Conversations with my sister's Father-In-Law through elopement,
about Jews and Freemasonry and their use of esoterica, 
particularly against myself and my relatives.
(In light of "Boileau v. Berkshire Hathaway, Inc", 
elimination of bias in the courtroom, 
and public policy due to the high-potential for Constitutional treason)

Sent: Aug. 31, 2022

Benson Turner:

I suggest you read and review these emails, and your irrelevant, distracting, evading, responses. Such is very becoming of not just your predictable son, but the psychology of who would raise such an immoral selfish man. I hope my family who reads these emails, see what a waste and degrading your language and responses have been, particularly the "young man" where the only reason you are provided any respect whatsoever is because you are an "old man". Nonetheless, "false courtesy" drastically abounds, and used as a manipulative tool, perfect lesson from the Turner Family "hallmark charade" selfish charade, since we've known from "white mike" since day one. 

As I had stated earlier, your son has been nothing but a curse on our family, and we know that to be true as the relationship with my sister is not one based on love knowing "white mike's" prior love-interests, but of course "white mike" needed a "housewife" type, and is now using my parents as "yard-maid services". Benson Turner, I had asked my sister what mike's parents thought of the marriage, and she had stated, "they never thought mike would marry, or settle down". In other words, you know the man you raised. My sister's relationship with her prior boyfriend for many years, who got along with all family members despite fanatical-tradition interpretation, was soured due to "new medication" which shifted his attitude. Such "attitude" makes me wonder, particularly since what I've been feeling since December, which not only describes itself as "Ben Turner" but requires your specific name "Ben Turner" to remove, relevant questions, for which you continuously ignored or provided the most general attempted-rebuttals. This "attitude" is also similar to the psychological description for which my other relative describes, as he shifts into his anger-fits. Personally, there is the real "bliss" or "ananda", true self realization as the middle of MarcEL's name, found with "neti neti", where the "Ben Turner" energies are not only foreign, but consist of both Goetic and Djinn which is what I'm using to remove, again with the name "Ben Turner", again starting in "December 2021" right after emails that included "Ben Turner". In other words, I would rather stay in the "empty" of "bliss", but for "Ben Turner", which is energy reaching well beyond the box of items although strengthened by it. This is energy is coming from "Ben Turner" and his associates, whoever he hired, as he has been following my writing since the December 2021 emails, where I can connect entity-attachments on my writing to "Ben Turner". Moreover, as I had accused "white mike" of being "michael finn" due to having that email and name "blasted" all over his attic, begging the question "what the fuck is that", leading michael to confess that to be his own anonymous name, it's stupid that michael would use his brothers name and write it everywhere, then again he is "white mike". As such, I'm led to believe that you Benson Turner are in fact "Michael Finn" on my blog? It makes more sense a father would use their son's name as such, an "old man" incapable of crafting an actual "anonymous" address. Michael Finn becomes important, as the curses shifted afterwards based on responses, indicating that Michael Finn was "fishing" for information. 

BENSON TURNER.
1. You refused to answer the simple question on Freemasonry. IS IT RINGLING BROTHERS OR MEDIEVAL OCCULTISM? 
2. What is the value of a 33 Degree, if not spinal-kundalini ascent, IS IT KKK GRAND WIZARD OR MEDIEVAL OCCULTISM OR IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
3. Provided what is expressed in the emails and shed light upon, SHOULD FREEMASON BE CHARGED WITH CONSTITUTIONAL TREASON?
4. From the post on my blog, ARE YOU BENSON TURNER THE EMAIL ALIAS "MICHAEL FINN"?
5. Provided what we know of the Turner Family, WHAT IS THE EXTENT OF THE OCCULTISM AND SPIRITUALISTS OF THE TURNER FAMILY?

Provided that answers are highly irrelevant, distractive, and manipulative-selfish from the Turners, questions ranging from Morals/Ethics, Parenting, Relationships-Marriage, Judaism, Freemasonry, Occultism, Psychic Abilities, and Business/Estate Plan, all wrapped in "Conspiracy" it seems best that not just myself, but the public at large receive answers. Especially since I would hope society doesn't want such "mentalities" full of selfish narcissist intent hiding behind "false courtesy" sitting in "public office". The civil servant who is nothing more than a "wolf in sheep's clothing" becomes an issue, which makes sense why Germany would promote the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" post Freemasonry-Thule creation, as it is a psychological text to help civilians discern political infiltration and tactics. Add that text with Medieval Occultism, Freemasonry looks like a very intimidating organization, with a long occulted-political history with obvious agendas and prejudices. 

These are valid-questions, that need public answers. Your own son "white mike" had even said, if you have questions about Freemasonry, ask a Freemason. Provided that he and yourself are masons, such was crafted for you to run, not actually follow his comment and PROVIDE LEGITIMATE ANSWERS. Your attempt to private conversation, though certain valid-information was produced, what was relevant was "couched" by your ignorance and selfishness, typical of the Turners that we have seen so far. Moreover, the questions are also beyond Freemasonry, with the "ineffable name" and "shemhamephorash", where not just Freemasons, but synagogues need to be asked such questions as well. In other words, THESE ANSWERS ARE RELEVANT FOR LAWYERS, FREEMASONS, DESERT RELIGIONS, CIVIL SERVANTS, and COMMON FOLK who fail to understand "entity use" not knowing the difference between "stillness" and "persona", and what alters the "persona" as Qabalists call Ruach in terms of "enchantments". In fact, let's do a role-reversal Ben Turner. Knowing what I know about your family and such practices, IS IT MY DUTY TO FULLY-TRANSPARENTLY DISCLOSE THE CONTENTS OF THESE EMAILS?

Sentences are bolded for a reason. To stop your evasion, I suggest you, Ben Turner, PROVIDE LEGITIMATE ANSWERS, before I seek elsewhere to gain answers to the questions described in these emails. I will welcome the TURNER-LAWYERS thoughts on family, Judaism, Freemasonry, and Occultism, including the numerous legalese protecting my interest in the estate from at minimum negligence although intent is clearly established, including this as a pre/post marital agreement for my sister disclosing the lies, manipulation, and ineptitude of family rearing despite continuous condescending hierarchal attitudes, where such marriage based on holding the "crutch" of children and practical-life experiences all the while using "the children" to manipulate others due to emotional-familial sentiments including my parents, are extremely faulty. Then again, what to expect from a "casino" marriage around the "sacred" covenant of the "interest rates".  Once again, I highly welcome the Turner Lawyers to the discourse, where hopefully, he has direct-logic to answer instead of playing manipulative self-centered games. Then again, WHAT SHOULD WE EXPECT FROM A TURNER? 

Amit

Sent: Aug. 24, 2022

Benson Turner:

Ask anyone in my family, what is my normal demeanor. If I am cursing at you (which I tried not to), if I am calling you on "YOUNG MAN" for your families continuing condescending, I DO NOT APOLOGIZE for what I've been through. I don't want to hurt anyone, but these emails are how I'm protecting myself legally. The reference to "YOUNG MAN" was the obvious continuous legal push, and also, to GET YOU TO ANSWER. This is something that I have had to develop professionally, in a legal office, to stick up for myself. I approached you as family, but I'm protecting myself via my license. I do not want to generalize to the TURNER FAMILY as I know only a few, and I don't want to be judged for Indian people (believe me). 

I do not trust your son. So we're going to have a long way to go, before I trust you, especially WITH THE CURSES SINCE DECEMBER. Moreover, I am already convinced that my relatives will side with "White Mike". Hence, the reason why included Nikil Narayan in the "chain-emails", with the hopes that he responds using his "business" email address, with numerous commingled "names" and expressions, with numerous "shareholders", pointing towards CONSPIRACY.

FIRSTLY, I suggest you provide open and honest communication, because your family is not addressed very well in these emails, especially your responses. Mike had told me prior about the lawyer in your family's gifts, and that he would never make a bad decision, until he met the "adversary". This was last time we went shopping at the mall outlets, I don't believe I officially used the title "adversary" until months afterwards, for the direction my writing was going. Adversary being synonymous with lawyer, as well as the gnosis of "opposition in every direction", is what drove my writing, where I'm unsure if I'm what Mike was discussing. If so, the idea that the lawyer sibling may be cursing me to protect himself, does not seem far-fetched. 

The main item that catapults the curses, is not the masonic texts, or even bohemian grove which has a violent "black spider" curse I don't believe to have a Turner link, but sadly the cup my sister gave me with pictures of Marcell, Myself, and Rani. The cup removed, the books die down. I have created my own fetish-items to safekeep my books and collections, including AMORC which I was a member, but have found Rose-Cross and much western gnosis to be Egregore control mechanisms. I needed to get out. 

I AM NOT LYING ABOUT THE CURSES. Someone with the "anonymous" name Michael "Finn", left a message on my writing regarding "shadow work", where thereafter I had trouble with my "shadow" aspect. Something I've been able to separate and observe with Hekate, but I'm having trouble with my abilities due to current curses. It's like someone has layered a curse over my own development. As I'm continuing to study, I'm shockingly finding masonic material in what I thought was indigenous practices, such as the derivative that is OBEAH. These guys use the medieval occult stuff with african, to "shadow catch", which brought me to thinking back about you, Mr. Turner. 

My sister tried coming last October, but I had actually started Santa Muerte curse reversals, and was already heavy in shadow work, where I was asking to be left alone. I'm still going through this process, and finding that in massaging spinal areas around the lower rib cage, I'm reverting to old traumas, depressions, related to early "Townhouse" days where we first met Mike. Moreover, there are entity attachments in these muscular tensions, including Djinn. It's like they are asleep, and wait for opportune moments, to then do their damage. I'm also currently attempting to rid of african hexes, where I see a "black man" in my head cursing me, which I do not believe is related to you. These are real curses and the main problem is that it is inhibiting my abilities, as they were back in December. Since then, I've been attempting to find the source, so I did a lot of research, asked my father to ask you guys some questions because St. Sarah Kali healed a significant amount of pain in my life which I'm unsure is related to the Turner Family gypsy ancestry. 

I'm still unsure if Freemasonry is against me or with me. I do not mind the energies that come off the Zohar, though they are "competitive", and have made protective amulets for myself to help study the material, along with a small bookcase shrine with a decorated rams horn, holy oil, and signed/stamped postcards of Isacc Luria's synagogue to honor the direction it's given me and "connect" more. However, the Hyatt Regency hotel symbol across the street from my condo, feels like it's cursing me, since Dec., where I've already been through the Shemhamephroash (both El/Lucifer: Higher Chakras/Lower Chakras), where I've been doing basic scribe candle magick to rebalance those energies in my home. The energies are significant, and the more I push to clean it, the more sensitive I get. 

With Freemasonry, the research looks very western biased including its racial history. Gnostic wise, it seems like an egregore at the top, a control mechanism, and an overall societal egregore, like AMORC, where those who crossed on are still active in those groups. One of my current developing gifts, is I can pull in energy gnostically, and create symbols, where I've created protective "sigils" against freemasonry with success, leaving my head lighter, clearer, and more intelligent (flowing, instead of thought blockages). However, freemasonry may have such control mechanism in place for a reason. My mother had thrown a day long tantrum in Cuba, when we had stayed at a masonic home. I had to think about that for a while, was it a coincidence, was it freemasonry, and if freemasonry was it a curse or a blessing, as it is my understanding that Freemasonry has to do with "masculine maturity". Hence, the Cuban "Abakua" which was organized by a Freemason, who also dabbles in Palo was a powerful "text" for me, which I currently can't gnostically handle actually. 

Nonetheless, I'm being cursed and my writing is being cursed as I can feel the entity attachments. This wasn't happening, at least not with this intensity, before December. Again, "shadow catcher", which is pissing me off. 

Mr. Turner, ff you or anyone you know is cursing me, please stop, for the mere reason of I don't know why you're cursing me. Again, the cords are going to you, and I'm still having to think about you, especially around 1:30 early morningish. Any advice, including maybe letting me know a tradition or archetype or teacher, will help. The problem is that as soon as I clear, it's like someone starts again. When I open the door, it floods in, where on closing I say "clear all curses, clear djinn, clear etc." with limited but obvious success. 

As for visiting my parents, TYPICAL WHITE MIKE RESPONSE. Do I need to remind his stupid ass, that HE ELOPED. I WILL NEVER TRUST "MICHAEL TURNER" aka "MICHAEL FINN" and I HAVE NEVER BEEN GIVEN A REASON TO TRUST "MICHAEL TURNER". It is stupid that I'm constantly being asked to go to his house and continously cater to THE TOWNHOUSE TRASH. Seriously, Mr. Turner, I'm not allowed to bring my friends over to the house, that means on Christmas/Birthdays/Graduation, I can't be around people who are actually NICE TO ME and have SHOWN THAT THEY CARE without ABUSIVE RECIPROCITY TREATMENT. But, I've spent a lifetime catering to my older relatives and their friends. 


Amit 

Sent: Aug. 21, 2022

BENSON TURNER:

I'M ASKING FOR THE TRUTH! I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN CURSING ME, AND WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING! In terms of asking for your help, a significant amount of energy died down after sending you my emails, making it VERY OBVIOUS. I gave both YOUR SON and YOURSELF a chance to speak THE TRUTH, so originally I was asking for help. However, you're not willing, as evidenced by the continuous nondisclosure regarding my questions, especially the HIGHLY OCCULTED group FREEMASONRY. If Freemasonry is not OCCULT, then it's either a bullshit organization or "Ringling Brothers Circus". Look at how your son responds, distraction, disinformation, and highly ignorant. I cannot in all honesty ask for your help anymore, and expect an honest response. In fact, I've always had a "slave" definition of family, being the youngest in a strict house with my sister, who grew up catering to other relatives due to their father's religious stature. Now, the word Family just reeks of narcissist-selfish manipulation. 

I purchased FREEMASONIC Items, so maybe someone is cursing those Items. I don't know. BUT FOR SOME REASON, I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY SAY "REMOVE BEN TURNER'S ENERGY" TO GET IT OUT. I don't know why, but I also see your face very heavily. I could be doing something very different than meditating, like researching and writing, and I'll feel something enter me, and then it gets me angry and makes me think of you. Again, right now it feels like you. I gave the whole family an opportunity to respond to that, in light of the occultism that I knew from you family. I GAVE THE WHOLE FAMILY THE OPPORTUNITY TO RESPOND TO THAT. I now have to wake up each morning, and throughout the day, do "BEN TURNER CLEARINGS". I will no longer ask for your help, or anyone in your family, provided the AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT YOU AND YOURS HAVE PUT ON MY TABLE. Nonetheless, it would be best if I don't have to think of you and yours, and utilize numerous tools to remove including the Shemhamephorash which seems to be tied to DJINN which seems to go to the Fez hat. I don't know the extent of what a Freemason can do, hence the reason for the questioning, but from what I've experienced since December this is some powerful stuff well beyond what I thought possible. Nonetheless, I seem to be doing well in overcoming, though it's been a continuous daily battle, uphill as I've also significantly developed since then in overcoming. I say that in the sense, well, if I need to know something about Freemasons, I probably should be told. Nonetheless, this is my psychological health and effects my physicality, the rest is money which is not needed to support my nerdy addictions. 

Instead, there are long-ass emails from "Scientist" and "Master", both irrelevant, and highly Narcissistic of their characters, though unlike White Mike, NIK at least seems to try to do good in the family while chasing his passion. Nonetheless, it's obvious how many people "mooch" off the family, and get away with it, due to their kids. THOSE EMAILS ADDRESSING SAID ISSUES WERE DISCUSSING HOW BUSINESS IS DONE IN THIS FAMILY, AND IS PROTECTING ME FROM FUTURE ESTATE ISSUES. Nik will do the right thing when ADVISED CORRECTLY. Nik will take care of the family and sacrifice himself if needed. I cannot say, nor trust your son to do the same.

NOW LET'S GET BACK TO BENSON TURNER, FOR HIS HELP! Once again, I saw you like Nik's father, but I also have to see you in light of your son. Nonetheless, I went to my father to hopefully receive better communication from you, not a "White Mike" response. 

1. ANTI-SEMTICISM
This needs to be loud and clear for everyone, and is expressive through these emails from my questioning to the predictable-typical "White Mike" response. NO ONE IN MY FAMILY SHOULD BE LABELLED OR CALLED ANTI-SEMITIC, particularly since White Mike has been blunt on Jewish Stereotypes regarding finances, as has been found with numerous jokes with a "that's my people". The hierarchal political attitude is often taken as offensive, and has been taken as offensive, and hence "White Boy" title, where lifelong friendships are soured, leaving a relative prone to anger-tantrums that often come-off as racial. As I have tried to teach the liberal-oriented relatives in Modesto stuck on Rachel Maddow, "in front of a conservative you be a liberal, and in front of a liberal you be a conservative", in order to forge discernment, assessment, and articulate arguments with proper comprehension. Nonetheless, I have to deal with typical FOX News pompous opinionated at your son's house, not politics but general, a disinformation campaign that leaves numerous discrepancies. Personally, my writing may be seen as anti-semitic, oddly in gnostic-research of the ancient semitic deities later demonized showing the truth of the desert religions, and I know how easy that word is thrown around, nonetheless, I could care-less in having animosity towards Israel, though from my practices it would be interesting to see the wisest and selfless rule the area (Solomon), especially if Solomon's Temple is like the Medieval Occultists. I've also taken note that I've had to place Solomon's Seal all throughout my home, and am still printing more, and it gives me a whole different view on occultism when looking at the Israeli flag and how the nation is being established. 

That reminds me of an actual conversation with "White Mike", an unrequested conversation so unclear whether he was attempting to influence or just got done having these conversations and was legitimately reanalyzing. But the violent stance on Israel, in "removing" Palestinian people from Israel's expanding borders seems to be a discussion to be had, in terms of HOW YOUR FAMILY SEES MY GENTILE-SISTER. 

2. FREEMASONS
Judasim and Freemason's don't go together, as even found by academics. Pagan King Hiram from Phoneician-Tyre and King David's Seed have an interesting Biblical and Rabbinic setting, particularly with King David and Agrat bat Mahlat parenting Asmodeus, the "Mason" who Solomon is to "Bind". Hence, the difference between Pagan Freemasonry (belief in a God) and Judaism (belief in their One God), which then goes against the Commandments. Though I understand all the Egyptian motifs, as much of Judaism seems to be rooted in Egypt from the Ark of the Covenant (Egyptian Barc - Coffin) where the Book of Exodus is most likely an occult political text crafted in Hyksos Egypt, which Yochai uses to assess the "ineffable name". The pre-Jewish material of the Hekhalot is evidence of how easy it is to use not just the name, but manipulate with angels as well, should one practice meditative techniques. Like Sanskrit and Pali, I've studied the Shemhamephorash and am sensitive to Hebrew, where staring at Hebrew words places me in a trance-meditative possession state, like Sanskrit mantras known as "Bijas". In other words, at least rooted in Medieval Occult through Speculative Freemasonry, IS FREEMASONRY OCCULT OR RINGLING BROTHERS? 

3. HELP
Should any of you FINALLY CHOOSE TO ACT LIKE A DECENT FAMILY MEMBER, I strongly suggest you at least reassess my questioning diligently and see how distractive and wasteful your time has been, which is symbolic of my life with you. 

In terms of "YOUNG MAN", BEN TURNER you have yet to show your diligence, your integrity, and hence "MATURITY" on the table. Typical patronizing from the Bullshit-Turner family superiority complexity. 

Amit
​

The closest to a "legitimate" response from sister's Father-In-Law,
utilizing already known information as disclosure,
but with intent to extract items,
and continue to distract from relevant discourse,
couched under "false courtesy".

Sent: Aug. 30, 2022

Thank you Mr. Turner:

I learned so much about Judaism and Freemasonry since December, much of it bad (political) and maybe intimidating (occult), if in the wrong hands. But in sorting through the information, I found major life changing, expanding information. Not only with the Judaism's Mystics, at the height of each of the cultural-aspects of Freemasonry, including the Irish-Scottish traditions of the Gaul-Celts, and its current philosophy of "Awen" has been helpful in doing energy-work, including clearing. It seems these items, and learning how to use correctly, is what is causing the healing which I'm realizing is life-long. 

Part of the reason why I chose to keep the items, with an attempt to overcome, is that it is also teacher in expanding my own abilities, defenses, etc. The items have been getting weaker, or more controllable, in a harmony way, but there are attachments still floating around. Stepping outdoors and coming back inside requires an inner entity clearing, as I'm absorbing it seems. The conversations with you, seem to have a release, so the healing/resolving may also be "psychological processing" or "shadow work", as I've also healed myself significantly more since December towards "Empty" or "Clear/Clarity" and "inspiration" which is Enlightenment in the East (Samadhi, Nirvana, Tao), which I'm not finding in Freemasonry which mainly consists of occultism. I have numerous items, not just the books, where each requires a separate corner in order to not energetically conflict, where Yochai's material including Hekhalot is separated from Masonry. Masonry needed to be separated from all eastern material. 

The agenda of removing said items, especially for your review, is out of the picture, provided that trust still needs to be built among families. Again, in light of your son, in light of your son's responses, I thank you for your honesty regarding your lineage and ancestry, but my other questions still need to be answered, for real solutions. Your response was crafted for lawyers.  

Amit

Bibliography:
(For the Intelligent, the Analytical, those who have the ability to "LISTEN")

1. Romani People (Gypsies)
(​https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romani_people)
(Gypsies are not "Semitic" though they may have blended. They are "India" Indian, the dot not the feather)

2. Saint Sarah (Romani)
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Sarah)
(The "Gypsies" are culturally, historically, linguistically, and haplogroups related to India)

3. Bahram V (Persian, Indian Princess)
​(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bahram_V)
(Link between India, Persia, and the Semitic traditions, and possible link to the beginnings of Saint Sarah, a syncretic Hindu Goddess with local traditions)

4. Khalaf, Salim George, Phoenician Canaanite Religion - Pagan, Phoenician Canaanite Encyclopedia. 2022
(https://phoenicia.org/pagan.html)
(The original "Semites", were originally and also adopted thereafter, the Phoenician-Canaanite religion where "Baal" was then later somewhat-infused with the Mesopotamian "Enlil" to provide a syncretic "El" the progenitor of the "Elohim". With Hyksos-Egypt the closest link to an actual "Exodus" and the most-valued "Ineffable Name" most likely an "Egyptian" derivative practiced under the Merkavah Mystics and  "A/Braham" being a Persian name of Indo-Aryan descent most likely from Ancient Scythia rooted in the Pontic Caspian Steppe, the truth of a "Tribe of Israel" is going to be found through the politics of King David post the "divine right" of King Saul and the occult workings of King Solomon (Monarch: Israel) and Hiram (Pagan: Phoenician), most likely to be discovered through the intermediate religion evolutionary-phase of Ugarit needing to be discovered through the Ugarit texts.)

5. 1 Chronicles 21
​(https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Chronicles%2021&version=NLT)
(Tax-tithing under one deity and an understanding of Sumerian "interest rates", was the intent of conquering-converting the neighboring "tribes", not for a "heaven" as would be described in the Hekhalot material, but for a "monarch" built and expanded through "scatter and gather". From Canaan the Semites went to Mesopotamia and merged "Baal" with "Enlil" providing "El" of the "Elohim" as the sole deity due to holding the "Table of Destiny", returning to the lands of Canaan to conquer-convert to their "monarch" ideologies while adopting the Phoenician language as "Hebrew", infusing the mysticism also found from Egypt-Hyksos in crafting-editing the national "guiding" mythology heavily-fanatically indoctrinated via "monarch" propaganda as opposed to typical "religious-philosophical" syncretizing of ideas such as the Hellenic period. Who is being worshipped through the Egyptian "bark" coffin known as "aron" on the funerary-mourning and agricultural "threshing floor" (1040 BC)? Amenmesse (1200 BC)?)

6. Ashkenazi Jews / Lehi
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashkenazi_Jews)
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lehi_(militant_group)]
(From being 3% to a massive 92% of the Jewish population sprouting in Germany, and Zionist groups such as the "Lehi" showing the intent behind a cultural-based "Israel" indoctrinated as "chosen" and "one god" with a commanding deity breaking commandments as found in "Numbers 31", and currently noting the selfishness of "identity politics", what is the difference between the dogmatic-intent of "Israel" and the attempted aryan-nationalism of "Germany"?) 

7. Scapegoat
​(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scapegoat)
(The "end justifies the means" attitude creates propaganda-politics and hence dogmatic-religions using the "immoral to establish the moral" via some-sort of "sacrifice". On the other hand, "the end justifies the means" attitude does the opposite also, it gives you someone to "point the finger" via "pitchfork mentality". )

8. The Author, Judaism Was Not Meant To Be "Blind Belief", TheInnerStairwell (2022)
(http://www.theinnerstairwell.com/house-keeping-day/judaism-was-not-meant-to-be-blind-belief)
(From Canaan, to Mesopotamia-Indus-Elam, to Egypt, to Mediterranean, to Gaul, to establishing syncretic occultism during the Medieval Ages, instead of "following the trail of money" as an audit to discover the barebones truth, "follow the trail of the ineffable name")

9. Bean, Henry, The Believer. Seven Arts Pictures. (2001)
[wiki: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Believer_(2001_film)]
(A "seeker" forging himself through indoctrinated "blind belief". Though the videos are long lost among the VHS documentaries needing information updates, many of the original "holocaust deniers" were Jewish descendants themselves questioning the details of what the prior generation expressed. Such as, were certain (particular, meaning "not all") "gas chambers" used to exterminate people or infested-clothing, in "Native American" based "concentration camps" political used in a "Farwell to Manzanar" manner, that also included "recreational areas" and "activities" for those interning? Nonetheless, true-history will only be exposed through an understanding of the hidden-occult networking, not found in your history books.)   

Winding down from the day typically means soaking in the tab. Salt water, purifier of the soul. Already having meditated throughout the day, the ego monkey mind want's to fight. It's the animal-senses way of keeping one on the wheel of samsara. To allow for deeper breaths, invoking the terrifying Bhairavi is the best way to dissolve thought, let go, and relax. She's a must for deeper pranayama, though beware, she brings on the purge.  

The mind stills and relaxes as a very decrepit, skin melting off the bones, very pale skinned with glowing white hair elderly female approaches requesting my attention. Not annoyed with my personal space disturbed, and actually quite excited to see this individual who reminds me of Dhumavati, surprisingly without fear I say "hello" and reach out my hand to be shook.  "Thank you for having me", she states, "I just wanted to say hello and greet you". I asked of her name and received the reply of "Aunt Susan". "What the fuck, I'm Indian, with little to no relatives with a Western name, are you of my lineage", I yelp trying to figure out who the hell just entered into my domain. Communication is more with inner guidance, where I trust the intense pulses within me to come to an answer. That also means my bullshit meter is on point. In response to my request, I felt pulled downward, not to what we would call lower astral levels, but to one of my downstairs neighbors. Coming to terms that I have nothing to worry about, I further greet "Aunt Susan" and allow her to remain and continue to observe me in my "process".   

Immediately thereafter my soak, my biological mother calls me for our weekly quick updates. As I have attempted to express to certain relatives, the practices of advaita has the effect of shredding something inside of me. My clairsentience has increased to the point that when people talk, the logical mind begins to subside as I begin to feel odd impulses and quite claustrophobic around those who do not practice meditation. It feels like feeling another's deep psychological conditioning as well as outright bullshit. I guess that's what happens when an empath meditates. I guess this is also why the Buddhist Jewel of Sangha is highly important. 

There have been numerous issues with my family, particularly with narcissistic individuals who think they are doing "good", but are really causing harm. When an individual has not developed logically, that can result in lots of emotional outbursts in order to have their way. My own mother falls into this category who has controlled our household like it's William Golding's, Lord of the Flies. She would be the harsh angry patriarchal energy in our home, with my biological father being a non-sociable introvert who never stood in the way of my mom's warpath. Whether it was getting things thrown at me, or getting kicked out of the house because I spent an hour with my girlfriend, the word "family" today still carries more sting then love, where I found bliss and happiness in solitude. That home life was suicidal for me, especially in having a voice that was just never heard, and of course those emotions return today as I've continually gotten caught up in someone else's mess. Even if I am to enter into a relationship again, the fear of having that someone meet my mother would be worse then Virgil's/Dante's hell. Let me put it this way, my mother had forbid my ex-girlfriend from attending my law school graduation because she said it was against "traditions", all the while she had called me the morning of my bar exam to harass me. Imagine sitting for a three (3) day exam with that in your head, with the CA bar being the most difficult. Yes, I still hate it when my parents tell people they put me through law school. If my mom didn't have her way, her anger would shoot her blood pressure into the 200s sending her straight to the hospital, creating an even worse trap for her kids. 

My elder sister had eloped with a man whose shadows were well known within the family. Though my mother has sought to resolve her issues, I had seen the same psychological-conditioning arise in both my sister and her husband. My sis shockingly being a supporter of Trump, but not really shocking with the man she ended up with, who follows traditional archetypal standards of men and women, and such views on society. She eloped, had a few good years away from the family, then returned to my mother with a child in her hands. To this day, my Leo sister holds her head up high, views the rest of the family like their some cheap pawns, then has the nerve to tell people in the family what to do without even knowing all the facts. 

In my conversations with my mother, she has been upset with everyone else, except my sister. Nonetheless, she see's what my sis is doing and even confronted me regarding the latest issue. My mom has thrown tantrums with other family members, including myself when I had stated to her that she had picked a side. However, in this phone call, my mom admitted she will not say anything to my sis given that she doesn't want her to leave again, all the while pointing the finger at other relatives and their anger.

I let my mom have it! She has used the concept of "traditions", or used family and their children to manipulate me to get me to do things, even if she can't psychologically see that. Hence, casebook narcissist. I've realized the meaningless of loyalty, where I simply now perceive my family as individuals with highly selfish interests, all of which are afraid of looking in the mirror. I presume this is why Kali is so feared, where I'm so far the only one who taken her name in my family, everyone else perceives her as evil with their extremely limited understanding of spirituality, but extraordinarily inflated ideals of person-hood.  Nonetheless, she has been around me assisting me. Even my Jewish-American brother in law is the product of past Romani Gypsies who sought the blessings of St. Sara-Kali.   

I had trouble in coming to peace with the way I conducted myself over the phone. But as an attorney who understand the efficacy of words, I know sometimes we need to be gangster in order for people to hear beyond their psychological conditioning. And yes, everything happens for a reason. I really got a better understanding of that after I had googled "Aunt Susan". At least the Goddess is with me helping me through.

My heart squeals in the dreadful morning, when I hear the caw of my black angels. Keepers of the “twilight” I should rather say, as I only hear them when the blending colors of the sun dance among the cloudy skies. These creatures are quite dreadful to the public, mostly of fear, ever scavenging among both the decay and decrepit alike. Who am I to judge which is which? It’s all meant to be transmuted into the purity of ashes and memories of dust.

I’m reminded of my perkier days, a budding child probably no more than five, untainted before the world psychologically broke in … I remember crows just being naturals among my habitat. They were always there, though minding their own business and not worth noticing, like a dim lit star lost in the midnight sky. But they were still there, just as they still are, and will continue to be, so long as the scent of rotting flesh creates hunger. Every morning and every evening greeting me with an unnoticeable cacaw, cacaw, cacaw. Who knew how old I was when this child had his “Edgar Allen Poe” epiphany, or why in High School he chose to express the beauty of such an avian in a void of color paper-mache project, contrary to the expressive colors of every other classmates comparable. Rather than get lost in the poetics, the child had always been surrounded by the black avians, even if he was ignorant of their foresight portrayed through their symbolism.  

Particularly, I’m being brought back to a time right about ten years, not yet of age, and still afraid of proper “mysteries”. A child who struggled with fiendish nightmares, barley capable of adequate night’s rest. The child developed a reserve filled with panicky neutrality just to hold the outbursts and enough calm to fill the night with some sleep, but it was quite enough to create muscular tension giving the expression “stiff neck”, which blocked the constant chills running up and down one’s spine. The night was filled like some of the worst of the worst tension, a cold sweat leaving one shivering under a hot a blanket, but too frightened to peek at what may be lurking within the dark corners of the childhood room.

The night-visions plaguing the child’s sleep were filled with fiery unspeakables that would shame Dante’s poems. All seeking to grasp hold of something that was me, though somewhat intangible as appearing through a blending colors of reality that would shame a Van Gogh painting. As a frequent childhood occurrence, I’ve gotten quite comfortable of such vivid dreams, that would rush me out of daze of delusions into a further toxic day of mentally conditioning myself into another brick in the wall. But this dream reached further than the other dreams, pushing the idea of “will I ever be able to sleep again”. Such a feat, I yet wonder to this day.

The evils of the night plaguing a mind conditioned into protestant fiery hells provides the atmosphere for the child’s nightmare. Though it is not the colors of this extremely vivid imagination that I remember, but the way it made me feel, and not ever want to feel again. Like my worst nightmares arising at my weakest moment, where all failed attempts at masculine chivalry are stymied by the paralysis that utilizes cognitive dissonance in moving beyond one’s fears. I couldn’t help myself to defend myself, or any others used as temptation for me to protect, but simply linger in the fright of panic and expectation for the worst.

As I was chased by these ghouls into depths of my subconscious sadly making my delusions more vivid, my panic forced the ever-so-vivid contours of a child’s imagination into a realized lucid dream. From becoming the watcher in the dream, to being awake in the dream, the child sadly realized he would need to face his worst fear, “that I’m on my own to make the decisions”. Once guided by the fluctuations of the Van Gogh like dream state, lost to whatever whimsy and fright that is guided by the night, I’ve now come to realize that my adequate follies are now exposed to my rational logic, screaming vehemently to my reptilian-brain, “flight or fight”?

Panicking, what is one to do, with a rational logic encompassing a ten year old. A child lost in a dreamlike distance,  but lucidly and vividly experiencing each fright, each pain, each horror … as if neurologically chained to the electric chair. Pure innocence attempting to attain a curious glimpse of the shadows, suddenly having the tables turned. The panic one can only experience, when one falls under the mesmerization of eye to eye contact.

Lurid beings conjuring all sorts of sensory fright, often condemned to the hells of forced submission, an image frequently programmed into our budding neurological life-forms. Enough disgust to allow for only a moments attention, is what caught this child’s eye. In breaths of panic, the child overcame and understood the magic of lucidity by increasing itself in proportion, to match every breath with breath. A gift from the heavens assured was the child, a not a moment to lose with the arrogance of a prince not yet knighted arising. With all might, the child charged forcing his way upon an unspeakable. With might and the power of religious creeds in one’s palms, the beings of fear shall be overcome, to never again return. The moment dawning near, the light ready to burst from the shadows within one’s own shadow. But was the child ready?

Prior to the victorious thrust into the bliss of returning into emotional stability, if not harmony, the child’s arms pulsing with the muscles of a Goliath remembered his sheer stature as David. In a moments grasp vividly occurring with details of slow motion, the child’s arms went limp weak as the sword simply pounced on such corrupted entities. There was no strength to the child’s pride as if the wretched opponent seized control of the child’s central nervous systems flooding the babe’s emotional body with hospitalizing hormonal cocktails invoking the psychology of vivid blood rushing fears. All logic subdued while that child gazed within the aura of what can only be considered, the great devil himself, and yes, you too would call him “great” should this experience for you ever prevail, the child through panicky asthmatic gasps echoed in one’s cranium attempts to scream, “for the love god, someone help me”. It’s the working of the reptilian-brain. “Fight or flight”.

The lucidity of the occurrence rendered some brilliance with the forethought of needing to wake up. Hence, quite probably why I chose to mentally scream, though I definitely intended to be vocal given the panicky state of the experience. For a moments glance, I realized I was staring at my ceiling, eyes wide open. I begin to take awareness of my breath and bring myself away from having a heart attack. I remember my name as I slowly began to consciously grasp the surrounding of my childhood room. As my breath aligns, I quickly realize I need to physically readjust to allow proper blood flow. My breath immediately ceases as I realize, despite my desperate conscious attempts, my physical body simply will not move. I’m lost in my head, conscious of what I believe to be the material state, but with the inability to interact with it. I realize my predicament, especially with a calming breath serenading the child back into sleep. As memory of the prior dream returns, the child returns to the cranial screams begging mercy from the depths of one’s own imagination. Could he face such horrors again, where the return to the vegetable state of material consciousness was a devious match, requiring the child need for untimely logical assessments. What could be worse, than this poor child’s fantasy, conjured in some ungodly hour of the wailings of the night. In facing the child’s inner Necronomicon, names unnecessary for invocation when the words already echo through one’s inner temples, under the vision’s sedation into neurosis paralysis, the child chose the other reptilian option, run. 

Fleeing from the shadows that internally required exorcism, the child again glances the stalemate of the material world, again binging on the sedation of neurological paralysis unable to engage anything other than visual awareness of the childhood bedroom ceiling. Though, this time with the agenda to move, the child’s vivid internal bursts commanding movement were met with slight actual physical adjustments within the childhood bed, while the child began to realize that his neurons were still controlled by some inner beast of fear. Though eye’s wide awake, staring at the ceiling, counting what still shimmered of glow-in-the-dark stars cascading through the childhood bedroom of a child afraid of the dark attempting to move beyond the dream state, the child began to hear the beast of fear growl, not louder, but closer, much closer, as if standing directly behind. Paralyzed with fear, while gasping the freedom of the external world only a few adjustments away, the child began to feel the stench filled breath of the beast of fear, as the beasts growls sent shivers on the child’s neck already tinging with the sweat of cold. Even with logical time-consuming analysis, the only option was to surrender. To let go, and let the beast of fear devour what was left of my childhood sanity.

​How can I not continually comprehend my sanity after that night within my childhood bedroom. It’s the same reason why I comprehend why my heart softens, hearing the call of the “caw” bringing us into and out of the shadows always at twilight. How can I not decide what is in fact reality, given that both holds on either side of my cranium that night and it’s charade over my central nervous system, danced as if they forge and embed neurological memories of actual phenomenal experiences within my psyche. Let me ask you as the reader, dare I say to the public, that “I remember waking to manifestations of slightly reddish slashes drawn on the child’s neck” … or reader, do I say to the public, “such manifestation, is simply the authors continued lucid dream”.