observed had become significantly psychologically experienced. Bentinho pushes my buttons and gets me to dig deeper all the while throwing me in the flames of purgatory, while Mooji gently calms the adept into samadhi and helps them walk through their dilemmas from the perspective of "I Am", not a religious or societal monkey-brained conditioned perspective. 

 A few months back while sitting with a Mooji satsang, an adept asked a question regarding himself as the "seer" and the "seen", where the adept was advanced enough to separate the two, but wanted to know more of the "seer". Before the excited Mooji responded, the questioner, or rather the question in itself (Self-Inquiry), dropped me back into the ego-death experience that I had back in 2015. I was psychologically emptied-out to the point where I was separated from my body and all material forms and simply lingered in an increasing spaciousness. This feeling of "I Am" has the affect of shifting all psychological emotions (happiness, joy, love serotonin-dopamine cocktail, etc.), for the blissful (the proper definition of Ananda) state of just dropping everything. There is NOTHING to cling onto, let it all go. Even titles, such as God, or Divinity, are fruitless in this field as they become egoic traps the monkey-mind can feed on. Literally, this is an equal playing God-field of which everything is a part, including ego. In other words, it's quite stupid to call myself God, or Divine Masculine, etc., as these are all concepts within the video game, where few people actually desire to wake up from the video game.

​Now, it has become moving myself into lingering within the void as much as and as blissfully as possible, where I feel my psychology, emotional body, and tension-stress within the physical body drastically decrease at a speed where I'm forced to pace myself.  My physical body has been shifting, but more so drastically since last December, where my spine has stretched and moved to be properly placed in my body with my shoulders and hips being naturally moved back, with the rest of my body painfully adjusting requiring frequent salt baths. I'm glad I've had warnings by twin-flame teachers, though such teacher stated that men aren't doing the work and therefore, men aren't going to feel it. Such teachers fail to see the universe as a mirror, despite what they preach. Such teachers also only do "women only" healing groups, and then complain about men. Even though the healing groups I ended up in, I was the only male there showing that these teachers may be correct that men aren't doing the work, but it's another reminder for me that spirituality is a solo path if you're aiming for sovereignty. In my path, I've healed and significantly felt both my regular male ego self and an inner female where the concept of gender is more and more being blurred within me, including sexuality. However, I'm not asking to open up the "women only" groups, as I've had to recently block numerous, if not all, of my close male relatives due to an energy of what has been labelled as "toxic" masculinity. These men also consider themselves "spiritual", though without ego-death practices, spirituality is just "spiritual materialism" (See Chogyam Trungpa). I'm just glad I've found Mooji and Bentinho to help me reach Self and linger in Ananda as my monkey-mind self has perceived numerous suicide timelines since last December, both of which are lessons in letting go. I guess I know what happens to me on the denser Earth, if there is a harvest occurring as described in The Law of One (Ra Materials).  The lone wolf has to purge the emotions of loneliness, as the human is mostly a programmed pack animal. Such isn't that difficult, when one enjoys his/her own company, something I'm finding most other people are incapable of doing. Again, Sovereignty! 

As I've pushed on in anchoring this emptiness, this blissful-void (there is also a neutral void which can become depressing), I'm constantly trying to assess my experience with others who alleged to be similarly situated for better understanding. Nonetheless, I'm finding many are preaching as opposed to describing their experiences and helping adepts dig deeper without significant dualist ramblings. The direction many of the light-workers I follow has become messianic and preachy due to polarized belief systems plaguing the western mind. The eastern world has the yin and yang and it is typically philosophically understood that we are to integrate both. But the western mind is plagued by the Abrahamic traditions, much of which is simply Jewish/Semitic politics, especially when viewed without the Qabalah. Unlike most of the world who had deities that have both negative and positive aspects, it seems like it was the Temple of Solomon and the separation of demons and angels from the original daimons or 72 names of God that created this extremely polarized ideology, which has become quite fanatical by and through its Christian and Islamic offspring. Let's just say that I've worked with the counterpart of Archangel Michael (Temple of Ascending Flame/Asenath Mason) in walking through Daath, in addition to having done the Enochian calls (Jason Louv) which shreds the ego. My understanding and take on angels and demons is very different than your typical "angel reader" or "demonologist", and Archangel Michael seems to hold different coloring now that I can perceive his shadow (like a Black Knight with some orange under my monkey-mind imagery, orange most likely because of the Ninja Turtles). Nonetheless, having grown up in both Protestant and Catholic education, there has been significant programming of monkey-mind dualist concepts as "purity" and "impurity" where I'm finding the work-product of the Temple of Ascending Flame optimal in deconstruction of Christian ideologies,  groups and individuals with ideologies on par with with actual Tantra (Sorcery Texts, not Sex Manuals). Therefore, the left hand path was necessary in purging these judgmental based belief systems, showing it to be a stepping stone above the right hand path. In terms of "purity" and "impurity", well, beauty is in the "eye of the beholder", and, is there not always a "silver lining"? The saint and the sinner, the virgin and the slut, are ONE and the same, holding different expressions of the same One-Consciousness. But, monkey-mind belief system projections of "impurity" and "purity" are excruciatingly apparent with many light-worker preachers, particularly the ones who market their work-product under the banner of "Team Jesus". For those still stuck on the "light", I suggest reading our global mythologies to see who actually wins in the end, not the original Corporation herding human capital that is the Catholic Church and its derivatives. Church and Religion have never been separate. If you actually believe the U.S. is secular, then explain why Obama potentially being Muslim is an issue and the unintelligible support of Israel, a name and land that ancestrally does not belong to the Semitic groups, but was conquered by them. This is what happens when psychologically-conditioned sheep vote. Lastly, Heaven is also a shadow of the original consciousness flowing down the tree of life, another delusion for the monkey-mind to attach onto, where Heaven and Hell have always been political tools. 

In terms of Self-Realization, the light-worker communities are moving too slow for my taste, where I'm finding incessant projections as empathic-ally draining, from people who have allegedly done the shadow work. There are those that are working up there own pace, dealing with their own issues and projections by and through global situations. For such, I would recommend my mentor Dr. Lauren Cielo who conducts free weekly meditations, and whose techniques help work with spirit guides and help the adept LET GO. The beauty of Dr. Cielo's meditations, if there is an issue being projected out into the world that creates triggers, he brings it home with healing something within ourselves and the collective energy field, very little external blaming. Nonetheless, despite how many people are talking about Brahman, Kether, Zero-Point Consciousness, very few people are actually ready for Self-Realization, to remove all of their delusions (attachments to samsara), including religious-heavenly delusions. Historically, Self-Realized masters have not set out to save the world as they've come to the realization of the perfection AS IS as it is God's divine play (lila​), or the fact that the adept is simply jumping parallel timelines when they amp-up their vibrations. Though Samsara may be beautiful, she will always remind you that the world of forms and your attachments thereof are doomed to fail, as it is "untruth". 

One last recommendation, an adept on par with Mooji and Bentinho Massaro (I have found other nontraditional Advaita youtube teachers to be lacking in significant depth, understanding, and mostly darsan; such teachers may be present to the moment, not the emptiness of the void; in addition, such teachers fail to understand/experience that Advaita-Oneness is not the highest as Shiva taught in the tantras), is an adept who I feel would be the step above the left hand path, or Saiva Siddhant. Like most of my favorite teachers, she doesn't need to talk, her mere presence and also her transmissions are more than enough to drive my clairsentience wild. She would be a recent find of mine, the incredible Jivanmukti of Siddhanta Yoga.  Jivanmukti has no need for archetypes, religious structures, belief systems, etc. As the adept reaches the void, images of deities, angels, ascended masters are no different than images of festering fecal matter, as they are both images dancing on the smokescreen of consciousness where the monkey-brain places definitions and meanings as such.