Diwali night, October, 30, 2016, I left my night time meditation to sleep telling myself, "holy shit, you've just got a massive upgrade". I was left in awe and the knowing that nothing will be the same. I know my meditation has been more expansive, but to bridge the two worlds, of the seen with the unseen, it appears to be a pioneering experience for me.
It's Diwali, we have the abundant materialist Lakshmi who is honored and praised in this tradition, to attract the fortunes available in the new year. As a devotee of Kali, I would like to transcend such attachments, but realizing her manifestations as Sodashi, or Kamala, the wisdom of the universe is beautifully abundantly there for our enjoyment. Nonetheless, after leaving the parental households of numerous relatives all paying homage to Lakshmi, I returned home to meditate holding a copper blessed yantra dedicated to the Mahavidyas, including the Lakshmi twin Kamala.
Immediately drawn within with the help of my guides, my channels are flowing, and my mind is tied to the mantra vibrating from my third-eye as the vibrations echo through my body. As I pause to move into a state of being of no-thought to feel the connection between my crown and to a place beyond creation, I'm immediately slammed into a wave that forces my body to convulse. Lingering here, I'm immediately noticing the subtle sounds of my surroundings with no mental interpretations. My inner body is clear which can only be described as oxygen entering into new areas of my body, from my lower pubic area to my forehead. My skull is struggling to hold the energy within my head, as my body is stretching, spine cracking, muscles releasing, the only thing I can do is to relax into myself. As anxiety and stress is flushed down my grounding cord from my root chakra to the center of the Earth, I finally feel like myself, unbound by the external worlds wants and demands.
In my own psyche, I needed to forgive the worst of the worst, but first I needed to realize who that may be for myself. If Showtimes "Dexter" taught me anything, it was to enter the mind of a feeling-less sociopath and see life through a serial killer's perspective. "Dexter" is a show that leaves you supporting the serial killer, who becomes somewhat relate-able as a good-guy character as he targets hard-criminals as a way to manage his "dark passenger". So typical murders may not be so bad for me, I wanted to realize who really I think is unforgivable. I realized, that it would be anyone who does something to criminally harm children. In embodying the Christ energy, I needed to ask myself the more difficult question, "what if I did something this heinous in a past life?". As the panic attack developed at this sheer idea, I realized I needed to heal those aspects of me.
In remembering the love of Christ, I felt his pain and humiliation on the Cross as I looked out at the shouting audience wishing his ultimate demise. As a God, I assumed Jesus could easily detach from his pain, the way yogis and taoists detach from their senses. Jesus could have been completely detached, the way we go into no-mind under meditation or hypnosis, but he remained present to experience the pain for the benefit of his accusatory viewers.
I asked myself, how would Christ's suffering benefit his viewers? Immediately I was in the position of shouting profanities and the worst hells upon a fragile tearful figure spread out on the Cross. In that fury, I heard the Christ mumble, "Father forgive them". In that glow, I realized despite what I did to what appeared to me to be another flawed human being, that figure still loved me enough to have asked to have me forgiven.
All the while moving through this, the mantra to Goddess Kali was being vibrated and echoed through my inner caverns. The worst of the worst all have one thing in common, fear. They work from a place of fear, instill fear, and find power through fear. The Goddess Kali has always been portrayed in a very fearful aspect, one that is suited to Halloween, which was the following day of October 31, 2016. In attempting to unite with Her, in her fearful form, I realized my own fears in doing so. In other words, She was my Goddess of Fear. In helping me with my fears and bridging love into parts of me I deem unforgivable, I needed to fall in love with the Goddess of Fear. The one thing more fearful than being a victim of heinous criminal acts would be to commit the heinous criminal act. But we need to recognize the wisdom of those circumstances, such as the wisdom gained from the act of the Christ Crucifixion, which is to completely love and forgive others and our own selves.
Thereafter, the meditation concluded by seeing myself seated in lotus position in the center of an ancient court surrounded by the 10 Mahavidyas, all showering their blessings on me. However, it's not that we were separate, but we were all one. I could feel them outside me as I get to admire them, but I also felt them inside me, as me. As Tara I would feel fierce, as Sodashi I would be a teenage girl ready to rebel and forge my way into adulthood, as Chinnamasta I would feel balanced within, and so forth.
The ancient teaching spoke of the unification between the opposites. Not of the good and evil variety, but of positive and negative magnetic forces, of the masculine with the feminine, the yang with yin, the lingam with the yoni, Shiva with Shakti. Within that balance flows harmony, Ananda, the Tao. Within our subtle body lies the ida (feminine) and pingala (masuline) nadi's, energetic channels that separate and combine with each chakra point leading to the third eye. Our third eye is positioned centered between the hemisphere's of our brain, that would be our masculine logical left brain and our feminine creative right brain. Here, we meet the balance of our polar opposites, where we meet ourSelf that feels like a rush flooding downwards through the crown chakra, redoing, remapping, reprogramming everything that we thought ourselves to be. It's where we deconstruct the paradigm instilled within us from being engaged with our senses, and meet something that has been lingering within us beyond our mental facilities.
The divine couple is Shiva and Shakti, the magnetic attraction between the positive and negative electrical charge within us that our ego-identity has forgotten and has accidentally attempted to separate. Not only has the divine couple manifested itself externally through magnetic forces, through animalistic attraction, through our ancient stories of divine couples, but also through our own psychology as further articulated in the ancient traditions of Shiva and Shakti.
Shiva is defined as prakasha, or the light of consciousness. In other words, Shiva is the psychological ability to be "aware". Awareness is mental virginity, or Kumari, the ability to be simply "aware" unstained from any thought-constructs, which include ideas, opinions, beliefs, formulations, etc. Awareness is to be in the complete state of Now, fully present to your experience without clouding it with any ideas and perspectives. To be fully present, is to be able to engage with what you perceive from a completely fresh perspective. To be fully present with everything occurring externally and emotionally internally, we recognize our existence (sat) within the universe. Shiva is our ability to perceive (chit) within the universe.
Shakti is defined as Mahamaya, or the grand illusion, which is, all that which is perceived. Hence, she is the Mother of our universe. Our universe is created through matrika (term used to identify Sanskrit), or motherly vibrations that creates and destroys universes. Everything is energy, where energy is simply mass multiplied by the speed of light squared (E=m c2) . In other words, that which we perceive, mass, is simple energy divided by the speed of light squared (E/c2 = m). It's because of this energy, this shakti, this prana/chi, the way she moves and vibrates through space-time that we have the Universe and all within it which we perceive.
In the Tripura Rahasaya: Secrets of The Supreme Goddess, Shiva is defined as "awareness" and Shakti is defined as "witness". Shiva is our ability to perceive, where Shakti gives us something to perceive, including our faculties of perception. One is the light of consciousness where the other is the vibration of consciousness, for the two are actually one. To worship a divinity is to bring oneself closer to that divinity through what we call love, hence, our concepts of bhakti, devotion, etc. To worship Shiva-Shakti, is to understand and bring oneself closer to understanding our own abilities of being "aware" and "witnessing" the universe, to bring devotion/bhakti/love to that which we perceive as well as our ability to perceive.
In worshiping Shiva, embody the Mother of the Universe and attract the attention of Shiva for She is constantly trying to attract our attention with her Illusion. In worshiping Shakti, embody Shiva, the ability to be aware and fall in love with the present moment that the Illusion has provided you. For isn't this what we are, a psychological dance between our mental/sensory faculties and things that we perceive. Isn't that what it means to be the divine couple internally, to fuse the opposite mental faculties within us, and engage our paradigm from a higher perspective, one with cosmic awareness and cosmic creative abilities. Isn't this accomplished through what we call divine love?
To unite Shiva with Shakti is part of the tradition that believes in romance of the divine couple. To understand the romance that we ourselves create with that which we perceive. It's the ability to be at an emotionally vibratory state of complete love and completion within. It's the sensation of fulfillment, where nothing more is required. It's to realize that you are the Dance of the Universe occurring within the Universe.
I started the practice of identifying with "awareness", or Self-Realization back around January 2014. Before that, I realize now, my reactions and decisions to life were based solely around ego-identity. These decisions are based on external belief systems as opposed to following a resonance, or intuitive impulse. By engaging in "awareness'' you tap out of the ego-identity to get a short-break from the maya story-line that is your life. In that break, you tap into the infinite, source. From here, we're capable of directing source energy to find our correct resonance for law of attraction manifestation. Basically, as holding the gifts of the original creator (shiva-awareness-self realization), you have the power to manifest your life (shakti-witness-nature/prakriti realization).
My life completely shifted around the early years of 2014, with the end of a 7+ year relationship that identified with my ego-identity in my pursuit of what I believed I was supposed to be doing under societies limiting definitions. It was to find the good wife, the good job that will hopefully make the rat race quicker and further inflate my ego, raise some kids, hopefully have some fun on the way, then die. In using my imagination to find what would bring me happiness, boy was my ego fooling myself. I need to be unrestrained and free to create as I see fit, something I'm still trying to figure out in this corporate/capitalist structure, but passionate about finding.
My conscious thinking has completely changed since beginning these practices. It's like I'm my own psychoanalyst now, dissecting and clearing thought-patterns. As an example, in using my imagination to find the perfect partner, I emotionally engaged in numerous settings with different types of women from all walks of life. What type of personality would I enjoy the most? What type of sensual expressions would I enjoy the most? What type of intellect would I enjoy the most? What type of adventures would I enjoy the most? What type of physical features would I enjoy the most? Basically, what I was consciously attempting to craft was, what I think would be my perfect woman, a desire to end all other desires. My original goal was to completely eliminate this desire, to transcend, to recognize that all is sourced from within. But, this inclination won't go away leaving me heart-sick, especially during astrological retrograde seasons.
SoIn using my imagination to conjure who she would be, I found numerous psychological obstacles. First came fear with the belief arising that she may not exist, or would rather choose someone else. That then led to depression. From the depths of depression, that's when I had to disengage into "awareness" and attempt to move out and into psychoanalyst mode. In the darker thought-emotions, I began to remember the law of attraction. Under these teachings, if I can imagine her, I can manifest her. So I pulled myself back into psychically attempting to feel what it would be like to be with such a female and succeeded. Then came a significant drop in my sense of self-worth. My ideal feminine, what if I'm unworthy of her? This was more difficult, back into harsher depression, then again remembering law of attraction, and then engaging the inner psychoanalyst to challenge self-worth beliefs. I needed to move energetically-emotionally into the position of being perfect and the highest ideal for her also. Though it took some effort, I managed to fully engage in the emotion of what it feels like to be with my perfect co-creator and blissfully relax into that emotion. So she has unfolded within.
She is my soul/spirit/breathe-mate bridged in matter.
My last teacher and liberator made manifest in duality.
My last drop of nectar before liberation.
My key to enter home.
I went in for my nightly meditation post drafting my prior post on how the "Enlightened" do not worship "mundane" deities. Under my meditation, I noticed my ego-identity didn't take kindly to the idea of leaving Krishna (Vishnu) and Shiva. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be able to fully in this ego-identity.
As I am further mediating, attempting to switch from "I Am" body presence-awareness to "I" surrounding-presence awareness, to "Emptiness" non-awareness, running my channels, and moving my feeling sensation from body-feeling to attempting to feel the empty-space surrounding each of my atoms, I tried to end up thought-free but messages kept coming through. (My own or beyond, I don't know?). Nonetheless, I had to write thereafter.
Do not be fully satisfied with creation where you may mistake it as perfection and stop creating, that is why Brahma as creator is not worshiped. Brahma is your root and sacral chakra, which are associated with metaphorically grounding and creating within fertile soil. Transcending Brahma would be to recognize my own ability to manifest properly through my lower chakras. Such would be the law of attraction teachings, which I'm going to call "Nature-Realization" because it is recognizing the laws of nature (Vedas). (Other teachers call it "Law of Attraction" or "Self-Actualization).
The Buddha said "thoughts create reality". So this would be the First Jewel of Buddhism, keeping the company of good thought. SANGHA. Mastery over Brahma.
Vishnu is the "Higher Self" and "Krishna" is the avatar of that "Higher Self. Vishnu is properly managing what has been created by Brahma. Transcending Vishnu (Krishna) would be to love all creation. Vishnu is the solar plexus and the heart chakra. The solar plexus is our "free-will" to make choices, so such choices should be made from the heart, as in compassionate. Follow Krishna's playful example.
The spoken word of Krishna in the Bhagavad-Gita describe most eloquently the Second Jewel of Buddhism in following one's own heart as "divine will". DHARMA. Mastery over Vishnu.
Shiva is the ability to transcend a situation. To transcend is to destroy a prior concept by simply moving beyond it. Shiva was the most difficult for me provided he is my favorite masculine archetype. Nonetheless, in meditation, I sensed ..."what do you think I represent, you're suppose to transcend me". The feeling was of a great congratulations and feeling of significant release.
Under the tradition of Shiva (Saivite), yogis do not worship Shiva in form (Hari; Name given to Vishnu) but as the formless (Hara) symbolized as the Lingam. Moreover, recognizing Shiva as myself, as "awareness" seems to be the gist of yogic (unification) philosophy/experiential meditation. Another words, I am these archetypes and I need to be "aware" of that. I am Brahma (Generator), I am Vishnu (Operator), and I am Shiva (Destroyer). G-O-D.
To accept that I am G-O-D, is a crazy pill to swallow and one my ego-identity needs to resolve. However, as the teachings of tantra describe, in identifying as "Awareness" you're identifying yourself as the "Higher Self". The "Higher Self" (Turya) according to the Siva Sutras is the master of being "aware" during three "witnessing" states of consciousness: 1) Waking; 2) Sleep; 3) Deep Sleep.
In Advaita Vedanta, Shiva is "Awareness" and Shakti is "Witness". The dance between Awareness-Witness, God-Goddess, Yin-Yang, Masculine-Feminine, Divine Will-Divine Love, we seek to find a balance, harmony.
This would be the Third Jewel of Buddhism. Like the Tao, words cannot truly describe, enlightenment. BUDDHA. Mastery over Shiva. As a "witness", mastery over "awareness". Realization of Self and Nature.
For transcendence: I take refuge in the Three Jewels. SANGHA. DHARMA. and BUDDHA.
(P.S. My definitions of the "Three Jewels" are different from main stream.)
Since my elementary days, getting behind the whole guru worship was awkward, particularly if I did not know much of a certain guru. In the Eastern traditions, guru worship, or obeisance, is very common and often extends to unknown individuals who hold a certain status'. Such courtesy is usually bestowed to religious individuals, elders, ancestors, etc. It took no thought to bow before entities that dominate our religious traditions, but I took pains in having to bow before gurus which I knew nothing of other than that they were wearing particular garments associated with monks, etc.. Overall, it appeared to be tradition over spirituality at the time.
As an example, my family has occasionally attended the Swaminarayan temple, and I remember one particular event in attending the London temple. Behind the altar piece, which I assume was the Hindu entity Krishna, was another room filled with the busts of unfamiliar gurus, for which my family one by one lined up and bowed before. I remember asking my elder if he knew who these individuals were, for which he responded as they are "gurus" as he continued to bow before each bust. Flash forward a decade, my family will occasionally visit the recently constructed Southern California location due to its magnificent structure. To my surprise, the center piece was not Krishna or anyone familiar from the ancient stories (puranas), but it was their guru, Swaminarayan. In comparison, the Hare Krishnas place the statue of their guru, Swami Prabhupada, at the foot of Krishna closer to the audience, but the Swaminaryan temple placed their guru at the center. I'm not one to criticize due to my ignorance of the sect, but I do feel in order to heart-fully bestow my obeisance, the figure should first be a "guru" unto my own intellect, which he probably has been for so many people to bestow him that honor.
The word guru is actually two (2) sanskrit words, "gu" and "ru". "Ru" is familiar if you know the story of Ru-dra aka Shiva, the cosmic aspect of destruction. Hence, "ru" means destruction. "Gu" means ignorance. Hence, in order for an individual, or an experience, or a train of thought to be a "guru", it must destroy the illusion of ignorance. With this understanding, guru worship makes more sense where we are simply paying respects to those who help enlighten our intellect. However, the obeisance was still difficult for me, where much of it in the Eastern spiritual traditions seem to revolve around a form of submissiveness. What's even more difficult is when viewing certain sects as completely submissive to their guru, where all other information outside their circle is simply negated in favor of their alleged guru. Such is counter to "guru" in the sense of dispelling ignorance. More simply put, there seems to be plenty of occasions where "guru" worship is more akin to "ego" worship.
Don't get me wrong, I have my pantheon of gurus. However, my obeisance stems form the brilliance they have shined into my intellect. I also have past gurus who I still honor as simply stepping stones to clearing the cloud of my mind, though I may not return to their teachings. However, the intellectual battle between when a teacher is an actual guru or uses that status to accentuate ego was ongoing. I have continually played with this idea in viewing Nithyanandaji who, although brilliant and dispels ignorance, can be seen wearing gold jewelry, seated on a golden throne, and even found as a golden statue within his temples. Nonetheless, my battle with such glamour was dispelled with the philosophy of Advaita Vedanta.
More so than any other philosophy that I have divulged, Advaita Vedanata is designed for you to experience the oneness, the God/Goddess within, the sat/chit/ananda (existence/consciousness/bliss). As the great guru Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj would state regarding the worship of deities, is simply where do these deities go when we pass on, do they not dissolve into the illusion that we are witnessing? What is truth is simply pure consciousness, it is the one aspect of our illusion that doesn't change, the aspect of ourselves that simply witnesses without attachment to ideas or beliefs. It is the "I Am" without the "That". Provided that we are all One and part of the infinite expanse known as Brahaman and beyond, guru worship, deity worship, or any form of worship is simply consciousness worshiping consciousness.
In Hinduism, we greet each other with Namaste, or "my higher self bows and honors your higher self". In Mayan, the greeting was In'Lakesh, or "you are another me" or simply that we are all mirrors of each other. In Tibetan Buddhism, particularly the enlightenment teachings of Padmasambhava it is pivotal to recognize everything as simply mirroring yourself, and hence, must love unconditionally. Therefore, my favorite teachers are typically ones that recognize this concept and consider themselves as "catalysts" or "permission slips" to allow us to recognize what we've always really known. These gurus understand that they are simply mirrors reflecting back to us.
Though Nithyanandaji may display himself with some flare, he continually acknowledges Shivoham, meaning "I Am Shiva" and further elaborates "You Are Shiva". In mentally dissecting his style, I've realized that he is simply playing a role within a tradition in order to bestow his knowledge to a particular audience that is ancestrally rooted in guru worship. With the knowledge that we are simply "consciousness worshiping consciousness", that our gurus are simply "permission slips" for us to acknowledge greater truths about ourselves, it is good to see guru worship is alive and well.
I was recently asked if there were any supplements to awaken the third eye. The third eye composed of the pineal gland and pituitary, there is some information out there on the web. However, I'm not sure that there is a supplement to fully awaken the third eye, a quick fix that is the custom in the West. I feel that we're all going through the awakening process. Apparently we're ascending into the 5th dimension, as discussed by new agers, astrologers, and channelers. The planets are doing some major pulls (Grahas) to get us where we need to be, and the Sun quite possibly charging up our DNA. But, imagine a simple pill to awakening your third eye. Like in the Matrix, you can either take the red pill or the blue pill. One keeps you in the illusion, the other may awaken you to your own personal Neo (Higher Self?).
Even before we get to the pineal gland, we should look at our other chakras. Actually, we need to learn to feel our chakras first. Well, at least that was needed for me. If we're going to take an active approach to "enlightenment" as opposed to going with the pull of our cosmos, there may be quite a bit of ego/karmic work that we need to do or release. There may be an easier, simpler solution. However, my love for the ancients has me searching their footprints and diving into their obstacles. As their memories are programmed into our DNA, our Ancestors are our biggest supporters in releasing our shared attachments. Of course, I will take a simpler route if found. But in the mean time, where do we begin?
Now, I'm not claiming to be enlightened like the masters, but sharing information has triggered some interest. I mean that's what we all should be doing, sharing our stories and experiences and helping one another ascend! So maybe I can put my two cents on the global web and at least it will be a historical anchor point to pinpoint my presence in this ever present moment.
As I dived into health/fitness back in 2013, I began taking fiber to help digest the protein shakes and whatever cheat meal I would constantly indulge. As I found, just a few grams of fiber (3-5 grams) can make a significant difference. Higher fiber intake, like 10 grams, is miracle poop. Yes, I said "miracle poop". Interesting to note is that I found Yang Jwing-Ming's work through fitness guru Eliott Hulse, the "breathe into your balls" guy. So even with studying fitness, spirituality was synchronistic-ally still smacking me in the face. Anyways, I thought fiber would become an everyday supplement, since I wasn't trying to go back to the olden ways of defecating. But as we consistently search, what we search for is consitently searching for us as well, via way of law of attraction.
Of all the vital organs in the body, the one that suffers the most abuse from modern dietary habits is the colon. Our colons were intended by nature to function as smoothly flowing sewer systems, in order to promptly flush digestive wastes from the body. Instead, they have become stagnant cesspools, the physiological equivalent to a festering pile of uncollected garbage or a broken toilet that continues to be used for defecation. The average American male colon today carries within it about 5 pounds of putrid, half-digested red meat, plus another 5-10 pounds of foul toxic waste impacted for years in the folds of the colon with mucus. -Daniel P. Reid, The Tao of Health, Sex, & Longevity.
Hence, before we even get to the third eye, detoxing may be best. An open third eye can lead to fear without a proper self cleansing. I've found that our attachments (Karma: things that psychologically/emotionally poke us), are embedded in our chakras, mostly in our lower ones. Moreover, macabre entities are usually depicted as parasites feeding off of our destructive emotions. Do we really want to see all of this after opening our third eye? I'd know I'd crap my pants seeing some gruesome beings, if I wasn't on Triphala.
Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions