Enlightenment (Buddha) When I meditate, I try to invoke the divine apsect of my choice. Practicing Advaita Vedanta, that choice has been "Shiva", or "Awareness". The "awareness" that arises being in a place of stillness, of no thought, is my attempt to become Lord Shiva, the master of consciousness. Lingering in this state of mind, with Mt. Kailash (stillness) under me, my emotions-thoughts (moon) under control, resting in the purity flowing through me (Ganga), fully in awareness of the three states of consciousness (Trishul: Awake, Sleep, Deep Sleep), is my third-eye open (Shiva), and my chaotic heart (Kali/Dark Nature) content (Parvati/Light Nature). That is when I am awake, aroused, and in love (Shiva-Lingam/Shakti-Yoni). My ego is left as a corpse (shava), as I engage my Higher Self (Shiva/Awareness). Conduct (Dharma) Tapping into my inner divinity, I'm left slightly on the arrogant tip. I'm awake, aroused, and ready to conquer my hearts desire. That is to walk like a God/Goddess among Men/Women. To walk in Dharma, the way Krishna played through his many philosophical adventures. And so I said to myself, "Let's see, what shall I do first? Ahhh, let me see if there is a female equivalent that I may walk this path with. Wait, there she is! However, she's made me suffer in waiting for her. Though the suffering was necessary, to relinquish from my ego-identity that which does not serve the "all that is", I'm still a bit heart-broken and would like to see her struggle a little bit." Yeah, lets just say that was a major fuck-up to challenge the Goddess, especially when my attachment is to Kali. Kali is the one that doesn't waste time and get's to the point. Yes, she yelled at me, and it wasn't fun. But you know what? She's cute when she's angry! Correct Thought (Sangha) Nonetheless, she is my teacher, my gu-ru, my destroyer of ignorance. I had to learn what she needed to teach me. So place yourself in the position of an Indian child getting yelled at by angry Indian Mother. Multiply that sensation a couple hundred times. It would be like sitting in the middle of an amphitheater within your head, and you're sitting in the chair of your pineal gland. She's scary, and she basically told me the difficulty my ego will have to face to come even close to Her. She basically yelled, "Are you fucking kidding me? I have to "struggle" to get to little ole you? Do you realize the significance, the strength required to step into the shoes that you're attempting? I am the feminine infinite complexity that encompasses your entire field of "awareness". I am the illusion, and I the one to liberate you from the illusion by slicing your ego. I am the yin and your yang is merely a corpse without me. It is through your desire for me that your yang is awakened, not vice-versa. I am that desire, and I am fulfillment of that desire. And when you're actually/really awakened...oh you will see what will be required of you, to be the divine masculine (Shiva/Awareness). You are to infuse me, the divine feminine (love) with you (awareness). To do that, you would have to be in-love with all that which you are aware of, the light and the dark. After all, it's all just our story, our play (Lila). Don't you realize that's why we're praised by the saints (Devas) and the sinners (Asuras). My love, don't you know that we are the Cosmos." Conclude:
Yep, leave it to a women to always put me in my place. Nonetheless, I'm in love with Her and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm elated I'm one-step closer to fully-being with Her. Now to shine bright like a lemurian quartz crystal.
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Sati is practice in Hinduism (not by the ancients), where a widow will place herself within the funeral pyre of her beloved. Though a violent practice that has been dogmatically followed, it nonetheless holds some deep philosophical truths that I have not seen expressed anywhere else. Sati was not an ancient Hindu practice, but seems to begin at the time of Islamic invaders. The conquering Muslims would invade kingdoms and ask for two things: 1) the temples; and 2) the women. Credit given to these women, they took their lives as opposed to serving a foreign family and a foreign god. Nonetheless, the painful tradition carried on due to harsh patriarchal influences. In the ancient stories, Shiva is the original masculine. Defined in the ancient tantras as "awareness", Shiva is the bridge between the Para-Brahman "non-awareness" reality, and the material world of samsara. His consort is Shakti, the energy which creates the fabric of space and time for the material world to exist. She is defined in the ancient tantras as "witness" as she is the ability to create linearity and thus, our story-line. From Shakti is the Universe/World created. Because the Universe is her offspring, she also had to dive-in with her children and get lost in samsara, for the sake of saving her children.
Against her father's wishes, Sati comes across Shiva and is completely enamored, I mean love-struck. From here we get the story of Sati's emotional battle between her romantic appeal Shiva and her father Daksha. With Daksha, she is to be the proper daughter as propagated by Brahmanic culture. With Shiva, to be with Shiva, she is to move beyond the cultural norms to recognize her true potential as Shakti, which may includes anti-Brahmanic practices including the panchamakarmas. Nonetheless, to recognize her essence as Shakti, she needed to move beyond the ego identity. However, Sati's situation was too dense where, because of her father's opposition to Shiva, she sacrificed her ego-identity with her inner-fire. Hence, to liberate herself she realized that her ego-identity must be subdued, which would have caused numerous cultural difficulties being the daughter of the propagated of the first three Vedas. She can be either of the world (ego) and provide cultural governance, or she can be the infinite (Self) recognizing that one too must be liberated from the world, from culture.
I started the practice of identifying with "awareness", or Self-Realization back around January 2014. Before that, I realize now, my reactions and decisions to life were based solely around ego-identity. These decisions are based on external belief systems as opposed to following a resonance, or intuitive impulse. By engaging in "awareness'' you tap out of the ego-identity to get a short-break from the maya story-line that is your life. In that break, you tap into the infinite, source. From here, we're capable of directing source energy to find our correct resonance for law of attraction manifestation. Basically, as holding the gifts of the original creator (shiva-awareness-self realization), you have the power to manifest your life (shakti-witness-nature/prakriti realization). My life completely shifted around the early years of 2014, with the end of a 7+ year relationship that identified with my ego-identity in my pursuit of what I believed I was supposed to be doing under societies limiting definitions. It was to find the good wife, the good job that will hopefully make the rat race quicker and further inflate my ego, raise some kids, hopefully have some fun on the way, then die. In using my imagination to find what would bring me happiness, boy was my ego fooling myself. I need to be unrestrained and free to create as I see fit, something I'm still trying to figure out in this corporate/capitalist structure, but passionate about finding. My conscious thinking has completely changed since beginning these practices. It's like I'm my own psychoanalyst now, dissecting and clearing thought-patterns. As an example, in using my imagination to find the perfect partner, I emotionally engaged in numerous settings with different types of women from all walks of life. What type of personality would I enjoy the most? What type of sensual expressions would I enjoy the most? What type of intellect would I enjoy the most? What type of adventures would I enjoy the most? What type of physical features would I enjoy the most? Basically, what I was consciously attempting to craft was, what I think would be my perfect woman, a desire to end all other desires. My original goal was to completely eliminate this desire, to transcend, to recognize that all is sourced from within. But, this inclination won't go away leaving me heart-sick, especially during astrological retrograde seasons. SoIn using my imagination to conjure who she would be, I found numerous psychological obstacles. First came fear with the belief arising that she may not exist, or would rather choose someone else. That then led to depression. From the depths of depression, that's when I had to disengage into "awareness" and attempt to move out and into psychoanalyst mode. In the darker thought-emotions, I began to remember the law of attraction. Under these teachings, if I can imagine her, I can manifest her. So I pulled myself back into psychically attempting to feel what it would be like to be with such a female and succeeded. Then came a significant drop in my sense of self-worth. My ideal feminine, what if I'm unworthy of her? This was more difficult, back into harsher depression, then again remembering law of attraction, and then engaging the inner psychoanalyst to challenge self-worth beliefs. I needed to move energetically-emotionally into the position of being perfect and the highest ideal for her also. Though it took some effort, I managed to fully engage in the emotion of what it feels like to be with my perfect co-creator and blissfully relax into that emotion. So she has unfolded within. She is my soul/spirit/breathe-mate bridged in matter.
My last teacher and liberator made manifest in duality. My last drop of nectar before liberation. My key to enter home. My Vajrayogini. Back in early 2014, when I felt that life was basically a "wall" for me, I met with a Vedic Astrologer in an attempt to get a glimpse of anything beyond that "wall". As I'm sure for all us, there is always something beyond the wall, but knowing it provides some hope when you feel like throwing in the towel. One question that I had asked was rather intense, and I didn't know that it would lead me in a particular route. I had asked what was the purpose of all my spiritual practices? I've had a passion for the esoteric mysteries since boyhood, but started to feel like it was an entertainment-hobby. In other words, what are the fruits of this labor? I didn't really believe in the "do this and that" and you'll get to heaven dribble, provided that, for me, that sounds like an outright attempt to control/dominate someone. The astrologer had simply responded to my spiritual question with simply more information about myself, my intuitive abilities, etc. I was left thinking to myself that he didn't answer my question. However, I realize I wasn't ready for the answer, which was really a deep philosophical question that was to unfold for me as opposed to be outright told. Sans any external permission-slip, when I'm ready, the answers will unfold. To really get the grasp of my current understanding, I needed to psychologically depose myself and my beliefs/thoughts connected with my emotional body. Though they're teachers that express this process as unnecessary, it is nonetheless what I painfully went/going through. To really separate myself, my awareness from the story-identity-ego, is really being your own psychoanalyst trying to figure out why I believe in my short-comings. Going though this is to dive into your shadow side and face your demons. Where it seems that every other pre-2014 teaching I had come across and practiced was geared towards an outward divinity, usually one with it's own ego-identity story, to help with my life, I began moving more into going within. Inside I found emotional memories (blockages/binds/attachments) that seemed to manifest my personal limitations. I can no longer find where I discovered this interpretation, however, I like seeing religion defined as re-legion, where the many become one. Through the sanskrit word yoga, we have the word yoke, meaning to bind. Spirituality seems to be best defined as dealing with spirit. So, within the symbolism of our metaphysics, we're given a glimpse of the answer that I was seeking. Through these symbols we find the aim of religion and yoga is to make an individual whole and complete, which I believe is the merge between spirit and matter originally found within the symbol of the equilateral cross. This is the merge between the Higher Self (spirit) and Ego-Identity-Story (matter/maya/samsara). To bridge the gap between spirit and matter is my aim whenever I take part in religious, yogic, spiritual practices. It is powerful to simply be in the "intent" of making that one's goal, as I do believe the universe hears through the law of attraction. The heavens of the astral plane, or celestial-abode, that form-worshipers seek to attain is still within the illusion, maya, as described by yogis. Though such abodes are excellent heights to aim for, and I'm not here to deter anyone as I would love to make such pit-stops myself, but I seek the truth of myself/Self. Moreover, I prefer the idea of the many attempting deep inner practices (yoga) and coming together to discuss our findings (religion) to better understand the nature of Spirit (spirituality). Now, I really can't identify myself, my identity-story, with the person that I was pre-2014. Any memory of those times that come up, seem to come up to be cleared. I'll use NLP, or just imagine my present self sending love to that self in that memory, if need be. That seems easier then dissecting and judging (seeking the truth, not punishing) that former aspect of myself. Overall, the emotion just needs to be cleared.
As I see it as I continue on my hero's journey, my goal is to continue to further myself to my Self. To unfold and unravel that which has limited me from reaching my true potential and accept the truth of myself. To bridge the gap of understanding and experiencing unlimited possibilities. To gain knowledge and experience wisdom. To come closer to the inner love and light within. Enlightenment. Reaching this full expression of Spirit, I hope to be liberated from all my limitations. I think that's a way we can bridge the gap between: spirit-matter; brahman-brahma (kether-malkuth); atman-atom; and A'tem (Egypts first realized man)-Adam (Hebrews first man). It's our birthright, to face crucifixion on the equilateral cross. In essence, all seeking and knowledge is a result of duality. Duality is merely the illusory fabric of creation for which we play our roles (dual; creation). Provided that all within the illusion is still an illusion (maya), a product of samsara, all knowledge, though attempting to get you closer to the truth, is in essence a falsehood. Knowledge is merely a thought, and the goal is Gnowledge. Hence, the "Book of Lies".
I've often stated that I like the way the ancient Egyptians called their deities, Neters. From Neter we have derived the word "nature". Another words, a particular deity would be the "nature" of an aspect of the infinite one. As an example, Hathor would represent the abundance, prosperity, and love aspect of the infinite one, just like the Devi Lakshmi in Hinduism. Astrologically, Hathor and Lakshmi would be the archetypal planetary Venus. In essence, she is a certain aspect, a particular "nature" of the infinite one. In Hinduism, there is a particular Sanskrit term that is often portrayed with Goddess energy, Prakriti. Prakriti means "nature" and is also where the English term "practical" has its roots in the Indo-European languages. To act as "practical" is to act as the way one normally would, to act "naturally". Therefore, to put God into practical terms, we are basically using permission slips (deities) to tap into certain aspects of the infinite one. For the infinite one, it is "natural" to be abundant, prosperous, and loving within the unlimited vast expanse. Hence, in using these archetypes, we are essentially attempting to return to the "natural" way of thinking and doing. We attempt to embody the creative aspects of Brahma, the proper management of creation through Vishnu, and the ability to transcend our creation (illusion/delusion) with Shiva, and obtain knowledge through such experience with Shiva's consort Kali (Mahavidya; Wisdom Goddesses) who cleans us of our delusions. In Vedic philosophy, one is self-illuminated by the Atman, or the Spirit (Self). To take a step further, the ultimate reality is Brahman for which each sentient being seeks. The difference between Atman and Brahman is the difference between the air inside of a jar and the air surrounding the jar. Hence, in understanding the Self and each deity mainly as a permeation of the Self, the deities of our pantheons become the inner psyche for which we attempt to embody, to act in a "practical" way that would be "natural" for the infinite one.
Mediation Experience: I went in for my nightly meditation post drafting my prior post on how the "Enlightened" do not worship "mundane" deities. Under my meditation, I noticed my ego-identity didn't take kindly to the idea of leaving Krishna (Vishnu) and Shiva. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be able to fully in this ego-identity. As I am further mediating, attempting to switch from "I Am" body presence-awareness to "I" surrounding-presence awareness, to "Emptiness" non-awareness, running my channels, and moving my feeling sensation from body-feeling to attempting to feel the empty-space surrounding each of my atoms, I tried to end up thought-free but messages kept coming through. (My own or beyond, I don't know?). Nonetheless, I had to write thereafter. Brahma/Generator: Do not be fully satisfied with creation where you may mistake it as perfection and stop creating, that is why Brahma as creator is not worshiped. Brahma is your root and sacral chakra, which are associated with metaphorically grounding and creating within fertile soil. Transcending Brahma would be to recognize my own ability to manifest properly through my lower chakras. Such would be the law of attraction teachings, which I'm going to call "Nature-Realization" because it is recognizing the laws of nature (Vedas). (Other teachers call it "Law of Attraction" or "Self-Actualization). The Buddha said "thoughts create reality". So this would be the First Jewel of Buddhism, keeping the company of good thought. SANGHA. Mastery over Brahma. Vishnu (Krishna)/Operator: Vishnu is the "Higher Self" and "Krishna" is the avatar of that "Higher Self. Vishnu is properly managing what has been created by Brahma. Transcending Vishnu (Krishna) would be to love all creation. Vishnu is the solar plexus and the heart chakra. The solar plexus is our "free-will" to make choices, so such choices should be made from the heart, as in compassionate. Follow Krishna's playful example. The spoken word of Krishna in the Bhagavad-Gita describe most eloquently the Second Jewel of Buddhism in following one's own heart as "divine will". DHARMA. Mastery over Vishnu. Shiva/Destroyer: Shiva is the ability to transcend a situation. To transcend is to destroy a prior concept by simply moving beyond it. Shiva was the most difficult for me provided he is my favorite masculine archetype. Nonetheless, in meditation, I sensed ..."what do you think I represent, you're suppose to transcend me". The feeling was of a great congratulations and feeling of significant release. Under the tradition of Shiva (Saivite), yogis do not worship Shiva in form (Hari; Name given to Vishnu) but as the formless (Hara) symbolized as the Lingam. Moreover, recognizing Shiva as myself, as "awareness" seems to be the gist of yogic (unification) philosophy/experiential meditation. Another words, I am these archetypes and I need to be "aware" of that. I am Brahma (Generator), I am Vishnu (Operator), and I am Shiva (Destroyer). G-O-D. To accept that I am G-O-D, is a crazy pill to swallow and one my ego-identity needs to resolve. However, as the teachings of tantra describe, in identifying as "Awareness" you're identifying yourself as the "Higher Self". The "Higher Self" (Turya) according to the Siva Sutras is the master of being "aware" during three "witnessing" states of consciousness: 1) Waking; 2) Sleep; 3) Deep Sleep. In Advaita Vedanta, Shiva is "Awareness" and Shakti is "Witness". The dance between Awareness-Witness, God-Goddess, Yin-Yang, Masculine-Feminine, Divine Will-Divine Love, we seek to find a balance, harmony. This would be the Third Jewel of Buddhism. Like the Tao, words cannot truly describe, enlightenment. BUDDHA. Mastery over Shiva. As a "witness", mastery over "awareness". Realization of Self and Nature. Conclude:
For transcendence: I take refuge in the Three Jewels. SANGHA. DHARMA. and BUDDHA. (P.S. My definitions of the "Three Jewels" are different from main stream.) |
AuthorOverly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil. "It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions Archives
August 2019
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