My Introduction to the Self-Decapitating Goddess; Ma Chinnamasta

I take a few breaths, hold my mind steady, check that I'm grounded and my channels are wonderfully flowing, grip my Chinese Tektite, and let the mantra to Ma Chinnamasta reverberate. For the past few weeks, I've been switching to between Tara and Chinnamasta, with first checking in with Ma Kali. It's interesting to note the way each mantra feels differently, after allowing the body to release any tension that a mantra may trigger. Ma Kali just feels like love at first sight, that's what she has evolved into for me. While others may feel some fierce black heavy metal dissonance with her, for me, her mantra holds no triggers and goes straight for my childish heart. 

Chinnamasta on the other hand, because I'm fairly new to her essence, I didn't know what to expect or how I would be internally triggered. Allowing her mantra to reverberate throughout my 12 chakra system, beginning from bottom upwards, I dissolved into her being one fateful night. Not knowing what was to come, along with the inability to actually imagine her as a real being given that she is decapitated, I thought I wasn't going to be able to experience her. She seemed unreal, like who goes around walking without a head. Hell, if it wasn't for Ma Kali, I'm not sure I would even invoke such a being out of fear. Not sure if it was due to my work with Ma Kali, but unlike Ma Kali and Ma Tara, Chinnamasta did not hold that terrifyingly terrific passionate flare. Actually, she may have, I could be just simply accustomed to it and look forward to the fiery spinal thrusts of dissolving my atomic structure. 

Going up my chakras and allowing the seeds of mantra to expand my inner feeling, I wasn't expecting to see much but rather just linger in the intensity. However, once at the throat chakra, where judgment resides in search for the truth, I noticed that my head wasn't quite attached. In fact, my head was resting tilted upwards on my hands with my outstretched arm as if decapitated, with my mouth gaping wide open filling with Sushumna nectar. Moreover, I didn't just have one head, I had three, with my two other heads similarly placed in what I assumed to be my many arms. Similarly, the two heads drank of the Ida and Pingala Nadi's, the feminine and masculine psyche. At this point, I'm focusing on my head, which is quite not attached to my body, where I'm aware of the Kundalini flows into my three mouths. Not wanting my body to be left behind with the spiritual experience, I noticed that I held the ability to reverse the flow, where the channels would flow out of my mouth with a rush downwards into my body.  

Moving into my crown, and into what could be higher with four remaining chakras above, I allowed my body to internally adjust itself, particularly in the cranial cavity where the right hemisphere (left side of the body) needed to relax and match the right hemisphere (left side of the body). Once balanced, I felt whole and complete within myself. No where left to run to with all my spiritual practices, no more mantras or other permission slips, just fully relaxed in either the sensation of holding infinity or within my own ego-self, it didn't matter what I chose as it was all perfect. It was my self-sacrifice that allowed my ego-self to surrender, but it was a surrender filled with the sensation of strength.  Further, by seeing myself from the decapitated heads peering at my animal body, such only added credence to the idea that consciousness is not tied to the body, that what we deem to be our spirit is only awareness. 

Again, I knew not what to expect and sure wasn't thinking I'd morph into this sensational experience. I guess I assumed there would be messages, but then what would a decapitated Goddess say? That won't stop me from trying, but at least I now feel she's willing to assist me. I may be pursuing her out of sheer curiosity, feeling safe guarded with Ma Kali's blessings. But I can't quite feel the emotional heart chakra expansion with her in comparison with Ma Kali. However, I can't feel that love with Ma Tara yet either. Nonetheless, I'll accept her wonderful blessing of a balanced healing knowing that it's all leading towards a bigger picture, one that I cannot currently fathom.