I remember years back, my former girlfriend and I spent a "double-date" with one of her close colleagues. Out of the blue, the other girl in the automobile asked myself and her male date whether we "liked penis". Her date vehemently regurgitated "hell nah!", while I responded with the witty, "I like mine". Though my response was meant to be humorous as well as a jab at the other male's machismo response, taking a look into the emotions behind both of our responses expresses so much more than what was orally expressed on the surface.
Firstly, I never had an issue with homosexuals. It's not part of my religion to oppose them, nor did societal beliefs penetrate me as much as they have with many other individuals. Though I must concede, particularly in the 90s, it was not cool to be gay. In fact, if anything was considered "out-of-line", guys would typically interpret that particular situation as "gay". Hence, much of our verbiage and the way men would insult each other was to label each other as gay. Something I'm pleased that the next generation has not taken on, at least I think.
To understand whether I have gay sentiments is to dive into my own psychology, despite what society or religion wants. If I conjure the image of a male, particularly one deemed attractive by society, does it trigger me in any way? The response is generally no, where though I may admire a certain male physique as a fitness goal to aim for, I don't have the inclination to physically enjoy the male physique in another expression. Going through my historical memories, I never once had a male trigger me the way females have, with the flush of nervousness, sensational heart beat racing, and the ability to pull me into the moment to completely admire a beautiful female figure. Hence, there are no inclinations to a separate male form that entices my physical vehicle. Nonetheless, if there is, well, we should be free to choose to honor that expression.
One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them. -Aldous Huxley
Going back to the response of "hell nah!", we can derive so much emotional backing behind barking such response. It wasn't just a simple "no", it was a passionate response as if there is no way he "likes penis". From my perspective, I don't really care whether someone likes penis or not, unless if it is someone I would like to be intimate with. In other words, being gay, or having homosexual inclinations, is not a big deal to me. Nonetheless, the fellow male colleague was most likely speaking from a societal perspective derived from an anti-homosexual stance, as well as a religious background from being raised Catholic. However, though not necessarily this individual since I'm unaware of his psyche, many individuals may simply be and act a certain way because it fits within the societal/cultural/religious norms. Moreover, society/culture/religion has seemed to have vehemently opposed homosexuality, which places targets on such individuals. The whole, thou shalt do this, thou shalt not do that, is completely manipulative, where circumstances should be assessed by a decision tree or karma instead.
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." — Albert Einstein
In conclusion, I simply ask are we being true to ourselves, are we being transparent to our own emotions and the way we feel, or are we programmed by the societal/cultural/religious virus that has plagued our conscious/subconscious/collective conscious. Most of us in the western world go about the hustle and bustle of our daily tasks, where achievement and prosperity are the ultimate goals, but rarely do we traverse our own psyche to discover what lies within. Well, at least that was something that has never been taught to me in my 24+ years of western education.
Only meditation has let me discover what is truly resonate with myself. And really, fuck society, culture, religion, particularly where it is stagnant leaving no room for evolution. It's time to rediscover ourselves, what lies within, it's time to rediscover Spirit.
Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions