Judging from my past few posts, where I'm essentially spewing material I'm assessing as fighting my inner demons, I woke up this morning to find numerous articles addressing the "dark night of the soul". It wasn't just one article, but a few, which I had to take as a sign as speaking something personally to me. I definitely related to each of the articles, which described a time of feeling lost to one's Self. The concept is derived from a relevant poem from St. John of the Cross, where he is feeling distant from his Deity and attempting to return to his beloved.
Under the Siva Sutras and the Tripura Rahsaya, I've somewhat redefined my loved Shiva into the psychological definition of "awareness". To remain under awareness, void of thought, transforms an individual by tapping the human vehicle into a higher form, the Higher Self.
Under law of attraction techniques, tapping into this state of mind places one into immediate perspective of one's surroundings. In other words, one is able to remain in "presence" of the "now" as espoused by Eckhart Tolle's of the world. From here, one can re-engage one's personal vibration/feeling into a higher emotional state. Allowing one to be in a higher, happier, more blissful state emotionally, activates the law of attraction to manifest a (un)reality that is appropriate for that vibration.
From my practice, staying in the higher vibrations has led me to battle the part of me that one's to stay in the lower vibrations. Such becomes even more difficult when the external (un)reality has not quite shifted into the higher vibration perspective. Remaining within this "gap" becomes a battle where karmic-thought-forms arise, such as ideas of worth, lack, doubt, etc., arise to bring the practitioner down.
For many who practice the law of attraction, they begin with something like a parking spot in a crowded area. However, I chose some high states of consciousness, I chose an attempt to bridge as much of Higher Self as possible within this human vehicle.
Though my external (un)reality has given me plenty of synchronicity's and intuitives have further confirmed my attempt, to choose to reach for the sky has also been to choose to reach into the pits of my hells. Now, numerous teachers have expressed that diving into the bottom is not required, in fact, don't do it. Simply go back and recognize your vibration, and keep it up. That was difficult for me.
Keeping up my vibration has been like a bouncy house. Though I used numerous energetic healers, who through their youtube videos tend to be able to do some amazing inner shifts for me (Panache Desai, Ethann Fox, and Yogiraj SatGurunath Siddhanath) as well as continue with my own meditative practice, the dark soul seems to take its hold significantly.
For me, it's been like having the desire to even attempt to go into an "awareness" state of mind completely removed to the point where I forget to do such. It's like the thought-emotional construct takes over my psyche and completely deludes me into a lower feeling, one that doesn't not want to do "awareness" or raising vibration. Given that under these conditions, one cannot simply just pull oneself out of the deluge, it appears that I'm too remain here and explore these inner darker depths of my psyche, of my lower gut which is emotionally connected to the unconsciousness (gut feeling).
Since the last mercury retrograde, and the other numerous planets that joined mercury, I've never felt a dark night of the soul to this intensity. The emotive is bi-polar, maybe due to the energetic videos, but the experience was to be "naturally" low. Nonetheless, I managed to see ideas and limiting thoughts about myself buried deep with my unconscious, and I chose to face it in order to evolve. I would not recommend this process to others as it sucks, but feel that humanity may be better served if we took the time to heal ourselves, or to heal each other. I was lucky enough to have someone, a stranger, offer me support like I've never seen before, in helping me clear my head of my practice, my philosophy, basically my past, and her ability to offer communicative support was enough to show me that the divine will send someone when you ask the divine for assistance.
Now, I'm not sure whether my technique is the best one, but it helps if one chooses to face his/her inner self for the sake of liberating oneself from shackling beliefs. I still have yet to see my hopes and dreams manifest, sans the signs and synchronicity's, and in the process feel that my psyche is completely fried, ready to throw in the towel. Nonetheless, I aimed very high, to bridge my physique with my Higher Self.
If these law of attraction and meditative techniques are correct tools, and if man does hold the ability to manifest his/her hearts desire, I desire God. And, I will face the devil if I have to do so. I hope I don't have to do this alone and hope there are many others out there crazy enough to join me. There's nothing more I want than my beloved.
Hence, my battle with my dark night of the soul.
Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions