As I was sitting in my chair attempting to simmer down a day of drafting repetitive documents, I took a few moments to pop into no-mind to take a mental breather. I started getting a bit too relaxed, but felt the flutters of air flying around my cheek. Far from being a completely still practitioner, I took the opportunity to divulge the moth.
For some reason, I was elated that the moth came to visit me. Maybe because I see the moth as a species that has to endure a transformation process from the cocoon in order to fly into the world. A symbolical metamorphosis that may symbolically hold personal meaning. Nonetheless, for some reason I mentally spoke with the moth. Out of all the things to discuss, I chose my happiest moment of that day.
My boss' wife had brought their family dog to work. Leaving my no-mind meditation, I had a full on conversation with the moth about the excitement that I had playing with that puppy. That puppy not only would consistently visit my office to get a quick pet rub, but would sit by my feet.
After the moth tickled off, I went back into my meditation. I wasn't able to no-mind it for long, as thoughts of "you just had a conversation with an insect" would creep within. Of course I had to provide that thought with tea, not only did I have a conversation with that insect, but I told it about playing with a puppy earlier.
Yes, I have officially lost it, and I'm hoping there's some sort of Zen meaning behind this experience, which hopefully leads to something other than "what the fuck is wrong with me". But then again, what if that insect heard me? I mean, I really did feel like we were having a conversation, though mentally. What am I to that insect?
I had a Carl Jung moment, when as a child, he questioned a stone that he was sitting on, "Am I the one who is sitting on the stone, or am I the stone on which he is sitting?". That was the question that led him on an attempt to discover the nature of consciousness. Though I may not be Carl Jung, I probably need to figure out my life, if playing with that puppy was the highlight of my day. Then again, what am I to that puppy?
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Overly educated and continuously exploring and revealing more behind the veil.
"It cannot be too highly emphasized that the mystic swims in the same waters in which the psychotic drowns."
-James Wasserman, The Mystery Traditions