On this blessed 11:11, I sat meditating on my balcony soaking the warmth of the radiant sun. For me, when I'm able to relax into the intensity of the heat, I feel like I'm being slowly warmed into relaxation. It's an excellent feel to get in deeper, get the thoughts to quiet especially after the wonderful catalyst of an election where a loud mouth neanderthal (fear no logic) outwit the most dangerous gang on the planet (fear with logic), I was subdued into recognizing how far it is that I have come internally. From my personal catalysts triggering in early 2014, I was led down a road around heavily seeking the real power we hold within, the good esoteric stuff filled with tantric fokelore. I had time on my hands, and I really wanted to shift my life in a different direction. I didn't conceive then what that might entail, the psychological dissection moving me in every which bi-polar way, into what seems to never-ending bursts of bliss to spiraling fathoms of doubt. Strapped with a few gemstones, tantric mantras (Matra/Padmasambhava), a wealth of knowledge from years of intense reading birthing from childhood, and the use of taoist breathing techniques, I purged and damn did I purge! While on my balcony, I recognized where I was then, to where I am now with the ability to tap into mindful and no-mind bliss. To be in this state, is really to have released enough attachments to recognize the still of the mind. These attachments are a constant adornment from what we perceive with our senses, to what we use to dull our senses, where many just never think to quietly subdue our senses. Anything triggered is really something up to be purged, which I now leave to drift into an imaginative flower to be removed from my personal space, psychic ninja style. Given that I have been doing this long enough, I am not so much triggered by the occurrences of the physical world. Being an empath, empathy still illogically rules me even when I have no comprehension why, I can at least stay quiet now, present to the blissful vibrantly colorful moment. Moreover, much of what use to trigger me, is now blissfully quiet. My waters prefer stillness. This past few days have been another story. Post the apocalyptic election, I have been triggered, not by the election result which actually worked out in my favor in preferring the quickest catalyst, but by the turmoil resulting where the masses have been instantly affected by something solely perceived through media sources. Many of us will not see these politicians in the flesh, but the reality show of advanced politics caused a raucous showing how easy it is for the elite to affect our vibration, feeling, beliefs, actions. Hence, the reason why of the possibility of the Caucasian George Soros funding the Black Lives Matter movement. It's just advanced politics, how easy it is for the elite to move the pawn pieces. It's all in the media, filling up the masses field of awareness, there is no other way to think for those drunk on this illusory heroine. I was triggered by the fact that my people, my loved ones, simply fell for it! They lowered their vibration in this pivotal time of expansion. In them being triggered, I was also triggered, and realized, still more purging. The sun is penetrating it's heat by now, I'm snapping in and out of thoughts in my attempt to clear them, I realized that my mouth was verbalizing a mantra to Cinnamasta seeking for wholeness, where Kali's presence was felt behind me. Here, I realized that the Feminine Divine that I have sought out had walked me through my path at each and every step, including the darkest of times. Having verbalized her mantric seeds, as I faced my shadows, fears, weaknesses, self-victimization to the point of blacking out being the only option, in her terrible form frightening away the greatest of tragedies, she let me know that she had my back more than I could imagine. Knowing her to be nothing less than the Queen of Wisdom, the sensation of confidence rushed me with an immediate kick of upliftment. It's not that I have to face my fears or go through trials and tribulations. Really, each moment is created for our best outcome. Each moment is created by our Higher Self, our own self, for the purpose of the wisdom that we seek within ourselves. In my 31 years, I discovered a feeling vibrating from the Feminine Divine's words, an emotion of something I had been told about all my life from Hindus and Christians. A concept that has always alluded me in my seeking leaving me hypercritical of those who portrayed having it. It was simply faith. I discovered Faith as not something to believe in, but a wellspring that needs to sprout from within using experience. It seems faith is not up for logical dissection, but an intuitive harmony lighting the path. Because of this feeling of faith, the triggers that arose in wishing to release the fears and anguish of humanity, especially of my loved ones, was released. I suddenly remembered that every one is connected with Higher Self with their lives also designed and crafted with such blessings regardless of holding faith. Everyone is on their own journey, and many need to traverse such triggers to be the Heroes of their stories. I needed to remember and have faith that all is crafted for the divine's delight, our divine comedy. I continued to release the triggers to bask in the holy light of my conscious awareness, feeling the macrocosmic pull within the microcosmic design. If I can't have faith in myself yet still under the guise of duality believing the divine to be separate from me, then faith in an external divine is sufficient until source is completely driven from within. This 11:11 moment of manifestation, looking through my third-eye periscope beyond our advanced lesson in civil karma, I feel pretty damn good for what's about to come.
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Diwali night, October, 30, 2016, I left my night time meditation to sleep telling myself, "holy shit, you've just got a massive upgrade". I was left in awe and the knowing that nothing will be the same. I know my meditation has been more expansive, but to bridge the two worlds, of the seen with the unseen, it appears to be a pioneering experience for me. It's Diwali, we have the abundant materialist Lakshmi who is honored and praised in this tradition, to attract the fortunes available in the new year. As a devotee of Kali, I would like to transcend such attachments, but realizing her manifestations as Sodashi, or Kamala, the wisdom of the universe is beautifully abundantly there for our enjoyment. Nonetheless, after leaving the parental households of numerous relatives all paying homage to Lakshmi, I returned home to meditate holding a copper blessed yantra dedicated to the Mahavidyas, including the Lakshmi twin Kamala. Immediately drawn within with the help of my guides, my channels are flowing, and my mind is tied to the mantra vibrating from my third-eye as the vibrations echo through my body. As I pause to move into a state of being of no-thought to feel the connection between my crown and to a place beyond creation, I'm immediately slammed into a wave that forces my body to convulse. Lingering here, I'm immediately noticing the subtle sounds of my surroundings with no mental interpretations. My inner body is clear which can only be described as oxygen entering into new areas of my body, from my lower pubic area to my forehead. My skull is struggling to hold the energy within my head, as my body is stretching, spine cracking, muscles releasing, the only thing I can do is to relax into myself. As anxiety and stress is flushed down my grounding cord from my root chakra to the center of the Earth, I finally feel like myself, unbound by the external worlds wants and demands.
In my own psyche, I needed to forgive the worst of the worst, but first I needed to realize who that may be for myself. If Showtimes "Dexter" taught me anything, it was to enter the mind of a feeling-less sociopath and see life through a serial killer's perspective. "Dexter" is a show that leaves you supporting the serial killer, who becomes somewhat relate-able as a good-guy character as he targets hard-criminals as a way to manage his "dark passenger". So typical murders may not be so bad for me, I wanted to realize who really I think is unforgivable. I realized, that it would be anyone who does something to criminally harm children. In embodying the Christ energy, I needed to ask myself the more difficult question, "what if I did something this heinous in a past life?". As the panic attack developed at this sheer idea, I realized I needed to heal those aspects of me. In remembering the love of Christ, I felt his pain and humiliation on the Cross as I looked out at the shouting audience wishing his ultimate demise. As a God, I assumed Jesus could easily detach from his pain, the way yogis and taoists detach from their senses. Jesus could have been completely detached, the way we go into no-mind under meditation or hypnosis, but he remained present to experience the pain for the benefit of his accusatory viewers. I asked myself, how would Christ's suffering benefit his viewers? Immediately I was in the position of shouting profanities and the worst hells upon a fragile tearful figure spread out on the Cross. In that fury, I heard the Christ mumble, "Father forgive them". In that glow, I realized despite what I did to what appeared to me to be another flawed human being, that figure still loved me enough to have asked to have me forgiven. All the while moving through this, the mantra to Goddess Kali was being vibrated and echoed through my inner caverns. The worst of the worst all have one thing in common, fear. They work from a place of fear, instill fear, and find power through fear. The Goddess Kali has always been portrayed in a very fearful aspect, one that is suited to Halloween, which was the following day of October 31, 2016. In attempting to unite with Her, in her fearful form, I realized my own fears in doing so. In other words, She was my Goddess of Fear. In helping me with my fears and bridging love into parts of me I deem unforgivable, I needed to fall in love with the Goddess of Fear. The one thing more fearful than being a victim of heinous criminal acts would be to commit the heinous criminal act. But we need to recognize the wisdom of those circumstances, such as the wisdom gained from the act of the Christ Crucifixion, which is to completely love and forgive others and our own selves. Thereafter, the meditation concluded by seeing myself seated in lotus position in the center of an ancient court surrounded by the 10 Mahavidyas, all showering their blessings on me. However, it's not that we were separate, but we were all one. I could feel them outside me as I get to admire them, but I also felt them inside me, as me. As Tara I would feel fierce, as Sodashi I would be a teenage girl ready to rebel and forge my way into adulthood, as Chinnamasta I would feel balanced within, and so forth.
In many of our ancient traditions, from Hinduism to Native Indigenous, the Goddess is praised as the weaver of our existence. In particular Hindu sects, the Goddess as Shakti, or in her Adi-Shakti form as Kali, is known as the MahaMaya, the Great Illusion. While Shiva represents the ability to be aware, as he is prakasa, the light of consciousness, Shakti gives us something to be aware of. Hence, it's through the illusory qualities that we're provided with the space-time fabric that consists of the Universe. Therefore, what many religions fail to realize, those that are of the anti-matrix breed, is that their deities or figures of worship would not exist but for the matrix. If you believe heaven to be a tangible existence, or something of the like in spiritual form, well, that would not exist but for the matrix. With the collapse of our Universe into what the Vedics teach as Brahaman, so would collapse every form, including every figment of worship that we have sought on this planet. The illusion we find ourselves in is crafted for the delight of Shiva and Shakti, the attractive positive and negative energy, which creates the ability for each of us to carry out our story, where we traverse our Hero's Journey. Hence, the illusion provides us with our existence, our forms of traditions, our forms of worship, basically our existence. In Native American traditions, the Grandmother Spider, like the Greek Ariadne, weaves humanity's story and existence. Munya Andrews, The Seven Sisters of the Pleiades. Within that story, there is often a balance required, a type of path where judgment is used to keep matters progressing, or insists on an orderliness. Such is often the work of our judgment deities, mostly influenced by the Egyptian Ma'at (maatrix) where we have obtained our balancing scales. Id. Even the Catholics have the divine mother as expressed as Mother Mary, a figure not praised in later protestant traditions who sought to purge the pagan elements of Catholicism. Just as Siddhartha who became Buddha Shakyamuni was born of his mother Maya, so was Jesus who became the Christ figure was born of his mother Mar-y, where Mar implies the ocean of creation. Bringing this back to Kali, the mother of the cosmos is often defined by two terms, MahaMaya as the Great Illusion as expressed earlier, and MahaVidya as the Great Wisdom Goddess. Hence, the divine mother provides you what you desire, be it delusion on one end, or wisdom on the other. Therefore, the matrix can be seen as a computer program of existence. However, those that seek to attack the program are simply pointing the finger at the programmer as opposed to their own selves who have sought delusion over wisdom. Not to play-down any Archontic forces that may place a virus in the programming, but to ultimately conclude that we still have free-choice despite such influences, where substantial wisdom is to be gained from obstacles. Essentially, I'm exhausted from hearing "maya" is bad, etc., where our power has always lied within us, including the ability to give our power away and delude ourselves into thinking we're powerless. We really have no one else to blame but ourselves when we fall into our delusions, not satan, not demons, when we realize the power the matrix has placed within us to seek the truth and wisdom of each matter. As the great Mother of creation, she's given us the opportunity to get completely lost within our own delusions, or liberate ourselves and seek wisdom. In other words, we can't point the finger elsewhere, but at our own selves.
Law of Attraction: Law of Attraction teachings disclose that in order to attract an object or circumstance into one's life, one has to match that frequency. That frequency is found through our own vibrations indicated by our emotional body. In other words, FEEL like you have already accomplished obtaining the object or circumstances, and FEEL into as much as possible. In other words, imagine the life you desire, and FEEL into it to trigger your emotional body. Emotions tends to follow thought patterns, where if one feels angry, angry thoughts will follow, if feeling happy, happy thoughts will follow. Hence, when you FEEL into what you are trying to attract, your emotional body will also trigger your Psyche, including any blockages that inhibit manifestation. Mantra: Shivoham is also a mantra, where mantra is derived from the word manas or mind. Hence, the use of mantras triggers a re-calibration of thoughts, and directs focus. To place the Law of Attraction technique above with the chosen mantra is a powerful tool to becoming closer to Shivoham, or another deity of choice. To vibrationally match the deity of choice by understanding and embodying His/Her mythology and maintaining focus through the use of mantra, well, you're bound to at least feel something shifting. Blockages: To embody a deity through the use of imagination can raise all sorts of blockages. One such blockage as found throughout our societies is a manipulative and domineering understanding of humility. Raised in a Hindu household, we've bowed to everything, honored numerous external things as sacred, and certain things can create offense such as trimming a tulsi (holy basil) plant to some. Raised in Christian education, we were constantly told to repent because we are sinners, told that we're unworthy, etc. Under the Law of Attraction, if you're holding a sense of sinful unworthiness or the likes, you may be just further distancing yourself from your divinity, where such ideas and emotions arise when attempting to embody the feeling of the divinity. When such blockages arise, it screws up the meditation where thoughts of unworthiness from a false understanding of humility arise. Meditation: Nonetheless, there are techniques to bypass the blockages. For example, in my meditations to Kali, the divine Mother, I would initially approach her as a child. She's called the Mother for a reason where under this symbol, she's been very easy to approach. It's much easier to imagine oneself as a child then it is to imagine oneself as Shiva. From what I've found, approaching Kali with an ego-identity is the quickest way to trigger her fiercer aspects, though it has its benefits where she assists in clearing. Though to approach her as an equivalent, as Shiva, and vice-versa, to approach Shiva as Kali, well, I'll just say that's a climactic vibration, one that can be felt in the spine. After writing this, I probably should say to approach her as a child, then your ego-self and let her do her work, then Shiva. Hence, in approaching the divine, if it's difficult to place worth on the ego-identity, then choose the divine within, the self-luminous light of consciousness that remains unblemished, to shine forth and match that vibration that you're trying to bridge. Be forewarned, this technique is powerful, so I should provide a warning. To reach for the divine is to unravel the ego-identity, which is everything that you thought you were. iShiva!
The ancient teaching spoke of the unification between the opposites. Not of the good and evil variety, but of positive and negative magnetic forces, of the masculine with the feminine, the yang with yin, the lingam with the yoni, Shiva with Shakti. Within that balance flows harmony, Ananda, the Tao. Within our subtle body lies the ida (feminine) and pingala (masuline) nadi's, energetic channels that separate and combine with each chakra point leading to the third eye. Our third eye is positioned centered between the hemisphere's of our brain, that would be our masculine logical left brain and our feminine creative right brain. Here, we meet the balance of our polar opposites, where we meet ourSelf that feels like a rush flooding downwards through the crown chakra, redoing, remapping, reprogramming everything that we thought ourselves to be. It's where we deconstruct the paradigm instilled within us from being engaged with our senses, and meet something that has been lingering within us beyond our mental facilities. The divine couple is Shiva and Shakti, the magnetic attraction between the positive and negative electrical charge within us that our ego-identity has forgotten and has accidentally attempted to separate. Not only has the divine couple manifested itself externally through magnetic forces, through animalistic attraction, through our ancient stories of divine couples, but also through our own psychology as further articulated in the ancient traditions of Shiva and Shakti. Shiva: Shiva is defined as prakasha, or the light of consciousness. In other words, Shiva is the psychological ability to be "aware". Awareness is mental virginity, or Kumari, the ability to be simply "aware" unstained from any thought-constructs, which include ideas, opinions, beliefs, formulations, etc. Awareness is to be in the complete state of Now, fully present to your experience without clouding it with any ideas and perspectives. To be fully present, is to be able to engage with what you perceive from a completely fresh perspective. To be fully present with everything occurring externally and emotionally internally, we recognize our existence (sat) within the universe. Shiva is our ability to perceive (chit) within the universe. Shakti: Shakti is defined as Mahamaya, or the grand illusion, which is, all that which is perceived. Hence, she is the Mother of our universe. Our universe is created through matrika (term used to identify Sanskrit), or motherly vibrations that creates and destroys universes. Everything is energy, where energy is simply mass multiplied by the speed of light squared (E=m c2) . In other words, that which we perceive, mass, is simple energy divided by the speed of light squared (E/c2 = m). It's because of this energy, this shakti, this prana/chi, the way she moves and vibrates through space-time that we have the Universe and all within it which we perceive. In the Tripura Rahasaya: Secrets of The Supreme Goddess, Shiva is defined as "awareness" and Shakti is defined as "witness". Shiva is our ability to perceive, where Shakti gives us something to perceive, including our faculties of perception. One is the light of consciousness where the other is the vibration of consciousness, for the two are actually one. To worship a divinity is to bring oneself closer to that divinity through what we call love, hence, our concepts of bhakti, devotion, etc. To worship Shiva-Shakti, is to understand and bring oneself closer to understanding our own abilities of being "aware" and "witnessing" the universe, to bring devotion/bhakti/love to that which we perceive as well as our ability to perceive. In worshiping Shiva, embody the Mother of the Universe and attract the attention of Shiva for She is constantly trying to attract our attention with her Illusion. In worshiping Shakti, embody Shiva, the ability to be aware and fall in love with the present moment that the Illusion has provided you. For isn't this what we are, a psychological dance between our mental/sensory faculties and things that we perceive. Isn't that what it means to be the divine couple internally, to fuse the opposite mental faculties within us, and engage our paradigm from a higher perspective, one with cosmic awareness and cosmic creative abilities. Isn't this accomplished through what we call divine love? To unite Shiva with Shakti is part of the tradition that believes in romance of the divine couple. To understand the romance that we ourselves create with that which we perceive. It's the ability to be at an emotionally vibratory state of complete love and completion within. It's the sensation of fulfillment, where nothing more is required. It's to realize that you are the Dance of the Universe occurring within the Universe.
"In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God." John 1:1. Christian thought has taken a logical approach to the statement of the word being God, and of course, stressing the importance of their doctrine using this statement to emphasize the "word of God". But, the Eastern world has taken a different approach to "words", with the understanding that the first word, through its emanating vibration, created the universe, Aum. Hinduism stresses the original language to be sanskrit, a language meant to be felt through singing. The importance not necessarily on the interpretation as the sanskrit based Vedas consist of hymns as opposed to philosophical discourse, but the vibration felt within uttering such terms that leave remnants within one's vibrational field. The vibrations are to be felt within each molecule pervading one's being to the point where one is completely absorbed in the vibration being left in a trance, like some drug induced raver experiencing every note musically displayed, or a churchgoer lost in the eloquent hymns of the choir. Though we often look for interpretation and understanding when provided some religious or philosophical concept, such is only part of experiencing mantras. We're too logically induced in the patriarchal upbringing, where the rebels are considered the ones who are moved by the feels of feminine intuition and go against the grain while looking insane. In the East we are provided with a plethora of mantras, often towards different entities, or to bring in differing fortunes. But, even in the East, the logical mind seems to want to grasp onto definitions and reasons, where the realm of mantras is a realm that is beyond the realm of the common senses that leave us engrossed within the maya based illusion creating delusion. In other words, mantras are meant to be experienced and consciousness shifting, before they are to be logically understood.
I've practiced mantras on and off all throughout my childhood. Though at that time, I was too engrossed with the thought of the practice, what it could bring, and what the mantra means. I picked up the mantra practice again in 2014, where blended in with bouts of mindfulness, the practice evolved on it's own course where I feel like I've been internally guided on how to do the practice correctly. I still use the same japa beads that I've had since I was a child as a reminder of where I've come from, but now, instead of the number of times that I do a mantra being important, what I stress is the ability to feel into the vibrations of the terms, which often leaves me with the inability to even do one round with my japa beads. I sometimes now feel extremely stressed in the practice, like my body is attempting to hold and handle too much feels. From feeling tension within my head to my body feeling extremely exhausted, I noticed that the practice is like strength training. I'm all for it, since it's all about expanding our own abilities, and mostly, our own consciousness or ability to be aware and perceive new insights. Provided that I use entities as guides to bring me towards expanding my consciousness, there are two entities that I have settled with, Kali and Padmasambhava. I've been intrigued with Kali since I was a child, and she feels to represent the highest feminine for me, the Adi-Shakti. Her fierceness is what I believe has helped me clear away and pierce into the heart of the matter. Overall, she's a great thought-clearer who helps me get into mindfulness. One would think that the other entity would be Kali's counterpart, Shiva. However, I define Shiva as Higher Self, the cosmic consciousness, the state of mind that I wish to obtain in my practice. Shiva's mantra appears to be calm and relaxing, and if Kali gets too intense, I turn to Shiva. However, Padmasambhava is my choice, where, as an enlightened master above the wheel of samsara, he appears to provide all sorts of shocks to my consciousness and an overall feeling of upliftment. I've done mantras to many of the entities within the Hindu pantheon and the Christian Lord's Prayer, where the two above-mentioned feels right for me, for now. Kali is intense and would rather not disclose her mantra here. However, Her Mahavidya form of Tara, which I believe is also within the Tibetan Buddhist home where she appears more compassionate, would be a beautiful expression I would recommend. Om Tare Tu Tare Ture Soha is a beautiful calming resonance over the fiery Kali. In addition, the Guru Rinpoche mantra for Padmasambhava is also highly recommended, which can easily be found on youtube. Overall, I feel the feminine will help you deal with circumstances, clearing, and is an overall blessing to walk life with clearing the way for the masculine to adjust consciousness. Hence, I wouldn't recommend jumping around with different mantras, but dedicating a practice to a chosen few, if not one mantra. In proceeding to do a mantra, enter the meditative trance by whatever means you see fit. This means, get into a state where you're deeply relaxed, your breathe is deeply moving in (towards lower spine) and out in a natural manner, and you may be getting slightly sleepy in an almost hypnotic state. One technique that I'll occasionally use is to focus on each body part from the top of my head downwards (or vice-versa) with the intent that each body part is relaxing. For me, telling each body part, or sending it some sort of relaxing imaginary light works to release significant tension. In fact, use some hypnotherapy techniques, like swallowing an imaginary relaxing pill and feel it dissolve immediately into your blood stream relaxing your entire body. In doing this practice, thoughts will naturally subside the deeper one relaxes. And the closest you can get to higher self is the closest you can get to subduing the monkey mind of thoughts. When you proceed to do the mantra, the goal is to feel it. Hence, use the imaginative abilities to move the vibration from the mantra around your body. I typically use my internal mind voice to chant mantras, which then can go through numerous phases within my inner cavities. 1) I typically begin with visualizing my pineal gland as numerous loudspeakers pointing in every direction bursting out the mantra into my inner body. Just like you can feel the bass from loudspeakers, so do I feel the reverberations within myself. 2) The stronger those vibrations get within myself, the more chaotic it becomes to contain. Hence, I will then see my skin as like a stable "bell" attempting to hold the vibrations within. The stronger the vibrations get, the "bell" begins to also vibrate and pulsate outwards into the world. 3) When the intensity of the vibration becomes too intense within, I imagine that the top of my head opens allowing the vibration to shoot upwards and out of me. Do note, that I also perceive a grounding cord from my root chakra into the center of the Earth. Like an electrical shock, grounding is necessary. 4) The crown opening usually helps release a significant amount of intensity, where I then rest in the lingering vibrations of the mantra within myself, where I attempt to have each of my molecules absorb the vibrations. 5) Thereafter, I proceed to not only have each of my molecules absorb the vibration, but also become loudspeakers and pulsate the mantra outwards. This has a dual affect of emitting and absorbing the vibration. 6) If your mantra is based of an entity, imagine yourself as that entity. It's important to note that the symbolism behind that entity of your choice is important, as that is what you are attempting to embody, to bring in to help assist you. My practice is constantly evolving, and I allow myself to listen within on how to proceed when I do my mantra meditations. My goal is to use whatever entity I choose to expand myself, to allow more Higher Self to flow within with the help of the entity. The feel of it is like blissful breathing within my body, and mostly within my head, where the darkness of closing my eyes begins to "light up" as if there was a light bulb on top of my crown. Occasionally, I'll perceive different insights, or will immediately write a blog post thereafter knowing I'm embodying something special. However, my goal is to remain in this field of energy as much as possible, which can be depressing and doubtful thereafter as I fall back into my Earthly circumstances. Again, it's like fitness, take in higher light and let that dissolve your current way of thinking into something more expansive.
In Hinduisim we have a saying, "when the student is ready, the teacher will come". Since I was a child, so many alleged teachers have stepped into our family households. We've had brilliant Vedic practitioners, devotional monks, fundamentalists (from numerous religions), and sometimes a few esoteric oddballs that don't seem to fall into a category. Overall, even if the "teachers" had some legitimate teachings, I was really turned off by spiritual car salesman pitch. Because of my refusal to submit to any particular teaching, mixed with the desire to know that there is more out of life, out of spirit, I can feel that I've been divinely guided. In my search for higher truths, or beliefs that are more-in-line with spirit, I've since realized the Universe herself is my teacher. I've had a natural inclination to devote to a divine entity upon walking this earth. Hence, our ancient spiritual stories ring true in my heart. My search is for the highest, which I felt as a child was Shiva, our Transcendent Lord. It was not until I seen a woman standing on my guy, that I had to realize that there is always another level. Nonetheless, reaching for the great Divine Mother of Illusion, Mahamaya, the Goddess known as Kali, the space/time fabric of our Universe, to help me seek wisdom has been the only main submission for me. Though I still seek "gurus", and revel in numerous teachings crafted by humans, I cannot submit to one guru, one philosophical concept, one community. Though I also have a natural inclination to despise hierarchy and authority figures, as depicted in my astrology chart, my path is to follow my own resonance. I seek the blessing of my divine Goddess, and from there, I follow each of my intentional seeking moments with a synchronistic pull. Instead of following one teacher and going step by step, I simply follow my own inner feeling into what seems most spiritually elating. Hence, though with numerous teachers, I follow my own path in sorting through what's out there. In doing this work without a set guru, a set community, a set boundary spiritual system, I've realized that it's painfully lonely, emotionally debilitating, and psychologically chaotic, but I see results. I'm not recommending this route for others, where it's much safer to walk a path that already has some guiding footsteps. In fact, even my path has many much older footsteps, it's just that I'm choosing which direction without care to my sanity. I've since realized that I could have fallen off the deep end psychologically with the practice that I've done. After all, most people live their life never giving a second thought to having a "shadow side", and what could possibly be hidden in such depths. I've recognized that having devotion to a divine entity was my saving grace, who was able to cut through the dark vines to help me gain clarity when consciously lost in the dark. In following my own inner feels, in my lack of submission, I feel deeply accomplished differing from other spiritual individuals who cite to other individuals for guidance. I mean, I do that too, but only when it feels right with my own inner resonance which I make sure I churn with analysis. If a guru tells me to stay indoors during a lunar eclipse without rationale, I'm the type to say fuck that, and invoke the moon as I have done written in a prior post. Given that my practice is all about trial and error, the numerous synchronicities, the substantial changes both physical and within my psyche, as well as having the ability to tap into somethings that don't feel like my own identity but higher, all I can say is the Universe is the greatest teacher. When you allow her to be, when you're ready, she will be your greatest Teacher. Given the Universe is the illusion we see, she provides you with teaching in many ways, for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. Stay true to your inner resonance, be guided by what feels right for you. We need to love our diversity. We're not all meant to wear the same shoes, and walk the same path. Regardless of what differing path we walk, we're all in this Universe together. We're all just trying to discover the truth about ourselves, about our spirit.
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AuthorOverly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil. "It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions Archives
August 2019
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