This form of spiritual practice is not for the faint of heart. Most forms of spiritual practices are dualistic, with the belief that divinity is separate from the individual. Hence, most individuals in this category are seeking for the divine externally, a worthy practice in itself where there are numerous guides and ascended masters ready to lend a hand. I know my own practice has greatly benefited, and probably would not have gotten off ground without constantly seeking the blessings of entities I believe to be more advanced than I. However, the nondualistic practices for which I have been led to traverse, is to realize that the divinity is sourced from within. That the external illusory-reality is simply a gross manifestation of what is occurring within us, subject to the numerous lenses of beliefs and thoughts (karma) that make up are being. That is the essence of "the secret" under the law of attraction, that through our connection to the divinity, we manifest as the divinity. Nonetheless, as Abraham Hicks has stated, "the secret" failed because it did not mention the actual secret, which is that we are source energy. The nondualistic practice, to recognize the strength of the "I Am" presence where "cosmic consciousness" (higher self) meets the "anu" or individuated point of interest (the individual), is to realize that we are responsible for our own lives and all of its circumstances. That means, no more blaming a Devil, or even God, for all of life's numerous circumstances we ignorantly believe to be follies. We are each responsible for all of our own circumstances, which when looked at from an expansive conscious, is really meant to bring us into fruition. The struggles are merely tilling of the soil, or the sprout attempting to reach above the ground into light, where all of life and the universe it be on our side. Though from the typical form of consciousness, the struggles, the ability to sprout, the ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel, can be a tedious task, especially if your attempting to reach for the unlimited sky. Though the numerous masters are there to assist us, where there vibrations can be felt in prayer, elevated literature, chanting of mantras, or good ole darsan, we are responsible for our own heroes journey. As the law of attraction entails, your thoughts, beliefs, and mostly the way you feel (vibes), are what get you to where you want to go. Using the power of ones imagination/mediation, one can conjure the ideal life and circumstances, feel as if such has already been accomplished, then attempt to move throughout the daily tasks with the feeling obtained through such imagination/meditation. Nonetheless, as we're still subject to one of the illusions greatest constructs, time (the other being space), the material universe needs some time to adapt to the new vibrations. Especially if you're nuts and are aiming for "cosmic consciousness", life becomes like a see-saw effect where everyday circumstances remind you of the prior beliefs and thoughts one use to hold. Even on a lower ideal, such as attracting the happiest yet most abundant job possible (even if you don't know what that is, feel into it), the perfect compliment to partner with in life, and overall, to fall in orgasmic blissful love with each moment of one's life (to really be in the Now), can force you to deal with yourself, the shadow limitations residing deep in one's psyche. In attempting to bring my own life into proper fruition via law of attraction, provided that I've hit numerous walls utilizing the way society has instilled how to obtain happiness, I've spent much time assessing my own thoughts and beliefs with the help of numerous teachers. If law of attraction is a new technique for you, well, spend time studying and working with it. If anything, it is the basis for most self-help literature that attempts to assist an individual in taking the next step forward in his/her life journey. However, the process renders transparency to the way one things, and has led oneself through out life. Your weakness are placed on the table for you to see, your sense of worth and value. Everywhere that you have blamed another for your circumstances can be found rooted within one's own psyche, for some limiting belief that has kept you stagnant at a certain threshold. In amping up one's vibes, the universe will respond, either through manifestation, or signs showing you to keep working on it. The "angel numbers" as so described in the new age movement through repetitive numbers, is one form of manifestation to keep the individual working on the path. Animals sightings are another form of manifestation, should an individual accept such symbolism within his/her life. Should the life not manifest right away, or within a short-duration, especially if your goals are rather high, one is left dealing with doubt, insecurities, any former limiting belief that inhibits the desired lifestyle. Though numerous signs and synchronicities may appear, one can be left feeling daunted, exhausted, and depressed where life isn't changing, and one is left questioning such signs and synchronicities. I know I've thrown down the gauntlet and have often re-questioned the ascended masters I choose to work with as well as the universe in Her divine feminine form. However, such is merely the limiting beliefs arising, which simply are asking "are you sure you want that lifestyle", and "don't you want to go back to the way things were"?. It's an attempt of the ego-identity to return to the safer, older version of oneself. Not that the ego is bad or evil, it's just want's to be safe, and to not be let down that would further spiral downward into sadness. However, no matter the amount of depression, such should be a good sign. Though the sword penetrating into one's psyche, in order to elevate and open the heart is required more than ever at these times, it seems like the battle is finally getting off the ground in order to assess and integrate what lurks within our shadows. Again, such battle is not meant to be fought alone, where I still use ascended masters, teachers, guides, energy healers, and gemstones to assist on the battlegrounds, it becomes time to truly test one's resolve. Though it can be extremely depressive to undo the limiting beliefs created by the ego-identity in order to minimize the hurt in life that limits our ability to expand into greater avenues, it's important to have the end-goal in mind, and more so, in vibration. Remember, the universe is on our side. Remember, it's the darkest before the dawn.
0 Comments
I've been into paranormal and oddball spirituality all my life. Part of that includes conspiracy theories, where such theories point to the gaps in what much of society and religion deems to be true. So, I already have a bias towards such theories. However, as an attorney, finding gaps in the evidence to support mainstream thought only strengthens my passion in exploring alternative theories. To begin with, I don't dive into such theories the same way others seem to grapple with such ideologies. Think Alex Jones, who've I've paid slight attention too on and off for almost two decades. He's exposed much of what the government may be doing behind closed doors, government secret occult meetings, and certain wealthy/powerful families, which I am being led to believe control the major democratic party candidate. Though, Alex Jones comes from a "right-wing conservative-christian perspective", where he throws his support on the major opposing candidate believing that he may be an "outsider". My main critique of this theory propagator is that he fails to look at the gaps in one of the biggest theories on our planet blinding him in the political arena. He fails to look at the gaps in his own religion, which creates a bias on all of his theories. Hence, much found within the conspiracy theory arena fall into this category, including the flat-earth theorists. But hey, thoughts/beliefs create reality, and so if a flat-earth is something you need to have dire faith in like the Church in the dark ages, then you'll place yourself in a parallel universe where that is an expressed truth, since that's how the law of attraction works. Just don't Giordano Bruno the rest of us that like to a more expansive nondualist approach to the universe. My exposure to conspiracy theories has been to discover and redefine my spirituality. To really discover who I am, my roots on the Earth, and overall, my roots within the Universe. In addition, to remember what I am really capable of, if there is something more than our animalistic human story. In studying spirituality, metaphysics, the occult, I'm led through authors who hail from different hidden organizations, where such organizations are often labelled by the above-mentioned group as "satanists", "illuminati", etc., where I receive a completely different interpretation in studying such material, something I'm assuming the above-mentioned crowd has not done. Hence, certain biases arise in interpreting these theories. Though it's been much easier for me to grasp such information coming from an eastern background where material like the Gnostic teachings resonate very well, but if you grew up in certain sects of Christianity where duality is the only experience, let's just say it's very difficult to comprehend as evidenced by the numerous pastors I've heard attempting to articulate and negate Gnostic teachings. In other words, studying/researching conspiracy theories should not be done from a fear-based perspective, which is how I feel most people approach such information. When lingering in fear, well that creates a vibrational ripple throughout the emotional body triggering the law of attraction, which would lead towards a downhill spiral under the fear-love based emotional body. In fact, I'm finding most individuals are now looking at such theories to point fingers, where I remember a decade ago, it was rare for someone to even know the word "illuminati" outside of the "killuminati" Tupac theories. As someone that has looked at this information for much of his life, for almost three decades, conspiracy theories are layers upon layers that need to be peeled to discover the truth (if that's even discernible), where most individuals are parroting very limited information, and are viewing and articulating what they find with dark lenses of prior limiting belief systems. Hence, though I still keep an eye-out for Alex Jones type material, I guess I'm more in the David Icke category, who seems to blend new age thought with his theories. If you didn't know, those two seem to be the biggest parrots for conspiracy theories, but come from opposite ends in the conspiracy theory spectrum. In first discovering David Icke, I thought he was nuts. Now, well, his theories seems to be more and more on point from what I've been discovering. Again, many many layers have to be addressed for this material to even seem plausible. David Icke is the individual whose written the "bible" of conspiracy theories, where his theories seem to be the most extravagant. Overall, my approach to conspiracy theories has been a "healthy" one I suppose, where the material excites me as opposed to placing me in a downward spiral of fear. Such ideologies place me in the position to unplug and not be tied to the societal delusion, to not be tied to the political theatrical circus (well at least without a comfortable chair and some popcorn), but to recognize that my Spirit is the only thing I should be pushing for. It seems those on the higher ups and within certain organizations knew something with regards to spirituality, where the religious counterparts provide us with a dumbed down dribble. I seek to recognize the strength of my own inner-being, a liberation from the delusion away from my animalistic human story that is engaged with the circus. For those of you researching such theories, I plead with you to not get tied up into fear. Moreover, I've found that once you come across a theory that makes sense, you will find more information that challenges such theories into deeper and deeper avenues, like peeling an unlimited onion. Unless it is bringing you closer to understanding who you really are, I would recommend not paying much heed to such information as it would be irrelevant to your own growth. From looking around at the political circus, where it appears one candidate is begging the U.S. audience to vote for the opposition, which appears to be the only way to get the opposition elected due to this candidate's inconsistent background but consistent support for a particular wealthy family, I feel we're awakening to how much we've really been duped. Such theories depict politics like a game of rigged chess mainly to make the pawns feel like they have a choice. As it appears more and more people are becoming aware to such fraudulent undertakings creating a shift to a societal breakdown, we need to become aware of our own inner strength to proceed. While society around us may be crashing down, it's only because it's time to recognize our own truth, and not the "truth" we've been told. Such truth revolves around not in looking to our external circumstances and external society for our solutions, but to look to the strength of our own inner-being. Let conspiracy theories unfold the delusion that we've been set-up to believe where only a few have gotted a glimpse of the truth behind the mystery (Pisces) in the past, but let your Spirit shine through to manifest our freedom (Aquarius).
In my search of becoming closer to the divine through a tradition that is associated with Hinduism, I'm left re-discovering, or should I say uncovering, much ideology to be a mere attempt to synthesize differing teachings. My love for the divine in her tantrik forms, have left me questioning numerous Brahmanic practices. There's still much left to be uncovered, and I'm finding that religious biases are what is pushing historical inaccuracies. From Indus Valley having no religious icons, sans a one-inch stamp depicting a male seated with horns, along with numerous horned animals in conjunction with pregnant feminine icons, we are provided with a stretch of the imagination pushing that figure to be Shiva. Moreover, in the Vedic tradition, it is still unclear how Vishnu overtook the pantheon, when Varuna was the ultimate, followed by Indra who is to be extensively more powerful than Vishnu. Nonetheless, the following puranic era established Vishnu as the head of the pantheon, but the stories do not seem to add up. In a prior post, I addressed how the figure Buddha Shakyamuni is more in-line with Shiva or tantra as opposed to Brahmanic dualist form-worship that is akin to Vishnu traditions. Hence, it appears to me that to state that Buddha Shakyamuni was an incarnation of Vishnu was done solely to cease conversions, especially in a tradition with a caste system that prohibits individuals from experiencing the divine, something tantra and Buddha Shakyamuni opposed. It is important to note that new agers, particularly those with a theosophical interest of Mdm. Blavatsky, believe that Krishna and Jesus were incarnations of, not Vishnu, but Lord Maitreya. In terms of Krishna, that belief is starting to make more and more sense to me. In studying the history of the development of Hinduism, Hinduism is first and foremost not a religion, but a collective of differing cults, which was sought to be synthesized under the larger banner of Hinduism. This is not Protestant versus Catholic where the Christ figure is worshiped nonetheless, but it is Duality/Dvaita Vedanta/Right Hand Path versus Nonduality/Advaita Vedanta/Left Hand Path. For it seems that since the time of Brahmanic establishment, the lower parishioners have consistently rebelled under the patriarchal ruling, which led to the Upanishads, which led to the Puranas, which led to Tantra, which led to Bhakti (devotion). Though I can feel the beauty that has been established from such revolts and synthesis, the truth of these beings seem to have been manipulated. Krishna is said to be the full embodiment of the energy of Vishnu, fully realized as one can say, unlike his prior incarnations including Rama who was constantly questioning Sita's fidelity. Like the Rama/Sita story where Ram is Vishnu and Sita is Lakshmi, a match made in heaven, Krishna's counterpart is to be Radha to carry on the tradition. But, Krishna doesn't marry Radha, he marries Rukmini and many other women. Again, of course the bhakti movement, with heavily influences of the Brahmanic Vaishnava lineage states he only married Rukmini, and Rukmini and Radha were the same person. Most Hindus will typically go on to believe such views, until they take a third-party scholarly approach in viewing the ancient texts. In order to combat/synthesize the tantric traditions, it is important for Krishna to have his feminine counterpart, or his Shakti, which is typically agreed upon to be Radha. David Kinsley, in his book Hindu Goddesses, discovered from his research that the figure Radha was not developed until the 12th century. Hence, Radha is a fairly new character to develop, where the Mahabharata text extolling the virtues of Krishna most likely developed in the 4th century. Hence, a significant time has tolled between the establishment of the Mahabharata and the finding of Radha. From Kinsley's numerous research, one text would depict Radha as married to another individual while she would spend the nights with Krishna. Another shows Krishna infuriating Radha by being with other women/gopis. Such texts include the Padma-, Brahma-vaivarata-, Devi-Bhagavata Purana, and the Venisamhara. Numerous other texts are listed, where Radha has solely one theme, her devotion to Krishna. That is her sole importance, unlike Sita who is associated with the Earth and with a King to bring abundance and prosperity (Lakshmi), Radha is known only for her devotional fanaticism to Krishna. Kinsley argues that such was done particularly under the Bhakti movement, to teach devotees to give up all, including one's spouse, for the divine. In fact, much of the bhakti movement would make all of the gopis illicit lovers of Krishna, where Krishna would walk away from one (probably Radha) when she would start feeling "special" compared to the other gopis.
That's where my issue in search for the truth comes in to play. At least Sita was associated with the Earth, as well as bringing abundance and prosperity as queen, all elements associated with Lakshmi. Moreover, if Lakshmi is associated with "Sri" in the Vedas, as in Sri Lakshmi, then she would be associated with numerous other gods and high ranking demons, where she would then finally associate with Vishnu when he ends up being on the top of the hierarchy during the churning of the ocean, another argument Kinsley makes. Hence, the reason why Rama would constantly question her fidelity. Make sense? But Radha, I don't see any Lakshmi aspects to her, though there are very short stories of her astrological aspects explaining her uniqueness, and even a curse where she was to endure separation from Krishna. However, to omit her from Krishna's story will not have much damage, if any, unlike Sita in the Ramayana. In other words, she seems to be a figure developed out of the bhakti movement, and further synthesized with Krishna using tantrik ideology, where she is then fully developed in the Gitagovinda, and elevated much later in the 15th/16th century under the Rdhavallabhins and Sakhibhavas groups that place her at the center of the cosmos, a very tantrik non-Brahmanic ideology. For someone who grew up chanting Radhe-Krishna, and looking to them as the "divine couple", the uncovered information is heartbreaking. It's like meeting your favorite idol/celebrity to only realize he/she is not what you thought. I'm still trying to figure out who this Vishnu character is, and overall the origin of the Aryan Brahmanic tradition, which much of Hinduism appears to be a rebellion against (Tantra/Bhakti/Etc.). There's so much convulsion for this conquering group, it appears that their tactic has been "if you can't beat them, join them", in order to survive throughout the ages. In my search for the truth, there appears to be a lot of undoing that needs to be done. One thing is for sure. Those within the tradition fail to answer these questions, only alluding to "one must have devotion to understand", etc., or having a "misunderstanding of the Puranas", as evidenced by the numerous websites, with of course, a Brahmanic leaning. Of course, none of these answer these questions, including how Vishnu, the little unknown barely mentioned character in the Vedas, usurped Indra's position (same with Varuna). In fact, they are simply a scapegoat to continue dogmatic following, something the next generations will completely dissolve. We live in the age of information now. We have access to these texts with a few clicks away, and all of us have the ability to become more educated than ever, something completely new to the planet, something completely new to the Brahmanic caste system. In fact, the elders in my family would tell me that they didn't have access to these books, that the only way they could learn was to look over the priests shoulders to get a glimpse at these books. Going through these books myself, it feels like a whole new religion is unfolding picking away at everything I grew up to believe. The priestly class has perpetuated these dogmatic teachings, and I guess that's why I love the Shiva-Shakti aspect of Hinduism, as it is a slap in the face to Patriarchal Brahmanic culture. No doubt, my loved Shiva was the first to commit the greatest sin in Hinduism, Brahminicide. Do note, that I do not mean to further separate, especially when I have found so much beauty in Vishnu/Krishna and Radha, but even Jesus himself had to toss a few tables with the priestly class in his day.
I'm only searching for the truth. I remember years back, my former girlfriend and I spent a "double-date" with one of her close colleagues. Out of the blue, the other girl in the automobile asked myself and her male date whether we "liked penis". Her date vehemently regurgitated "hell nah!", while I responded with the witty, "I like mine". Though my response was meant to be humorous as well as a jab at the other male's machismo response, taking a look into the emotions behind both of our responses expresses so much more than what was orally expressed on the surface. Firstly, I never had an issue with homosexuals. It's not part of my religion to oppose them, nor did societal beliefs penetrate me as much as they have with many other individuals. Though I must concede, particularly in the 90s, it was not cool to be gay. In fact, if anything was considered "out-of-line", guys would typically interpret that particular situation as "gay". Hence, much of our verbiage and the way men would insult each other was to label each other as gay. Something I'm pleased that the next generation has not taken on, at least I think. To understand whether I have gay sentiments is to dive into my own psychology, despite what society or religion wants. If I conjure the image of a male, particularly one deemed attractive by society, does it trigger me in any way? The response is generally no, where though I may admire a certain male physique as a fitness goal to aim for, I don't have the inclination to physically enjoy the male physique in another expression. Going through my historical memories, I never once had a male trigger me the way females have, with the flush of nervousness, sensational heart beat racing, and the ability to pull me into the moment to completely admire a beautiful female figure. Hence, there are no inclinations to a separate male form that entices my physical vehicle. Nonetheless, if there is, well, we should be free to choose to honor that expression. One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them. -Aldous Huxley Going back to the response of "hell nah!", we can derive so much emotional backing behind barking such response. It wasn't just a simple "no", it was a passionate response as if there is no way he "likes penis". From my perspective, I don't really care whether someone likes penis or not, unless if it is someone I would like to be intimate with. In other words, being gay, or having homosexual inclinations, is not a big deal to me. Nonetheless, the fellow male colleague was most likely speaking from a societal perspective derived from an anti-homosexual stance, as well as a religious background from being raised Catholic. However, though not necessarily this individual since I'm unaware of his psyche, many individuals may simply be and act a certain way because it fits within the societal/cultural/religious norms. Moreover, society/culture/religion has seemed to have vehemently opposed homosexuality, which places targets on such individuals. The whole, thou shalt do this, thou shalt not do that, is completely manipulative, where circumstances should be assessed by a decision tree or karma instead. "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." — Albert Einstein In conclusion, I simply ask are we being true to ourselves, are we being transparent to our own emotions and the way we feel, or are we programmed by the societal/cultural/religious virus that has plagued our conscious/subconscious/collective conscious. Most of us in the western world go about the hustle and bustle of our daily tasks, where achievement and prosperity are the ultimate goals, but rarely do we traverse our own psyche to discover what lies within. Well, at least that was something that has never been taught to me in my 24+ years of western education.
Only meditation has let me discover what is truly resonate with myself. And really, fuck society, culture, religion, particularly where it is stagnant leaving no room for evolution. It's time to rediscover ourselves, what lies within, it's time to rediscover Spirit.
In Robert Greene's Mastery, he lists numerous individuals who seemed to develop a passion as a child. The famed Leonardo Da Vinci was one such individual, where due to being born out of wedlock, he was forbidden from attending the University that would have led to a noble profession. Left to himself, he would traverse the woods where he began his drawings. From an early age, his perception of organic material led him to the question of what makes things grown and transform where he developed the desire to figure things out and do things for his own self. In apprenticing with an artist, Da Vinci would continue to do things his way, through his own passions. His personal drive and nonconformity led his teacher to somewhat despise him, the same sentiment probably shared by the local community who all were looking for the same patterns in their artwork. But, Da Vinci had a drive to do more, and to do things his way, to express regardless if anyone took note. Hence, moving to Milan, he setup shop and continued to do his work the way he wanted. As an example, Da Vinci would attempt the first paintings of Angels with realistic wings. He would study aviary, the geometry and mechanics of flight, to push his artwork further. To do so without fame or profit, Da Vinci was moved solely by his own personal desire, his own passion, what Robert Greene described as his "inclination". From Da Vinci's path, as well as many others described in Mastery, seems to support the "follow your bliss" sentiment. Being in the Vortex as Abraham Hicks would say, you simply take a step forward in the direction that seems to have the most "inclination", the most love, the most joy, the most bliss, and keep proceeding from there. This process is substantially different from what typical conformed society has consistently propagated, where from an early age, children are placed in a boxed room and force fed information society expects them to learn to keep the wheel of society turning. Looking back at my own schooling, how little time was actually provided to absorb and process before the next batch of factual information would be forced unto us, and I mean forced given that it was expected to be memorized and understood in someone else's allotted time-frame. How much of the curriculum does the child get to dictate based on his or her own "inclination". Further, I have often felt that every parent/teacher should know their child's natal astrology to discover their interests, and psychological way of comprehension, to help push them in the direction they would desire. Nonetheless, our society seems to be driven on practicality, we need to financially support ourselves, and even a worse belief, we need to find emotional support outside of ourselves. Hence, though one may have an "inclination", they may seek another route that would lead to more finances, or more fame or social status that would bring in love, respect, honor, etc. We're taught to seek these things from outside of ourselves, as opposed to following our own inner resonance and inclinations. Through the law of attraction teachings, the idea is to stay in the resonance of your bliss, your "inclinations", which will lead you to what you need in the moment. Such philosophy is contrary to societal beliefs, where extensive childhood and adult education is required to prepare for a "future", as opposed to living in the Now, or accepting presence-energy, and acting out of inclinations. It pulls us out of truly living in the moment, where intuitive impulses will assist in directing. Like spending an hour just listening to music, we often shuffle through our music looking for songs that best suit the current mood or uplifts it. Same with our lives, it seems like individual like Da Vinci, Mozart, Darwin, Marie Curie, Albert Einstein (named in Mastery), and other individuals like Nikolai Tesla and Carl Jung, all followed an inner drive that was discovered within them from an early age, where they simply fed it to expand those interests. Though the law of attraction sounds a bit new agey, in fact, it appears to be the preeminent teaching to enter into the Age of Aquarius, or "freedom" from the mystical mysterious Age of Pisces, there appears to be numerous elevated individuals who have this common unity. However, this material is not taught in formal education systems, and many of us are still clinging onto paths that were given to us by others (parents, education, sociology, politics, etc.), going against the grain and following your hearts' desire seems to be the key to enter the realm of genius, not necessarily a proper education. So get into a feeling of bliss, take steps that will further that bliss, and perpetually drink of the Universe till your heart is content. If you have a passion for something, feed it impulsively like there's no one watching/judging.
I started the practice of identifying with "awareness", or Self-Realization back around January 2014. Before that, I realize now, my reactions and decisions to life were based solely around ego-identity. These decisions are based on external belief systems as opposed to following a resonance, or intuitive impulse. By engaging in "awareness'' you tap out of the ego-identity to get a short-break from the maya story-line that is your life. In that break, you tap into the infinite, source. From here, we're capable of directing source energy to find our correct resonance for law of attraction manifestation. Basically, as holding the gifts of the original creator (shiva-awareness-self realization), you have the power to manifest your life (shakti-witness-nature/prakriti realization). My life completely shifted around the early years of 2014, with the end of a 7+ year relationship that identified with my ego-identity in my pursuit of what I believed I was supposed to be doing under societies limiting definitions. It was to find the good wife, the good job that will hopefully make the rat race quicker and further inflate my ego, raise some kids, hopefully have some fun on the way, then die. In using my imagination to find what would bring me happiness, boy was my ego fooling myself. I need to be unrestrained and free to create as I see fit, something I'm still trying to figure out in this corporate/capitalist structure, but passionate about finding. My conscious thinking has completely changed since beginning these practices. It's like I'm my own psychoanalyst now, dissecting and clearing thought-patterns. As an example, in using my imagination to find the perfect partner, I emotionally engaged in numerous settings with different types of women from all walks of life. What type of personality would I enjoy the most? What type of sensual expressions would I enjoy the most? What type of intellect would I enjoy the most? What type of adventures would I enjoy the most? What type of physical features would I enjoy the most? Basically, what I was consciously attempting to craft was, what I think would be my perfect woman, a desire to end all other desires. My original goal was to completely eliminate this desire, to transcend, to recognize that all is sourced from within. But, this inclination won't go away leaving me heart-sick, especially during astrological retrograde seasons. SoIn using my imagination to conjure who she would be, I found numerous psychological obstacles. First came fear with the belief arising that she may not exist, or would rather choose someone else. That then led to depression. From the depths of depression, that's when I had to disengage into "awareness" and attempt to move out and into psychoanalyst mode. In the darker thought-emotions, I began to remember the law of attraction. Under these teachings, if I can imagine her, I can manifest her. So I pulled myself back into psychically attempting to feel what it would be like to be with such a female and succeeded. Then came a significant drop in my sense of self-worth. My ideal feminine, what if I'm unworthy of her? This was more difficult, back into harsher depression, then again remembering law of attraction, and then engaging the inner psychoanalyst to challenge self-worth beliefs. I needed to move energetically-emotionally into the position of being perfect and the highest ideal for her also. Though it took some effort, I managed to fully engage in the emotion of what it feels like to be with my perfect co-creator and blissfully relax into that emotion. So she has unfolded within. She is my soul/spirit/breathe-mate bridged in matter.
My last teacher and liberator made manifest in duality. My last drop of nectar before liberation. My key to enter home. My Vajrayogini. Back in early 2014, when I felt that life was basically a "wall" for me, I met with a Vedic Astrologer in an attempt to get a glimpse of anything beyond that "wall". As I'm sure for all us, there is always something beyond the wall, but knowing it provides some hope when you feel like throwing in the towel. One question that I had asked was rather intense, and I didn't know that it would lead me in a particular route. I had asked what was the purpose of all my spiritual practices? I've had a passion for the esoteric mysteries since boyhood, but started to feel like it was an entertainment-hobby. In other words, what are the fruits of this labor? I didn't really believe in the "do this and that" and you'll get to heaven dribble, provided that, for me, that sounds like an outright attempt to control/dominate someone. The astrologer had simply responded to my spiritual question with simply more information about myself, my intuitive abilities, etc. I was left thinking to myself that he didn't answer my question. However, I realize I wasn't ready for the answer, which was really a deep philosophical question that was to unfold for me as opposed to be outright told. Sans any external permission-slip, when I'm ready, the answers will unfold. To really get the grasp of my current understanding, I needed to psychologically depose myself and my beliefs/thoughts connected with my emotional body. Though they're teachers that express this process as unnecessary, it is nonetheless what I painfully went/going through. To really separate myself, my awareness from the story-identity-ego, is really being your own psychoanalyst trying to figure out why I believe in my short-comings. Going though this is to dive into your shadow side and face your demons. Where it seems that every other pre-2014 teaching I had come across and practiced was geared towards an outward divinity, usually one with it's own ego-identity story, to help with my life, I began moving more into going within. Inside I found emotional memories (blockages/binds/attachments) that seemed to manifest my personal limitations. I can no longer find where I discovered this interpretation, however, I like seeing religion defined as re-legion, where the many become one. Through the sanskrit word yoga, we have the word yoke, meaning to bind. Spirituality seems to be best defined as dealing with spirit. So, within the symbolism of our metaphysics, we're given a glimpse of the answer that I was seeking. Through these symbols we find the aim of religion and yoga is to make an individual whole and complete, which I believe is the merge between spirit and matter originally found within the symbol of the equilateral cross. This is the merge between the Higher Self (spirit) and Ego-Identity-Story (matter/maya/samsara). To bridge the gap between spirit and matter is my aim whenever I take part in religious, yogic, spiritual practices. It is powerful to simply be in the "intent" of making that one's goal, as I do believe the universe hears through the law of attraction. The heavens of the astral plane, or celestial-abode, that form-worshipers seek to attain is still within the illusion, maya, as described by yogis. Though such abodes are excellent heights to aim for, and I'm not here to deter anyone as I would love to make such pit-stops myself, but I seek the truth of myself/Self. Moreover, I prefer the idea of the many attempting deep inner practices (yoga) and coming together to discuss our findings (religion) to better understand the nature of Spirit (spirituality). Now, I really can't identify myself, my identity-story, with the person that I was pre-2014. Any memory of those times that come up, seem to come up to be cleared. I'll use NLP, or just imagine my present self sending love to that self in that memory, if need be. That seems easier then dissecting and judging (seeking the truth, not punishing) that former aspect of myself. Overall, the emotion just needs to be cleared.
As I see it as I continue on my hero's journey, my goal is to continue to further myself to my Self. To unfold and unravel that which has limited me from reaching my true potential and accept the truth of myself. To bridge the gap of understanding and experiencing unlimited possibilities. To gain knowledge and experience wisdom. To come closer to the inner love and light within. Enlightenment. Reaching this full expression of Spirit, I hope to be liberated from all my limitations. I think that's a way we can bridge the gap between: spirit-matter; brahman-brahma (kether-malkuth); atman-atom; and A'tem (Egypts first realized man)-Adam (Hebrews first man). It's our birthright, to face crucifixion on the equilateral cross. |
AuthorOverly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil. "It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions Archives
August 2019
Categories
All
|