Enlightenment (Buddha) When I meditate, I try to invoke the divine apsect of my choice. Practicing Advaita Vedanta, that choice has been "Shiva", or "Awareness". The "awareness" that arises being in a place of stillness, of no thought, is my attempt to become Lord Shiva, the master of consciousness. Lingering in this state of mind, with Mt. Kailash (stillness) under me, my emotions-thoughts (moon) under control, resting in the purity flowing through me (Ganga), fully in awareness of the three states of consciousness (Trishul: Awake, Sleep, Deep Sleep), is my third-eye open (Shiva), and my chaotic heart (Kali/Dark Nature) content (Parvati/Light Nature). That is when I am awake, aroused, and in love (Shiva-Lingam/Shakti-Yoni). My ego is left as a corpse (shava), as I engage my Higher Self (Shiva/Awareness). Conduct (Dharma) Tapping into my inner divinity, I'm left slightly on the arrogant tip. I'm awake, aroused, and ready to conquer my hearts desire. That is to walk like a God/Goddess among Men/Women. To walk in Dharma, the way Krishna played through his many philosophical adventures. And so I said to myself, "Let's see, what shall I do first? Ahhh, let me see if there is a female equivalent that I may walk this path with. Wait, there she is! However, she's made me suffer in waiting for her. Though the suffering was necessary, to relinquish from my ego-identity that which does not serve the "all that is", I'm still a bit heart-broken and would like to see her struggle a little bit." Yeah, lets just say that was a major fuck-up to challenge the Goddess, especially when my attachment is to Kali. Kali is the one that doesn't waste time and get's to the point. Yes, she yelled at me, and it wasn't fun. But you know what? She's cute when she's angry! Correct Thought (Sangha) Nonetheless, she is my teacher, my gu-ru, my destroyer of ignorance. I had to learn what she needed to teach me. So place yourself in the position of an Indian child getting yelled at by angry Indian Mother. Multiply that sensation a couple hundred times. It would be like sitting in the middle of an amphitheater within your head, and you're sitting in the chair of your pineal gland. She's scary, and she basically told me the difficulty my ego will have to face to come even close to Her. She basically yelled, "Are you fucking kidding me? I have to "struggle" to get to little ole you? Do you realize the significance, the strength required to step into the shoes that you're attempting? I am the feminine infinite complexity that encompasses your entire field of "awareness". I am the illusion, and I the one to liberate you from the illusion by slicing your ego. I am the yin and your yang is merely a corpse without me. It is through your desire for me that your yang is awakened, not vice-versa. I am that desire, and I am fulfillment of that desire. And when you're actually/really awakened...oh you will see what will be required of you, to be the divine masculine (Shiva/Awareness). You are to infuse me, the divine feminine (love) with you (awareness). To do that, you would have to be in-love with all that which you are aware of, the light and the dark. After all, it's all just our story, our play (Lila). Don't you realize that's why we're praised by the saints (Devas) and the sinners (Asuras). My love, don't you know that we are the Cosmos." Conclude:
Yep, leave it to a women to always put me in my place. Nonetheless, I'm in love with Her and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm elated I'm one-step closer to fully-being with Her. Now to shine bright like a lemurian quartz crystal.
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Sati is practice in Hinduism (not by the ancients), where a widow will place herself within the funeral pyre of her beloved. Though a violent practice that has been dogmatically followed, it nonetheless holds some deep philosophical truths that I have not seen expressed anywhere else. Sati was not an ancient Hindu practice, but seems to begin at the time of Islamic invaders. The conquering Muslims would invade kingdoms and ask for two things: 1) the temples; and 2) the women. Credit given to these women, they took their lives as opposed to serving a foreign family and a foreign god. Nonetheless, the painful tradition carried on due to harsh patriarchal influences. In the ancient stories, Shiva is the original masculine. Defined in the ancient tantras as "awareness", Shiva is the bridge between the Para-Brahman "non-awareness" reality, and the material world of samsara. His consort is Shakti, the energy which creates the fabric of space and time for the material world to exist. She is defined in the ancient tantras as "witness" as she is the ability to create linearity and thus, our story-line. From Shakti is the Universe/World created. Because the Universe is her offspring, she also had to dive-in with her children and get lost in samsara, for the sake of saving her children.
Against her father's wishes, Sati comes across Shiva and is completely enamored, I mean love-struck. From here we get the story of Sati's emotional battle between her romantic appeal Shiva and her father Daksha. With Daksha, she is to be the proper daughter as propagated by Brahmanic culture. With Shiva, to be with Shiva, she is to move beyond the cultural norms to recognize her true potential as Shakti, which may includes anti-Brahmanic practices including the panchamakarmas. Nonetheless, to recognize her essence as Shakti, she needed to move beyond the ego identity. However, Sati's situation was too dense where, because of her father's opposition to Shiva, she sacrificed her ego-identity with her inner-fire. Hence, to liberate herself she realized that her ego-identity must be subdued, which would have caused numerous cultural difficulties being the daughter of the propagated of the first three Vedas. She can be either of the world (ego) and provide cultural governance, or she can be the infinite (Self) recognizing that one too must be liberated from the world, from culture.
I've often stated that I like the way the ancient Egyptians called their deities, Neters. From Neter we have derived the word "nature". Another words, a particular deity would be the "nature" of an aspect of the infinite one. As an example, Hathor would represent the abundance, prosperity, and love aspect of the infinite one, just like the Devi Lakshmi in Hinduism. Astrologically, Hathor and Lakshmi would be the archetypal planetary Venus. In essence, she is a certain aspect, a particular "nature" of the infinite one. In Hinduism, there is a particular Sanskrit term that is often portrayed with Goddess energy, Prakriti. Prakriti means "nature" and is also where the English term "practical" has its roots in the Indo-European languages. To act as "practical" is to act as the way one normally would, to act "naturally". Therefore, to put God into practical terms, we are basically using permission slips (deities) to tap into certain aspects of the infinite one. For the infinite one, it is "natural" to be abundant, prosperous, and loving within the unlimited vast expanse. Hence, in using these archetypes, we are essentially attempting to return to the "natural" way of thinking and doing. We attempt to embody the creative aspects of Brahma, the proper management of creation through Vishnu, and the ability to transcend our creation (illusion/delusion) with Shiva, and obtain knowledge through such experience with Shiva's consort Kali (Mahavidya; Wisdom Goddesses) who cleans us of our delusions. In Vedic philosophy, one is self-illuminated by the Atman, or the Spirit (Self). To take a step further, the ultimate reality is Brahman for which each sentient being seeks. The difference between Atman and Brahman is the difference between the air inside of a jar and the air surrounding the jar. Hence, in understanding the Self and each deity mainly as a permeation of the Self, the deities of our pantheons become the inner psyche for which we attempt to embody, to act in a "practical" way that would be "natural" for the infinite one.
In studying Tibetan Buddhism, particularly Dzogchen and Vajrayogini, I've come across one shocking statement that seem to now fit my current understanding. For the last couple of years, it seems that whenever I have a spiritual question, I tend to find an answer, which has only led me to seek higher truths. Nonetheless, one such assessment has to do with the worship of deities, including loved ones. According to the Tantric Master and teacher Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, Buddha Shakyamuni (Siddhartha Gautama) taught different teachings based on what the aspirant needed. These teachings are described in three categories: 1) teachings about karma for those looking for human happiness; 2) liberation for those seeking to unshackle samsara; and 3) enlightenment. From my studies of Advaita Vedanta, I've noticed the numerous discrepancies within that philosophy in comparison to most Hindu practices. The first major differentiation between the typical practices and advanced teachings that I've had to struggle with, is the concept of worshiping "deities". Raised Hindu, deity worship is essentially a staple. You go to the deities for everything. For as long as I can remember, my parents conduct prayers and light incense in front of their prayer space requesting blessings everyday. The favorites of course are Shiva (Hanuman), Krishna (Vishnu), Lakshmi, and Ganesha. Such deities are propagated for their ability to assist in daily human affairs. Nonetheless, it seems the more advanced philosophies dissolve these deities that I've grown up loving, including figures from different pantheons (including Jesus). Under Advaita Vedanta, there is only one reality, Brahman, with the spirit Higher Self Atman being the same. All else aside from Brahman is a product of illusion, maya. The illusion is designed as a way for the infinite to express and get to know itself. Nonetheless, all figures of worship, especially in form, are products of the illusion. Hence, we as individuals within the illusion, are similarly worshiping products of the illusion. At the essence of consciousness is "awareness" and all is consciousness. So basically, deity worship is "awareness worshiping awareness". Moreover, as Nisargadatta Maharaj had basically expressed to a seeker, in summation, "what do you think happens to your deities when you die and return to Brahman, are they not also dissolved into the great expanse?".
As a result, the teachings of Dzogchen and Vajrayogini seek the assistance of certain entities to help clear the inner channels, but ultimately only take refuge in the Three Jewels: 1) Buddha; 2) Dharma; and 3) Sangha. Simply put, take refuge in enlightenment, correct conduct, and emptiness. As Advaita Vedanta teaches control of awareness, Vajrayogini teaches a state of non-awareness, or emptiness. By refusing to place your awareness on any object, including Self, one is capable of accessing beyond the illusion. Basically, blow-out your field of awareness to achieve non-awareness. I assume that non-awareness is Nirvana. Though the teachings are heartbreaking in the sense you de-idolize beloved figures, all is for the better achievement of wisdom. Through understanding and recognizing their place within the illusion, I seek to pierce the veil for greater truths beyond our mundane existence. Kali remains as the Tantric deity of my choice as she has been my guide and seems to be an emanation of the Vajrayoginis. Like the Vajrayoginis, Kali is adorned with a garland of skulls symbolizing liberation of all sentient beings from maya/samsara. Nonetheless, I feel like I'm closer to the truth than I was yesterday. Seek enlightenment, be compassionate, and offer all desires to emptiness. ...First, having taken refuge in the Buddha, "not to bow down to other gods" means that if you bow down to mundane gods such as Mahadeva, Vishnu, Maheshvara, or others, your refuge vow is damaged. -Padmasambhava's Oral Instructions to Lady Tsogyal, Dakini Teachings. I had trouble with these teachings. Check out Part II.
The reason I raise sexuality is because the Goddess energy appears to carry a sexual undertone. When contemplating different Goddesses, I feel a different sensation. Kali is passionate and rigorous, Hathor is complete joy and bliss and love, Quan Yin and Mother Mary are nurturing, and Mary Magdalene is like falling/being in love. So here, I would like to address Kali provided that I have been chanting her mantras for over a year with phenomenal success. Her presence is vicious with the reminder of her loving presence when you need to have that memory. Provided that She is the benevolent consort of Shiva known as Parvati who acts as an intermediary between devotees and Shiva, she is also the love and bliss of Hathor who will tear shit up in the most bloodthirsty way as Sekhmet. She is the terrific and the terrible. So this was Tuesday, October 20, 2015. I had a great day, was full of energy, got some exercise, and was just full of bliss given the new insights I have been obtaining. It was the day after Kaalratri, which is dedicated to Kali, under the nights of the Goddess tradition of Navratri. The incense was lit whenever I had the chance, I had light meals, it was like walking on air. I began my evening ritual meditation where I set myself up in position with certain gemstones and begin focusing on my breathe. When fully relaxed, I grounded into the Mother Earth, pulled in energy from the Cosmic Universe, and let my Chakras light up and release whatever is holding me back. Go back into the mindfulness of my breathe for a few moments, and the mantras began. Unlike most mindfulness practices, if my mind drifts off to areas worth exploring, I proceed with those thoughts instead of the whole "when you see the Buddha on the road, kill him". I saw myself as a child wrapped up in Mother Kali's bloody arms. I was also getting images of my biological mother holding me, and just sensing the passion and love that the feminine was providing. With Kali, provided that she is nude, her bodily warmth was the perfect place to rest. As a child, she proceeded to breast feed me. The milk absorbed was felt throughout my body, like pranic jet fuel. As she is the great nurturer, the Mother is known to provide all the nutritional sustenance needed for an infant. As a child, I felt complete. However, as an adult, well, we'll just say it gets a bit odd from here. Provided that I am a grown straight male in a society that has overly-sexualized the female breasts, the visionary inner child was obtaining pranic bliss, while the grown male sitting in meditation was feeling the sensations of arousal. Now, in terms of sensations, breathing deep is pulling in prana to fill our body, like placing gasoline in an automobile. However, sensual arousal is like setting that gasoline/prana on fire. Kundalini energy, which is prana in motion, carries with it strong erotic tones meant to be mastered in the inner world. Needless to say, it took the meditation to a completely different realm.
Provided that human destruction is not my interest, the imagery was at first very disturbing. Nonetheless, in moments of doubt, I would have flashes to Parvati, which was reminder of the Goddesses constant change of nature. The destructive qualities have a purpose. As Kali or the masculine Kaala is associated with "time", without time there is no death or birth, and here She is devouring that illusion. She is the one to assist in the transcendence of our attachment to these illusions, including our attachment to the illusion of time that so dictates our lives.
Through my awareness, I was able to shift my perception between the masculine and feminine while the parties were intimate. The sensations were ecstatic and led to a climactic event that sent wonders up my spine. Oh how I wish to stay in that moment, but I must proceed with our illusory "reality". The session ended about 10 p.m. and I didn't fall asleep until midnight knowing I had a long work day ahead of me. Between 10 p.m. and 12 p.m., I just kept having quick flashes of insight regarding the "I Am" presence, the nature of "reality", etc., but it was happening so quick that I was unable to assess each and write them down. Moreover, I think my logical mind may have forgotten much of the information received in that time frame. However, I guess you can say that I was "downloading" information that may unfold as I continue on this path. All I can conclude with is that I feel blessed knowing that Her presence is stronger than ever.
In returning to a regular meditation routine, one mantra made Her way into my life making me psychological re-live my past. Such was done to clear my emotional body as She takes you to the root of your psychological limitations. As expressed in the Siva Sutras, 2:1, "[b]y intensive awareness of one's identity with the Highest Reality enshrined in a mantra and thus becoming identical with that Reality the mind itself becomes free." In other words, a mantra is a tool that when used with intense awareness with your identity molding with the highest identity in that mantra, your identities unite. It was in reading one of Shambhavi Lorain Chopra's work that I came across the Kali mantra scripted below. It was only after practicing this for over a month that I read about the potential dangers of said mantra. But, I was already a month into the practice, so why turn back? Coming out of such emotional issues, the Dark Goddess takes on a much more "calming" form. It's only when she clears our attachments/addictions do we fear Her since we don't want to lose certain ego-ic belongings. We're essentially diving into our shadow sides where we hide our negative ego and its limiting belief system. The mantra above is said to clear your life for a quick and direct spiritual evolution, potentially sending shock into your life. Perfect in the mantra for Kali, where the bloodthirsty Goddess swims in your shadow self cutting your limiting addictions. The Dark Goddess, who is the embodiment of the dark phase of the moon's cycle, was thus honored for her role in presiding over the mysteries and initiations of the intermediary passage between death and rebirth. - Demetra George, Mysteries of the Dark Moon (cited in Siobhan Houston's "Invoking Mary Magdelene").
Mary, thou blessed one, whom I will perfect in all mysteries of those of the height, discourse in openness, thou, whose heart is raised in the kingdom of heaven more than all thy brethren. -Jesus, Pistis Sophia (Book 1, Chapter 17) It's interesting that my work with the Dark Goddess had lead me back to Christianity. Predominately to a figure that is the symbol of western feminine degradation. Like the Moon, the Goddess shows us her many faces as she wanes and waxes, but she is still ever presently the Moon. When I see pictures of Kali's foot penetrating into the limp Shiva, I see the intimate feminine simply waking her lover up from his sacrifice. The Gnostics referred to Her as Christ the Sophia with her beloved as Christ the Logos. She is the one who anointed Her beloved from Her alabaster jar. She was the one purged of Her seven (7) demons. Luke 8:1-3. Her return to prominence would be the imminent awakening of the Western world of a long lost love. Such has begun with the popularity of certain material, including the "Da Vinci Code". However, She is so much more than a bloodline or a disciple, do I dare say the equivalent of Her beloved. ...for thou art blessed before all women on earth, because thou shalt be the ful[l]ness of all fu[l]lnesses and the perfection of all perfections." - Jesus, Pistis Sophia, (Book 1, Chapter 19) As the oldest religion still widely practiced today, Hinduism has taken different evolutionary forms where the modern devotee may be impervious to the roots or original intentions of certain philosophical works. Among the metaphysical debate has been the ranking of Shiva and Vishnu creating different sects, Shaivism and Vaishnavism, where devotees of each have attempted to clarify a hierarchical order. Stories known as Puranas, associated with each deity carry conflicting information placing a particular deity at the forefront possibly due to each sects biases. Vishnu and Shiva have each taken on conflicting ideals and seem to influence a different aspect of a devotees life. Like many other religions, Hinduism carries a trinity, or trimurti, as expressed through G-O-D, with Brahma as the (G)enerator, Vishnu as the (O)perator, and Shiva as the (D)estroyer. Brahma is considered the original patriarch of mankind, or the "Abraham" of the Hindu tradition. However, Brahma's progenitor is Vishnu where a progenitor for both Vishnu and Shiva is left ambiguous and may be simply explained as appearing from Shakti, or the feminine chaotic energy. Possibly the most popular Hindu deity, Vishnu holds management responsibilities propitiated by devotees for assistance in earthly life. Vishnu is considered the upholder of righteousness or one's duty known as dharma within the material world. Whenever there is an influx of unrighteousness within the world, Vishnu makes an appearance within the World with his most popular avatars being Rama of the Ramayana and Krishna of the Mahabharata. Along Vishnu's side is his consort Goddess Lakshmi who appears respectively as Sita and Radha. Lakshmi being symbolic of abundance and prosperity, together they appear to express following one's dharma within the world and the ability to reap the abundance thereof. As a vedic concept, dharma is often associated with cleanliness and purity with concepts of vegetarianism and nonviolence often adopted within the Vaishnava tradition. Another popular deity, Shiva holds drastically different qualities from Vishnu and overall Vedic/Brahamanic concepts. Especially in his association with the fierce Goddesses labelled as the Mahavidyas in the tantric tradition, Shiva seems to challenge the patriarchal structure found within the Vedas. Vishnu's consort, Lakshmi, carries submissive qualities often depicted as massaging Vishnu, whereas, Shiva can be found subdued by the Goddess and limp under her feet. Such concepts render credence to the Aryan invasion theories, where it appears that there is some sort of attempt to combine drastically different ideologies. As depicted in the Shaivaite traditions, Shiva appears to be anti-dharmic. As opposed to cleanliness and purity, Shiva holds qualities that would be despised in typical Vedic/Brahamanic worship. As opposed to the worldy management of Vishnu, Shiva is more associated with death, isolated yoga amounting to worldly renunciation, and Panchamakara which includes intoxicants, meat, and sacred fertility. The contradictions are reflected within the story of his original consort Sati. Raised within the typical Vedic/Brahamanic household, Shiva's inauspicious qualities simply were not acceptable for Sati's father leading to Sati's bodily sacrifice. However, Shiva and Sati are reunited in marriage through Sati's physical incarnation as Parvati. Similar to Sati, Parvati appears to have a Vedic/Brahamanic background where she has been depicted as complaining to her mother that Shiva is often devoid of dharmic (household/worldly) duties where Shiva would much rather parlay in intoxicants and pursue ascetic yogic activities. David Kinsley, Hindu Goddesses. Unlike Vishnu whose duty is the management of righteousness with mankind, it appears Shiva needs to be appeased by the Goddess for Shiva to assist mankind.
Hence, the conflicting roles of Vishnu and Shiva are in direct opposition and can be seen as a tension. However, this tension can be described as merely duality of the same spiritual spectrum. Shiva and Vishnu thus become the proper duality, the inner world and the outer world, the spiritual world and the material world. The feminine aspects portray similar dual concepts with Lakshmi representing abundance within the outerworld, and the tantric equivalent Kamala (A Mahavidya often considered to be the same as Lakshmi) representing spiritual internal abundance. Therefore, the conflicting practices and depictions show the tension and mankind's inherit need to unite the two.
The eastern concept of duality appears to be in stark contrast to western concepts that depict duality as simple good and evil. Firstly, good and evil tend to be relative notions, opinions created by the individual. An action deemed as good may have negative consequences and vice versa. As an example, Christ's sacrifice may be seen as the ultimate sacrifice in purifying mankind, an act that many would argue is the extreme good. However, such a powerful sacrifice may stymie mankind's own ability and personal challenge to become Christs, a concept which may be seen as not good. Eastern concepts of duality stress the importance of both sides, examples being night and day, inhalation and exhalation, emotional and logical, with a balance creating harmony. Vishnu and Shiva can be seen as similar opposing poles that would instill harmony in both the spiritual and material planes. |
AuthorOverly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil. "It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions Archives
August 2019
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