Discovering My Shadow Under the Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse; (Sept. 27, 2015)

So far, I've refrained from certain invocations (Goetic), due to not having a resonance or knowledgeable background with certain entities. Moreover, there is the fear of the inability to control whatever may arise provided that certain entities are given a negative label for whatever reason.  Nonetheless, I did something September 27, 2015, the night of the super blood moon with a lunar eclipse, that left me utterly devastated lasting throughout the following day and slightly diminishing the rest of the week.  

There is a particular meditation that I practice to help connect with certain entities, or vibrations rather. Originally used for embodying more of my Higher Self, I've found this technique effective for getting closer to any entity. Essentially, once grounded, maybe cleared, you visualize the entity in front of you and your chakras link-up one by one, including any chakras above your body. Linking with different entities feel different, which supports my belief system that the technique works. On the night of the super blood moon after the eclipse, I chose to link my chakras with a Moon visualizing her through anthropomorphic means. In comparison to the above mentioned Goetic Work, I was warned of the dangers of a lunar eclipse. One advice went so far as to say that we should remain indoors, which is understandable given that the moon is a reflection of our emotions and the eclipse may have something to do with the shadow side.   But, I thought myself to be some sort of badass, so what the hell, why not?

Overall, the day had been going well, spent mostly with family. I had no reason to be in a bad mood and was actually delighted given how much I've read about this particular blood moon, or a wave of ascension that was purportedly scheduled for this particular day. Nonetheless, all hell seemed to break loose during my meditation that lingered throughout the following days. Unlike fearing spirits in the Goetic practices and the havoc they may wreak, I probably should have considered what invoking an eclipse moon may do to my psyche.  

Check out Laura Walker's Oracle Report.

A few weeks prior, I had skimmed through the brilliant Laura Walker's work on the black moon, or lilith. As she intelligently suggests, the black moon was planet Tiamat that was destroyed becoming the asteroid belt. The energetics of this planet are still used astrologically as representing the subconscious. Based on where your dark moon is placed in your birth chart, one can locate the root of his/her shadow side. As a personal disclosure, my dark moon is in Aries implying that I have troubles with self worth. As with Kurt Cobain, Johnny Cash (now I realize why I prefer to wear black), Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jackson, issues with self worth cause an individual to seek high positions to feel worthy. However, such success often lifts the veils of illusion where seeking worth externally without self development can be futile. Not only did this particular blood moon make me feel the concept of worth as expressed through my Dark Moon Lilith placement, but this blood moon was also in Aries. I guess you can say a "double whammy". 

As it happens, the one planet in our solar system that is no longer actually a planet could be the most powerful of them all. This is because it is unconscious and anything that remains unknown or hidden, by its very nature, holds power. The Black Moon encapsulates what Carl Jung called our "shadow side". It represents the unconscious part of the psyche that drives many of our choices and actions. Our lack of awareness of it keeps us trapped in cycles of self-defeating behavior. -Laura Walker, The Astrology of the Black Moon

Although I can't quite express the depressive sentiments of this meditation, the images that pressed through my psyche were from different areas of my life. From relationships, work, education, personal hobbies, etc., I realized that I have always been left with a sense of "there needs to be more" before I feel accomplished giving way to sensing my worth. Even passing one of the arguably most difficult exams in the world, the CA Bar exam, I was left with a sense of relief as opposed to accomplishment. Afterwards, I have sought perfection expecting abundance to arrive once a self-set standard was obtained. Nonetheless, I was pushed into firm after firm showing me bosses who have amassed abundance prior to perfection. Hence, this moon helped me dive deeper and realize that it is my own sense of self-worth blocking a flow of abundance, and my external realities were a reflection thereof. Any positive affirmation such as "I am abundance" needed to shift to "I am worthy of abundance" based on the belief system of someone with Dark Moon Lilith in Aries. I mean, how can I manifest abundance if I believe that I am not worthy of it due to my desire for perfection. 

Like my issues with my career growth, the same applies to my relationship status. After a 7.5 year stint with a pessimistic (her words) companion, I'm left looking to the law of attraction/manifestation to move me into the next chapter of my life. However, I absolutely refuse to consider a relationship with someone with similar qualities as the old fling, preferring someone with a more optimistic and adventurous outlook.  However, it appears that for any of us to attract/manifest the love we want into our life, we have to love our own selves with the same loving emotions, an issue when your Dark Moon Lilith is in Aries.  

John Collier, Lilith

The meditation took me deep into my life, showing me aspects of my childhood that all pinpoint to my sense of self worth. Although these emotions are typically something we run from, either through some form of medication, or other social involvement, they are rooted into our subconscious where it manifests itself into our world causing disruption. This quite possibly could be the reason why certain type of events tend to reoccur within our lives. Worse is when we emotionally throw ourselves into the raptures of these delusions, which may end up attracting more of the same. 

You will attract what you judge, until you no longer judge what you attract. -Matt Kahn

As with the teachings of the channeled entity Lazaris, we're all born with equal amounts of worth. Such amounts are always carried with us and never shift. The problems arise when we analyse how much of our worth we can sense. Nonetheless, having an understanding of having worth from simply being is liberating, especially in the western "yang" world obsessed with doing. Once that is established, I am assuming I can further clear areas within myself to manifest the life that I desire. In essence, this blood moon lunar eclipse meditation shed some light into areas within myself that need some work.  

What are we telling ourselves each and every day? Are we just beating ourselves up, and judging ourselves? Are we too hard on ourselves, and are we our own worst enemy? That's the real work!! I feel we must start by changing that inner dialogue, by loving ourselves more and more, and then, even without having to say or do anything to anyone, the whole outer world changes to reflect that inner world. -Anita Moorjani, NDE Experience. 

Although this meditation felt devastating, I can count this meditation as a success in helping me acknowledge and deal with aspects of myself. The week after was exhausting, my sleep cycles were off, and I spent much of my personal time assessing areas of my self-worth. Nonetheless, even the phoenix has to burn before spreading its wings. Hopefully, September 27, 2015 marks the beginning of a whole new era for me, one that is full of adventures with a new understanding on how to approach life with my shadow-self. 

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My shadow
Change is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to my muscle memory.
Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
Forty-six and two ahead of me.
-Tool, Forty Six & Two

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