I Am A'Tem
Mind you, this post is significantly from my shadow side. I'm seeking to integrate all that is within me, so there will be cursing (I'm not someone who normally curses). Moreover, I'm purging with the assistance of planetary shifts, and Donald Trump (and protestors) were at a convention just a few blocks from my home, definitely chaotic energy.
I'm going through an intense process. Yep, this one's another journal piece. I'm fighting my inner demons is what seems, or actually, I'm having a chemical shit storm with them. Anyways, lets dance the dance. (Warning; this one may not be for you shiny ones).
Thank the dogs, there's nothing like some heavy fucking metal to not just cope, but explore the darker depths. To passionately purge the demiurge. I'm a "rainbow in the dark", listening to the sound of the "monstrance clock".
I've lost it. Don't mind my neurons as they readjust themselves to something more appropriate. Hopefully sanity.
Let me think, if I were to choose to be a pristine God or a badass Devil, I just don't know. I was somewhat raised in the Church where life's many sensuous luxuries were all court orders sending you to the pits of the nonbiblical inferno. Seriously, I've been the good kid, did the fucked up 8am-7pm adult slave to debt thing, been pretty much more on the ascetic monk end instead of a cool extrovert. I want to know, what the fuck is in heaven if all the good shit is here, and I fucking missed it.
I mean really think about it. If the fucking Devil really opposed God, don't you think the Devil would be throwing one badass party wherever the fuck Hell is? Wouldn't he be advertising that piece of real property as it would be some raunchy music video, or some other visual heroin for the masses. I don't understand the kicks he would get in just constant torture. Wouldn't he want to torture God the most, out of all entities, by making his own minions happy? Seriously, this devil thing doesn't make much sense to me. Then again, isn't God that condemns people to hell, not the devil? I know I've felt the fury of condemnation by these unequal cross pushers.
Neither this angelic thing. Fuck being an angel. Before you judge me, you know what, being that puss is natural to my introverted ass. I've been angelic as they come with my lifestyle, well, at least in the western world. I don't know what being like that get's you, is it really a heaven? Okay, I'll admit, I've watched a lot of those new agey healer types, and you know what, I definitely felt some heavenly love thy neighbor shit. Especially Ethann Fox, I dare you to watch his energy transfer video and tell me it did nothing! Then again, I'm a madman and don't give two shits what you think. But are we really to turn into some sort of victimized humble doormats for other peoples crap.
True story. Just the other fucking day, I'm on my lunch break trying to get into the drive-thru, and this little preppy/shiny/flossy girl flat out cuts me off, attempts to give me a reason through her windshield like I'm some kind of highly visual lip reader, solely to get her food 2 minutes faster. I was flying in some angelic love thy horseshit dilemma that Ethann Fox threw me into, wondering why my introverted ass was nice and sociable to people earlier in the day, and this girl just went and fucked that up. Being the mental alchemist that I am, I dive in and wonder, wait, do I respond like an angel and just let her through, I mean, she's a girl in all, ladies first, right? Then I get this hunch from the back, telling me to stop fucking kidding myself. I've been thrown around like this my whole life. It was too late to do anything and my psyche's more fried than I can handle. Seriously, do I sack up and pull some gangster shit or do I channel my ability to love the moment. Or, do I attempt to recognize that, via law of attraction, I created that moment.
Okay, now that I created that moment, how do I proceed? Ice Cube or John Denver. I can create that too. But, you know what my ass chose. Nonetheless, that had me thinking, what is it really to be a God? In each moment, we have the ability to choose, do we be angelic or demonic. Wait, is God really just all angelic and not demonic, like in those ideologies nonheathens have forced into my neurological structure? Fuck that nonheathen shit, give me Giordano Bruno! If God is really "all that is", then woudn't that include his furry chinned friend, another Christian misnomer.
Seriously, clearing my emotions, diving into no-thought, I come back out like, Ice Cube or John Denver, choose? Now that I'm ruminating, I so wish I'd channel my inner Ice Cube. And, I'm not talking about this new family-man Cube, I'm talking about mother-fucking-"Predator"! Okay, maybe office space. He said it right, "damn it feels good to be a gangster". In essence, if I had God-like powers, I really don't know. Then again, I would just tap into a reality where that didn't happen I guess, but where's the fun in that. I'm pretty sure it does feel good to be a gangster every now and then. I mean, I've managed to check some fools beyond the checkerboard in my day. If you care, I ended up being John Denver, taking a moment to enjoy a purple flower in the concrete landscape, while I waited for this shiny girl to drive away from my sight onto her perfect little happy life.
Transcend the whole fucking situation, what was it that I needed to learn, hopefully so this shit stops manifesting. But, I can't really think what would be the better option. Actually, I'm really thinking gangster is the way to go. What would God do?
Go back to the heathens. Isn't God the synthesis, the integration of the light and dark, the good and the bad, the righteous and the evil. Another words, God is the angel and the devil in one, unison. So, are we supposed to be fighting the shadow side? Makes you think what we little microcosm really are, created in the image of God. Maybe, that's why we're above the angels?
Integrate the shadow side Atem, I mean Amit.
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Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions